…”and a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”…, sure….
It’s about perception. It’s always about perception. OK. Let’s get it out of the way early. According to – wait for it – The Wakefield Doctrine, an individual is either a clark, a scott or a roger. What this means simply is that there are 3 ways in which to view or perceive the world. We look at life through the lens of either a clark, a scott or a roger. Got this so far? (Good, ‘cuz I just want to get to this post. Like the song enough to want to use it so I have to come up with something.)
“Nice”. A lovely adjective that can be applied first to clarks, occaisionally to rogers and rarely, hardley ever, to a scott. (“Harsh? No, no it’s not.”) The act of being nice is viewed as: strength (by a clark), weakness (by a scott), naivete (by a roger), What? You want me to explain the previous statement? You know, if you would have been following the links and familiarized yourself already with the Wakefield Doctrine, this wouldn’t be so darned difficult! Stop! From now on when I refer to the Doctrine or clarks, or scotts or rogers, there will no longer be any in depth, lengthy or helpful explanations. Fuck that! Click on the link and figure it out your own damn selves!!
See? That wasn’t very nice. And it wasn’t very clarklike either. But what of it? Was anyone harmed in the process? Could one say it was not so much the message as the delivery of that message? Having said that, being “nice” often comes at a cost. Sometimes, “being nice” is simply a reflection of a person’s desire/hope for behavior that never quite makes it to the public stage as they say. And at other times “being nice” is a sublimation of more instinctive behavior. We’re all guilty of that one – you know, for the greater good and all that bull. But is it fair to do this ? Is it caving to societal (can you say rogerian) “peer pressure”?
Here’s what I think, (this coming from someone considered to be one the “nicest” persons on the planet.) It’s in large part about self awareness. Honest. Consider the motivation(s) behind someone being nice – a) manipulation,
b) escape (insert person, situation, challenge here) c) naivte. But really, what of it? You are correct. I did leave one motivation out. Why not be nice? Why not be pleasant? Why not take time to actually see and hear someone outside of your own damn self?
Word of caution: beware/be wary of/ be aware of being nice. There are negative ramifications if, in being so (nice), one obfuscates the proper/more appropriate response to (insert person, situation, challenge). This deprives any and all involved of a more genuine experience…..
Whoah Nelly! What am I thinking getting all heavy and leadlike on a Monday morning! Bottom line: it takes no more than a fraction of second to stop and consider what is the nice thing to do, what is the proper thing to do and what is the generous thing to do. For self and others…..
GirlieOnTheEdge's Blog 
Started out this post with a bit of your scottian aspect, eh?
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Why, thank you!
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“Why not be nice?” Exactly!!!!
As someone who is naturally skeptical, I am very leery of people who tell me how nice they are… If you have to tell me, you’re probably not!
Does it bother you when people tell you that you are one of the nicest or sweetest people they know?
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You are right Molly. Those who need to tell you they possess a certain quality in most cases are not in possession of that quality. I was raised with the concept of “actions speak louder than words”.
Not anymore. Does it bother you?
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It always makes wonder what they see in me that I don’t see in myself, because I am pretty darn honest with those who say such things. They know my faults. They’ve seen me angry. It also makes me wonder what the other people they know are really like.
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It is always a challenge to really step outside oneself and view ourselves as if in a movie. clarks by nature are their own worst critics (for the most part).
Last sentence intrigues me – “It also makes me wonder what the other people they know are really like.” Elucidate for me?
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…it is often felt (by clarks) that being told that we (are) ‘such nice/sweet/gentle/polite/considerate/accomodating people’ is not such a good thing.
When you figure out why that is so, you will be taking a giant step towards understanding your clarklike nature.
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This is true…it is not so good because it conflicts with the nagging thing we (clarks) keep locked in the basement. That we are in fact awful, awful people. I barely touched upon, nay, gave nary a nod to this in the post and (in) my commentary. For this I can only say that one day, perhaps there will be a post that will unlock the basement door. (that one’s for you, I PRAETORIAN)
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