“…..it’s 5:15 am. The imminent dawn had not yet parted the bedroom curtains. Darkness still held court as Girlie slowly woke. Stretching first the minutes, then her body, she brushed tiny remnants of sleep sand from her half opened eyes. In the silence she felt heaviness weigh upon her like overripe fruit too long on the tree. Somewhat sardonically, she mused that she most certainly must be reaping what she’d sown. How else, what else, could account for what had become of her life.
As she rolled her body across the mattress to the other side of the bed, feet not yet touching the floor, she thinks “what the fuck”. As soon as her feet hit the carpet, so did the reality of another day. Of the same. “Perfect world my ass”.
The excerpt above was part of yet another word jumble of a draft I had laying around for months. Forgotten. Why’d I drag it out today? Mainly for the title. I like it and it’s appropriate. Coupla things first. A week ago today, I wrote I’d be in the dashboard riding along on the Wakefield Doctrine Saturday Night Call in Show. I wasn’t. Wanna know why? ‘Cuz when I dialed the number, was connected, listened to the lady, punched in the access code (correctly) I was told repeatedly the number I punched in was not the correct access code – try again. Which I did. From 7:58 pm until 8:25 pm. Fuck me! Do you know that if you key in the access code 3X and it’s wrong (or so “you’ve been told”) you are blocked from calling in again? Banished until a later time!
“What happened?” Glad you asked. Damn, wish I was drinking a Magic Hat right now. Might make this a little simpler. As a clark, my worldview has it’s origins in the intellect. The rational. Having said that I also accept the concept/idea of….magic. No, not in the beer or “hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat” kind of a way. Rather, as a way to explain those things, those coincidences, those events and phenomena that occur time to time that seemingly do not have a rational explanation. Enter The Cat.
My inability to connect to the Doctrine was a first. In all the years I’ve called into the Saturday Night Drive, never once was I unable to connect. Never once denied my virtual seat in the dashboard. In fact, I’ve only missed one, two Saturday Night Drive calls at the most since it’s inception. Having just said that, memory tells me there were a few incidences in the past of being told by the lady I had keyed in the incorrect access code. I hadn’t of course and was subsequently connected second time around. A precursor of things to come? Last Saturday night I knew, on a primitive, don’t open that door level there was something…. call it “cosmic forces”….. at work.
Don’t go wrinkling your brow, and muttering under your breath… Martha. This isn’t anything weird and clarklike (yeah it is lol). Not when you break it down into practical terms and theory. The difficulty lies in the description. How do I casually begin a conversation about the war of timelines. How do I describe the day to day “exercises” attempted in order to overcome a condition, a situation that has morphed into “the way things are”, this perfect world?
Consider the myriad of factors that go into living the “normal”, satisfying, life. What elements need to be present in order to maintain that life? What are the factors that allow for and support it’s manifestation? Now take those things away. Welcome to my “anti-timeline”. The fact that I have plenty of company offers no comfort nor should it ever. The “anti-timeline” should never be condoned and/or accepted as part of life’s “tough breaks”. Fuck that shit.
I had a good life once. Now I don’t. I had resources once. Now I don’t. (wait! I have the Wakefield Doctrine!!) I sit at this computer today cognitively aware that all that it is, is what it is. Until I do something to make it not. What it is. Enter emotional content.
And what is that? Is it energy, is it emotion? Is it a state of being? Is it controllable? Malleable? Can it be directed? Is it rational? Can it be summoned at will? Is it….magic? No. But it can open a door or raise a window. It can facilitate opportunity, however briefly, that allows for the idea of magic to exist. (I promise I did not consciously take this from Mr. Koontz’s latest Odd Thomas book. LoL)
Bottom line: changing timelines is arduous work. It is not a task for the feint of heart. And not for those who can’t imagine that anything is possible. Fishes and loaves people. Fishes and loaves.
“….you can never be sure of what to change (in the small things) that may, in turn, result in large scale changes…
Sometimes it is tempting to think that the individual features (of one’s) reality is where the importance lies, but trying to anticipate/plot/manage individual events in our timelines is simply too un-something… lol Rather, I would submit, it is the overall desires and wishes, goals and aspirations that are current with us at any one time, that shapes the path (of our lives).”
Guess what? Today is Saturday. I’ll be calling into the Wakefield Doctrine Saturday Night Drive Call In Show. Will my call connect? Will I be caught in the Tholian web as was our dear, dear Capt. Kirk? If you’d like to call in and talk Doctrine stuff from 8:00 to 8:45 pm EST this is the number: 218-339-0422. I promise this is the correct access code: 512103#.
See ya tonight?