That “signpost up ahead”? Damn straight it reads “the Edge”

It had better read the Edge or I’m fucked.  How else will I be able to turn my life around?  The specifics, you know, about how/I we got to this point in the road?  Does it matter?  No.  It doesn’t.  It is what it is.  It is very sad knowing the details read the same for far too many folks around the country:  business lost…”we couldn’t hold onto it anymore, couldn’t afford to“; the bank has foreclosed….”it’s only a matter of time” or “no one will hire me….guess age does matter“……and the ubiquitous “no one seems to know me anymore…”

In more cases than not, where you live has a very real and obvious effect on your probability of success.  I know this all too well.  I once lived in a place where opportunity is abundant.  Where “struggle” is a relative thing.  But isn’t that always the case?  In the end, there’s just you.  Well, me in this case.  Who hasn’t read a story about people who are experiencing/have graduated from what in the old days was called “the school of hard knocks”.  I’m writing today because I’m sore. 

And yet I need to take a moment to find the value. (ya mean there’s value in poverty? in hopelessness? in losses that have seeped into your soul?)  Trial and tribulation, struggle and frustration have 2 outcomes.  Duh. 

Mine will be the latter outcome.  Despite working/struggling in a vacuum, I believe one day I will look back on that sign and be thankful I could see it.  I had the life once, had it all.  Now I possess that particular perspective that often accompanies loss.  From perspective comes choice.          

So, thank you Rod Serling.  (rogers often pronounce it “Sterling” even if they did like the Twilight Zone!)  Don’t worry, I’m not gonna rag on the rogers today.  If I was going to rag on anyone today it would be my own people.  As a clark  involved in self evolutionization, I find that I often get tired.  Which is just a reminder I’d better keep my focus.     

What happens when clarks get tired?  We tend to become transparent.  As in almost invisible.  Different but the same  from those days we are in fact, invisible. LOL   If you are a clark, there’s not much ‘splaining to do.  (Invisible days are those you float through – you don’t seem to be heard.  By anyone.  That’s what you assume.  I mean, it makes sense, because you don’t generate responses to your questions or answers or commentations in general.  Like I said.  Invisible.)

So, it’s Sunday, another day.  I woke up again.  So what am I going to do about it?

 

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2 thoughts on “That “signpost up ahead”? Damn straight it reads “the Edge”

  1. Hmm. All sorts of things went through my head as I read. And I completely, and utterly understand. Your post brings to mind how I walked off the cliff: having a “good” job…because I wanted to go for the “great.” But in getting to the great, I think life tests your resolve. Sees what you’re made of. But, now, so many people are back in the classroom, at Hard Knock High. And the teachers are belligerent. And if you graduate, somehow, you have a different appreciation for what you went through.
    A couple weeks ago, I took some time away from blogging to think. I’m a fellow clark: I NEVER stop thinking, but more so than usual.
    In any case, I’m all too familiar with that different-but-the-same-feeling of invisibilityness. And you wonder if anyone actually cares. They might…but not in the way you want them to care or need them to care. It’s that sensitivity factor. Or at least I’M way too sensitive.
    I do hope you’re having a good weekend. HUGS! xo

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    1. I give you credit for going for the “great” Cyndi. Life is about challenging onself, striving for that which perhaps can be better. (as clarks, there is always an element of needing to achieve…. further enlightenment. lol)
      I agree that the pathway to that which is “more” often does test one’s resolve, one’s commitment and one’s relationships. And then there are times when things just go awry. Throw in a few unforseen curveballs and well, you are indeed back at a beginning.
      I can totally identify with you taking time “away”. As you say, clarks are always thinking so the next best thing is to remove as much outside stimuli, tasks involving others as possible in order to regain perspective. If you can’t take a physical vacation, a mental one will do, right?:)
      Ah, the sensitivity factor. Interestingly put. I can relate 100% to that but I would also posit that the sensitivity of which you speak is tied more to our own internal expectations/disappointments. As you have been discovering for your own self, the Wakefield Doctrine is a huge asset in understanding ourselves, the people around us, our relationships in that it provides (in most cases) reasons why the caring in the way we want caring is not there….
      Thank you for your comment Cyndi but even more for…. “HUGS! xo”! Made my day:D Back atcha sister!!

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