His name is Lunchbox Lenny. Folks around here just call him Lunchbox mostly, although the under 40 crowd is inclined to call him Mr. Lunchbox. One part dervish, one part imp, Lunchbox would give even Wile E. Coyote a run for his money. It is perhaps no small coincidence* that the character of Wile E. (Coyote) “was based on Mark Twain‘s book Roughing It, in which Twain described the coyote as “a long, slim, sick and sorry-looking skeleton” that is “a living, breathing allegory of Want. He is always hungry.” That’s our Lunchbox – free rangin’, unadulterated, on the loose, untethered – always hungry as scotts are wont to be.
So you think the cartoon is cute? Let me ask you this: “how cute” is a baby lion ripping open the belly of a gazelle peacefully grazing upon the plain? My point exactly. Kids, what we have here is a fully matured scott. To quote Merriam W.: Matured = “having attained a final or desired state“, not meaning the opposite of immature.
I have referenced this term (scott) before just as I have referenced myself as being a clark. So as not to exclude that most socially conscious, or is that conscious of the social (collective) group, here’s a nod to rogers. These 3 – clarks, scotts and rogers are the 3 ways in which a person views the world according to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers)
,..”No, Lenny! Sit down. Now! I’m still writing…You wanted me to write something about you didn’t you?… I said you can’t…What? Are you stupid or something?! You can’t do that. Why? Because sensible people just don’t that’s why. You know expletives won’t work with me. Yes, I am aware that Gregory Campbell was the best teacher you ever had…
My apologies. Damned if I did not let myself get distracted again. Yes, yes it is a true statement that the scotts of the werld demand, no make that “command” attention. They do not stomp their feet in the manner of a roger but rather scotts will jump up and down and talk real fast (literally sometimes and figuratively). They are the most certain of the 3. Certain of themselves, their opinions, hell they just know how it’s all supposed to be.
Enough for now with the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers, and back to my friend Lunchbox. What kind of testimonial can I give him? Hm…haven’t seen him in many a year. Truth be told it’s been a coupla decades at least. Let’s see… the ole brain projector is running footage of playing basketball with LB only he wasn’t ever on my team (I’ll check with the archivists to confirm). Very competitive, he’s full of energy; loud. Show me a scott and I’ll show you one loud mf’er if you know what I’m sayin’. Scoundrel = scott. (yes, this also applies to female scotts) He likes to read; enjoys travel and prefers warmer climates over cold. Lunchbox Lenny likes sports (oh, mentioned that?), music of the variety I would label “hillbillyish” but you can add pseudo ethnic and classic rock to the list .
I would be remiss if I did not utilize the word “carnal” to describe LB or any scott for that matter. He loves that word because of it’s implications. C-A-R-N-A-L as per our Ms. Merriam W. = “b: relating to or given to crude bodily pleasures and appetites”. clarks! Lock up your children. rogers! Hide. And lock up your children!
*I know you like your Mark Twain, baby.