GirlieOnTheEdge's Blog

Words of a clarklike female

Mr. Jackson. If you please….

I’ve only written one piece whose voice was totally in “slam”. It was easily 4 or 5 years ago but I remember that as I was writing, and for sure when I was finished, I could hear with my mind ears that distinctive, I will not be ignored, “cadence”.

In fact, I could not read the words straight. As if by poetic possession, my inner voice would only perform this piece as apparently it was intended. Some sort of badass bard voice…slam.  That’s my word for it. I don’t know what it is really. Dub poetry? Close? Not quite.

In a milisecond of that moment, my body knew. I felt it. Just felt it. Poe-slammetry. Know what I mean? In my head, the voice was perfect. In my head, the inflection was perfect. Yet not translateable. Outloud. I was hearing my piece perfectly, internally. In my cranium only, was this cerebellic surrealty. Of performance art.

Where did it come from? This stylistic hijacking. I hadn’t listened to the Last Poets in years. Hadn’t tuned into anything that would have planted a seed of insurrection or feelings of “political” oppression lol. So why this intense, insistent, very specific expression of my words. Where did this come from? This spoken word.

I have not written anything like it since. Not a single group of words since has insisted on being voiced so specifically.  There was no playing with them for effect. No arbitrary interpretation. One way, the only way, would give them life.  It was through deliberate, emotionally urgent, intentionally intonated expression that set them free.

Coincidence the title of this piece was “Life”?  At this moment, I think not. My body produced the words. My body interpreted the words. My body spoke for my brain, spoke for my mind that which was going unattended. Life.

I wanted to do a proper Ten Things of Thankful post this weekend. This came out instead. It’s pretty awesome to think I still can link up at this very cool hop. Where, if only for 48 hours, I can feel I am among birds of a feather. Joining 2-gether. Flock of one. Never undone.

Thank you. Mr. Jackson.

Just a Mirror…

Thank goodness for this bloghop. The Ten Things of Thankful Blog Hop. I have been distant, non-existent. Not writing as I should. Believe me when I tell you, I would if I could. (Yes. Dr. Seuss moment gone.)

I hear it’s an anniversary weekend. 40 is the number. Can I do a post in 40 words or less? Probably, but I don’t want to. Not really. See, I’ve got to not take the easy way out. ‘Cuz there’s never an easy way out. Looking for the easy out is simply stacking the odds in a closet that more than likely has already reached capacity. I’m not into shoving things in closets. I might stack things neatly, but no shoving.

Me. I’m more of an under the bed person. Several years ago, I discovered “bed lifts”. Like elevator shoes for your bed. In no time at all you can raise your bed 6″ and voila! under bed storage. I used to be all for it. I still am. But only in emergencies. My “new” life will be the minimalist life heretofore contemplated. Time has come today (ungh, ungh) to put all that legal tender where I normally put food.

So what is GirlieOnTheEdge grateful for this week? This hop. It allows me to try for the umpteenth time to get back on track. With the writing thing. And for reminding me that amidst all the challenges of daily life there is always, always a thing to be thankful for. It’s a marvelous tool for forced acknowledgement of:

The fact, I have a job. This, no small feat, story be told. And this, my anniversay month.

Knock now on everything wooden that my box o metal is till running down the highway although I got extremely nervous last night with a more than rough idle when I went to leave the store. 

My sanity. That it is intact. There may be some dissenters out there. To you guys – f off. (I never said I may have lost it at some point in time lol)

Computers! Yes and telephones. Friday started pretty typically until I looked in the bathroom mirror. Holy shit! I never felt my eye explode. This as I was certain no blood was going to pour outta my eyeball was quite the surprise. So thanks to calling someone (I’d already turned off my computer), it was determined, barring no intsant god awful disease, that I suffered from subconjunctival hemorrhage. Not a pretty sight my friends.

Everytime I participate in this hop I will mention the Wakefield Doctrine. (and link to it, of course!). If you have the patience to read, learn, listen and discuss it’s principles, you will realize that you have an extremely valuable life tool. (insert commercial: “Don’t leave home without it!”)

For people I haven’t met yet but hope to one day. Kristi! Yeah you! We don’t live that far apart now so what the fuck! Funny, it’s no big thing as we are 2 clarks. It will happen. And the hostess with the mostess (and the cupcakes to boot) Lizzi. When she makes her transcontinental trip to the US of A. I want to meet you. In fact, the 3 of us will have to get together IRL.

Anybody else get nervous about when to stop? I haven’t been counting the thankfuls. I don’t want to count. On the other hand, I don’t want to leave anything out that later I’ll say to myself “shit!” why weren’t you thankful for…..lots of words here. Enough for me. Sometimes, I’m better off without words… good to yourselves… time……

Land of the Living

Just for the record, Lizzy still rules. LOL Don’t know how I stumbled across Theresa Jeane and company but glad I did. Think I’m going through some sort of “regressive self therapy”. Is that a real thing that my brain is remembering or did I just make it up? No, nevermind. Let me tell  you what it’s all about.

For whatever reason, a couple of days weeks ago I decided to listen to one of my all time favorite cd’s from the 90′s, the Crue’s Decade of Decadence. Took me back to when I was managing a record store in Wakefield, Rhode Island. We sold a shitload of them and every night for a week the closing crew (pun intended) and I would put it on. Loud. Once 10:00pm hit and the other stores closed their doors, we’d crank it.

Got to admit, the music from that era, 80′s-90′s, filled me with much energy. Always. And so it makes sense. Now, when I’m building a new TimeLine, that I would pull from the past any/all tools that would enhance probablity for success. You know. In establishing, maintaining and otherwise getting on with a “new” life.

There’s only one tool really that does it for me. One tool that fosters, promulgates, drags and pushes me out of and into another state of mind. And that my friend is my numero uno, Dix Things of Mercibeaucoupness 2 day.

MUSIC. From music stems all my other thanksfuls today. In fact, I can be thankful all darned weekend for years to come with this one. I simply don’t know where to start. There are so many artists, musicians that have traveled with me on my life journey. Witnessed the happy times, the dark times, the lonely times, the hopeful times. They are a part of me. They are me in the sense that I can pull up a mind melody, nod my head to a riff that’s  soundless to others but blaring in my my own brain. I can lay quietly and be soothed knowing there is a resource for comfort, encouragement and humor. It can be found in the do re me……

Deaux. Michael Schenker

Trois. Iron Maiden

Quatre. Bonnie Raitt

Cinq. Metallica

Six. Beethoven

Sept. Vivaldi

Huit. Larry Carlton

Neuf. Jeff Beck

Dix. Jimi!

Tell It To Me Again Thursday

That’s right. Need to hear it again. Why am I doing this? Ah. Yes. Now I remember…..

Lessee. Yesterday was a 12.5 hour, no lunch, work day. But! I completed my portion of the “project” and was outta there at precisely 7:30 pm. 2 consecutive evenings arriving back at the apartment at 8:45. No worries. I’m still young. LOL  At least mentally. Chronologically, that’s another story. Which I’ve already talked about long time back.

What else is new? Dum…dee……..dum. Can’t say. Nothing really translatable. Published the 2nd post over at tube tops, tattoos and TimeLines last week. Yeah. Went over great. Seems I’m really back at square one in more ways than one! (What?! there’s no longer an option to leave comments? Note to self: adjust settings to allow for comments) Not quite “spinning my wheels”, I’m nonetheless, shall we say, “finding my way”. And what’s wrong with that?” (Violet asked Mary in response to an emphatic statement in the 1946 movie. obscure reference? for some.)

There’s got to be a good reason for a person to spend time here, at Girlie, reading these words. I must impart some nugget of new information, I ought to relate a current conquest, or in the least share an emotional moment.  I hate to disappoint. Yes, that is a characteristic of clarks. We often say that we hate to disappoint. More often than not, we mean it. Let me tell you clarks again today, do not disappoint your own selfs. Begin there. You, of the 3, must start at the beginning. You are the beginning.

I am anxiously looking at the loud ticking clock on the wall. It’s reading 5:32 am. I’m late! So much to do before I leave. There’s so much yet I realize I’d pretty much have to….not go to bed in order to do it all! You know what would help? A machine, a computer to read my thoughts, “hear” the conversation taking place in my head that could automatically translate it all into comprehendable, creative expression in the form of a post! Yeah. That would help.

What can I say but thank you. If you’re still reading. Have a wonderful day. And don’t mind the person who might be telling you something….again. It is afterall,  tell it to me again Thursday.

Don’t forget about the fabulous Wakfield Doctrine sponsored, be there or be a geomteric figure Friday Night Vid Chat. Among the notables in attendance: Lizzi of Considerings fame; Linda of elleroy was here, Clark of the Wakfield Doctrine, zoe at rewritten; Michelle of Getting Literal, always late to the party Kristi over at Finding Ninee.…yeah, that’s it. Write it down. It’s a Google Hangout thing, look for it or contact any one of these folks for an invite. See you there. Starr.

Take it Away Tuesday….

I thought of you this morning Christine. I sat sideways in bed, unable any longer to sleep, clock hands clapping at 3:00 am. While watching the how many people are really awake watching the middle of the night news, they spoke of Indiana. The weather in Indiana. And then Michigan. And then Chicago and Minnesota. Winter’s not so bad here in Virginia. LOL  Stay warm and off the roads girl!

Never in my life have I watched so little television. These last, almost 4 months have pretty much been TV free with the exception of a Bones episode here or there and/or the morning weather forecast. Since my commute is on the long side and since weather can vary over the 40 miles I travel to the office, it’s become habit to get the heads up on precipitation and such.

Today? Well, later today it’s supposed to be 50 degrees. That’s to melt the ice that formed after the little bit of snow that fell overnight. I looked out the window at the obscene hour of my waking to see the evidence. Yes. Mother nature decided to fuck with us once again. Not with a big, ostentatious display of her might, but rather in a less noticed, more sinister way. Nothing like a little layering to skate away on the thin ice of a new day.

Know what? It’s all-right. It’s Tuesday. Take it Away Tuesday. As in….hell, you fill in the blank! As for me, I’ve got to get outside, clear the car windshield and hope I don’t go slipping away…..

Day 2 to the rest of your life

It is 9:13 am. The sun is shining gloriously, reflecting angelic off the newly fallen snow. Pretty. It is Friday and I have a second day off from work. Highly unusual. Unprecedented snowfall here in Northern Virginia. At least in the last 3 or 4 years. I wouldn’t know about that since I’ve only been here since October. But my eyes do not decieve me.

So I have a gift today, this Day of Valentine. What shall I do with my gift? For one, I’m writing this post. Writing when the mood is not upon me. When not even the best of juicers can illicit a drop of creativity from my cranium. So why don’t I tell you about the last coupla days.

Been doing a bit of “tubing” and  stumbled on yet another band  I really like - In the Moment. Their official vids are by far the best (it’s that way for so many bands isn’t it? except for the Chili Peppers lol). So I’m posting links to some of my favorite In the Moment songs. Granted you have to be in the mood but really, who can deny their most excellent rendtion of Blondie’s Call Me. Check it:

This one’s pretty tame. I like how tight the band is. Wonder how long I can go on not writing this morning…..geez trying not to post the “scary” vids like

Hey, since it’s Friday, give a thought to stopping by tonight at the Wakefield Doctrine sponsored Friday Night Hangout Vid Chat. Hangout, it’s a google thing. Always cool people coming and going, some staying. We talk about all kinds of shit…. like the Doctrine and why clarklike females (with a 2ndary scottian aspects)  and a few scottian women are the only females to like this band. Just hangin’ on a Friday night, ya know?

Some more mood music for you edge people. Later peeps. Later….

Tell me you don’t like this one. Tell me your head is not doin’ the bob.

Pressure or Permission?

Last night was Saturday night. As has been routine for several years now, I called into the Wakefield Doctrine Saturday Night Drive Call in Show. Whew! Acronym time? the WDSNDCS? Yikes! That’s just as bad!!

It was a slow night last night. Not as popular as the WD Friday night Party Vid Chat, less populated than the WD Sunday morning Brunch Vid (as of late), it is nonetheless my favorite of the 3 Doctrine related activities. Why? I guess because for going on a year, there’s been a regular caller. And she’s a clark. Before you rogers start rolling your eyes and tell someone to wake up the scotts, know this: the conversation each Saturday night is fun, funny, informative and useful. 

The phone lines open at 8 PM est. Officially the show “ends” at 8:45 however there have been many a night when the call runs later. Last night was one such call. Cyndi didn’t call in until 8:40. But you know what they say, better late than never! As it turns out, she and her husband were engaged in a discussion trying to “analyze” (and dramatize) and “figure” the behavior of some people they know. See, both Cyndi and her husband have a good grasp on the principles of the Wakefield Doctrine.

I guess it comes as no surprise when I tell you that since Cyndi is a clark, I’m a clark and Clark is, well, the Progenitor clark, the conversation takes turns, veers out and back in ways that it doesn’t when rogers and scotts are involved. No offense guys but sometimes, clarks just need to talk to their own:)

As Cyndi shared and brought us up to date about her life exploits and such, we found ourselves discussing clarks and the concept of permission. Cyndi was describing the characteristc of clarks putting so much pressure on themselves (to perform, to measure up, to achieve…fill in the blank…). Clark clarified what she was describing and hit the nail on the head when he said: “clarks don’t give themselves permission”. It’s not so much putting pressure on ourselves as much as allowing ourselves the… right to feel/get/express anger, giving ourselves permission to enjoy accomplishment and achievement. (yo! Clark. Write a post for us clarks. About Permission)

It was an all too brief conversation among 3 clarks. A conversation I’ll be sure to bring up again most likely on another Saturday Night Call or perhaps at a Sunday Brunch. Hey, somewhere amongst these words I know there are 9 Thankfuls. My 10th Thankful? Having the company of other clarks in which I can simply be a clark.

“I’m Just a Girl….”

Here we are. Well, here I am. Hopefully there’s a “we”. It’s the weekend and I have certainly fallen into the M-F work, S-S r&r schedule quickly enough after being out of it for so many years. Funny that body memory thing.

And thank god for the body! If I had to rely on my mind all the time, well, I’d be in big trouble. LOL  I’ve always been one of those who believe that “the body knows first”. My philosophy is to trust the body/instinct first. When too much time elapses, the brain has a way of filtering and more or less messing with the matter at hand.

Isn’t it amazing that a single event can be interpreted by a single person in multiple ways? Throw in the fact there are 3 ways in which to relate to the world x those multiple ways and you have yourselves a HUGE variation on life. Huh. I’ve got a “variation on life” happening big time at the moment. It all began October 22, 2013 but it has yet to solidify. The mold hasn’t set yet. Ingredients still being thrown into the bowl.

Of which the Super is this weekend. In New Jersey! Let me join the chorus….open stadium?! in New Jersey?!! Um, it’s dead of winter. In New Jersey. What were they thinking!!!! Ya know, today is Saturday and I am well within the limits to submit a TTot post. I believe this hop is still hopping. I mean, I’m actually posting on a Saturday morning. Instead of say, Sunday night…Kristi:). So first on the list i-i-s-s:

1) All the committed, disciplined people out there I have come to know who write every day, every other day, multiple times a week and give me the inspiration to try one more time.

2) Guess this should have been first but I’m thankful to wake up another day.

3) Thankful this list doesn’t have to be listed in order of priority.

4) That Lizzi thought to send me an invite to the Friday Night Vid Chat even though I’d given up that there was one. I tried sending an invite to the other host but gee Clark, did you not see it? did you not think to send ME an invite?!

5) That the unknown hair stylist I had an appointment with last night was conservative with my tresses. Spinning the wheel for a stylist can have disastrous results. Now, next time I see her, I’ll be more trusting:)

6) If Abby, (see above) is to become my hair guru, then what could be more convenient than taking the elevator down to the first floor in the building where I work?!

7) That part of what I pay for at what is to be my hair salon, is a lovely back massage while my hair is being washed. Who knew they made such chairs with weird roller things that move up and down your back. Feet up, massage…nice end to a long week.

8) I’m going to have to go with the Wakefield Doctrine. In fact, it will always be on the list of 10. It has provided an enormous open window.

9) Flat irons, a gazillion different hair products. You know, so I can vary the hairs on my head. Funny, last night Abby gave me a stylish, conservative look. One fitting my chronological age. As she was moving my hair around at the crown I suddenly saw how easy it would be to use a little mud/gel/pomade and get a funky metal 80′s doo going. Hey, I’m a clarklike female. Whaday expect!

10) My imagination. To have a vision of all sorts of me based on how I fix my hair, the clothes I wear and the shoes I put on my feet. To have a choice on how to walk through the world on any given day. Not tethered by the pressure of the herd, nor fueled by the demands of nature….I am, after all just a girl…..

Yes. “Here’s to us….”

It’s Wednesday. Mid-week. The proverbial  “hump day”.  Yesterday was a wintry mix ‘o mess. Being that I had an hour’s commute in good weather, I decided to avail my self of our company’s liberal leave policy and leave work early. Bundled up like a pig in a blanket, I headed out into the wintery wonderland looking foward to getting a jump start on the “evening commute” at 1:00. I was one of only 3 who decided to heed the advice of the “speakers for the weather”. Having looked out the window several times in the morning, they seemed to know what they were talking about.

The Washington, D.C. metro area is like many a major city. No getting around traffic. Luckily, the route I take avoids the Beltway but it’s long just the same. Our office is located on Rt 7. Venturing forth I thought “not bad”.  A few miles up the road is Rt 28. OK. “Not bad”. No sooner had I said this when I spotted a vehicle ahead on the left median that apparently did a little loopdy doo. No worries. Just a momentary loss of control. Here…. they’re back on the road.

Driving along, hoping there would never be a time without clear lane markings, I thought what a mess. (No, not this time. This time I wasn’t referring to my life. lol) It struck me that although I haven’t lived in a place with snow and cold and such in over 10 years, I seemed to have adapted rather quickly to the northern climate.  Almost as if I had never left. Never lived in a place people flock during the winter months. Body memory? In the bones? I am after all,  a native Rhode Islander.

That is why I suppose, when I had a “Christine moment” on the Parkway, I took it in stride…calmly noting that everyone else was either stopped or far enough away. And the intersection was mine. To slide through. Seemingly in slow motion. To the other side. My big ole box of metal refused to stop. Slide baby. Slide.

It was all I could do. But sometimes, that’s all you can do. And that’s alright.  

1.5 Steps at a time

Yes, yes I know. The saying goes “1 step at a time”. But if you’re old(er) like me or if you’re a scott, then 1 step isn’t going to cut it. My daily words always contain this ditty: “Today is both the first and last day of my life. What the fuck am I going to do about it.” I vary it sometimes. I’ll leave out the profanity and simply write “Today is the only day“.

(“Yeah,yeah. We get it. Carpe diem and all that“). The real trick to this kind of shit is obtaining and maintaining a level of emotional content sufficient enough to actually live each day with the kind of intensity these words imply. Yes, I know. As soon as you walk out whatever front door is in front of you, Blam! you get hit with the same old same old. (quick side note to self: write a post comprised only of cliches).

Everyone has a smartphone, tablet, i-thing. Everyone seems to be holding it, listening and looking at it more than they don’t. I say, utlilize modern technology to remind yourself that tomorrow is an illusion. If you think you can put off a thing until tomorrow, well guess what? You’re placing a wager. You’re leveraging life. So what? If you’re dead it won’t matter anyway, right?

It’s Monday. Hopefully, the beginning of a full week. I for one will go out into the world today with the intent of living the day as if it were my last. No huge plans, accomplishments or goals to get done by 5. I just want to know that whatever it is I do, I act without reservation. don Juan Matus tells me to walk a path with heart. This I will always do.

Feeling all gushy and mushy today. Don’t know why. Well, actually I do. But I’m not going to share the details. Only this. It’s someone’s birthday today. I sent him a message of birthday wishes an hour ago. Mine. (no, in my mind it was not selfish). I happen to be pretty smart some of the time especially when it comes to dispensing “helpful hints” to other people.

Birthday wishes Baby. Birthday wishes….

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