It’s Sunday night. I’m sitting on the bed, in the room that has been “home” for the last 9 months. I have the overhead light on because I have my laptop plugged into the outlet usually reserved for my bedside lamp. Not that it’s dark in here. Not yet. In fact, it’s still light outside. I can see it seeping through the slits of the verticals. It’s a soft sunset tonight. I can tell.
I went out over an hour ago for a walk. My bone building walk. After I cooled down, after a not uplifting conversation with my distant other half, I decided to fix myself something to eat. Yes! I’ve made progress in the weight department – up to 106 lbs. Woohoo!
I don’t often buy meat but when I was in the store a couple of weeks ago I spotted a package containing 3 little steaks. Boneless, red, oval. I took them home. This evening, God forgive me, I put one of them in a frying pan. It is my only option. After keeping an eye on the tiny piece of protein and when it was cooked as well as could be expected, I put it on a small plate. Not the dinner one. The salad one. Or did they used to call it the desert plate? At any rate, small steak on plate, I headed back to “camp”.
I’d been sitting on the left side of the bed.(left, as in looking towards the bottom of the bed). In my other TimeLine, I’d be sitting on the right side. The right side had been my side. Huh….. anyway, back propped by 4 pillows, the wall served as headboard. The laptop was in front of me. A minimum of 2 books, a couple of magazines, a pen, some paper were strewn beside me. Table set.
I put the plate on the bedside table to my left and situated myself. Ok. Computer screen at 12 o’clock, right leg straight out, left leg curled in. Half Indian style I guess. Anyway, I set the plate on the bed directly in front of myself, moved the computer a little closer and dug in. Yeah, it was a little tough but hey, I’m just eating it to get the benefits, yo.
Almost immediately, I slowed down (seems I was a bit hungry) and decided to cut the few pieces I’d already cut into yet smaller pieces. I did this….slowly. Deliberately. Suddenly my thoughts were totally of my Dad. I remembered how, in his later years, he would cut his meat – precisely, in small, bite size pieces. Immediately, I made the concious decision to cut the entire tiny steak before me in this same manner. It felt weird, but not. It made me think of Phyllis and her guest post at the Wakefield Doctrine’s Guest Post Thursday’s Guest Post.
There is no one who will iron and think of me. There is no one to cut their meat and think of me. What in the world, I wonder, will someone think of me. One day.
GirlieOnTheEdge's Blog 
Over time I’ve come to realize that I just don’t know who will think of me or anyone else for that matter, at any given time. I confess I often tell anxiouts or paranoid clients that they would be insulted by how INFREQUENTLY people think of them…which is true as they think it’s constant….but I really am shocked at how often someone (or myself) is thinking of someone fairly obscure to them. E.g. I was thinking fondly of myvgudance counselor from high school yesterday….I left hs at 15 and he didnt play a major roll in my hs life….why him or then? Wrote a piece about my dad for tuesdays post….dunno why now….who knows who or how or by whom (the kid who bagged your steak today?) any of us will be thought of….but we will.
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Whatever methodology works, right:) Makes sense to me that you would tell them that. It directly addresses their main concern(s).
Funny (not in the ha ha way), your point about thinking of “obscure” people from our lives. I’ll do the same thing and think “wow, what the hell prompted that?!” LOL
I look forward to your post on Tuesday. I love that you have a post ready for Tuesday:) Anything special about the day? Or did you pick it arbitrarily?
No doubt we will Zoe. Thanks for sharing your “ponderings”.
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I second Zoe. While people don’t think about us constantly, they think about us at odd moments. We have no idea how we touch other people. I’ll probably never look at those tiny, round little steaks at the grocery store without thinking of you.
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So very true.
Aw-w Christine…you’re sweet. Meat = GirlieOntheEdge = Denise.
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I usually NEVER have a post done ahead. They happen or they don’t but I have been wanting to write this little thing about my dad for a while and Josie has her hop on Tues… the prompt fit ( rather loosely though) but I figure it is more likely to be read by at least one or two people if I put it in a hop… I think it may post today though… who the heck knows!?
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I tell my 15 year old daughter, who always says others will remember that she wore that shirt just last week or notice ahe wore her hair curled two days in a row that NO ONE CARES; they’re busy thinking about themselves. But this is a different twist to teenage angst. We’re on the earth for such a short time. Even though I’ll never know, I often wonder whether I have made a positive impression on someone, anyone, especially on someone I may or may not even know. Beautiful, touching piece, Denise.
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Thank you Dyanne.
Ah, the teenage years. When you want to be (noticed), remembered but only for the cool stuff:) Sadly, you have a valid point. Many people it seems are wrapped up in themselves.
I don’t know if this helps to say this, *dare I?*, the fact that you are a scott is a huge plus when it comes to making an impression:) And without doubt Dyanne, I’m confidant you make a positive one!
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You know, as much as I adore blogging – I’m kind of addicted to it…and seem to be compelled to do it no matter what else is going on in my life – there was a time, when I was trying to do this full time, I thought…”no one would know if I faded into oblivion.”
I wasn’t thinking morbidly…it’s just that I realized with a start that I haven’t accomplished SO MANY things I want to do.
I hear stories of nine year-olds who get laws changed or raise crazy amounts of money for a cause. And the adults say, “she’s done more living in her nine years than most people do in a lifetime.”
*sigh* And I still am not quite sure what to do with myself. I want to make a difference. So I get this. I get to thinking…where am I going, what am I doing?
Well, dear friend, know that you are. In all the things you do, in all the people you interact with, your difference is your sweet, understanding clark-like personality, with a heart full of love.
I hope you have a wonderful week and just keep on keepin’ on. 🙂
PS – not one of us on the planet knows without a doubt that everything we’re doing is exactly what we’re supposed to be doing. LOL
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It’s human nature to compare our own selves to others. And often it can be of value. I think for we clarks, it is a thing to be avoided! lol
Thank you Cyndi for your wonderful, complimentary words and words of encouragement. I cherish them for I know them to be sincere. I would have you remember that you most certainly have made a huge impact on a whole lot of people – with your blog, your art, your photography. And! You are in a profession where you will make a difference to each and every student you teach:)
You have a wonderful week as well!!!
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(imo) the effect we have on the world (and people) around needs be a matter of faith (non-denominational or otherwise), otherwise seeking acknowledgement from the (world) alters the effect (we are producing) by the act of interaction, ya know?
Having said that, being famous is certainly an interesting notion.
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Yeah, I get what you’re saying. A good reminder.
I wasn’t speaking so much of seeking widespread acknowledgement or acknowledgement for it’s own sake. I don’t have ego enough for that. lol Rather, my musing was more a reflection of my life. As it has turned out to be. To look at a life different from that which had once been imagined…
Can’t even begin to imagine what that would be like, being “famous”. I don’t think that I would like it. Of course I wouldn’t mind the often large incomes associated with fame:)
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