Alone but not alone, I’m an Outsider

This is weird. Being here. Typing. Here. Beginning this draft(y) page… I feel as if I’m opening a box closed a lifetime ago. Dusty and cobwebbed, it’s a pleasant box. Tastefully carved of wood, it is strong, it is sturdy. The “pen” and “paper” within are unchanged. I cannot say the same of me. Difficult to believe the last 4 posts were written by me. Seems it was more of a “hybrid” me.

That bit up there about a “lifetime ago”? That is my story. Life as I had known it for the previous 10.5 years or so ended on Tuesday October 22, 2013. That was the morning I packed my black 1997 Mercury Sable with as much as I could of those things I felt necessary to my comfort and headed north on Rt. 95. That was the morning I left the sleepy little beach town that is New Smyrna Beach, FL and headed back to the state I left, at this writing, nearly 11 years ago.  Everything changed that Tuesday. Forever.

I woke up  a little after 3:00 am having only fallen sleep around midnight. I’d pretty much packed most of what I was taking but there were still things to put together. You know, those last little odds and ends. The kind of  things you look for as an excuse to continue packing. To put off the inevitable.

I remember that I wanted to be on the road early. But, as my mother would say, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.  Man, did I hear that a lot growing up. LOL As it turned out, I didn’t leave, didn’t drive through the gate until a little after 7:00 am. It was no longer dark. I was glad for that.  There’s something sad and awful (sometimes) about leaving in the dark. On that morning I was able to see Man standing in the driveway from 6 10ths of a mile which is how long before I had to take a right. A right turn to a new life. Zoey was sleepy and clueless that I was not coming back that night. Little did I know then it would be the last time I would ever see her.

If you read any of the last 4 posts then you know of my late arrival to Northern Virginia that evening. Exhausted, it all seemed surreal. And all it took was 811 miles. To top that cake, the next day was my first day at the new job. To coin a rogerian expression by the progenitor roger, no sense in “baby coating” it. Afterall, I was here to work and get life back on track so let’s get to it. Who needs sleep?!

Thank you Zoe.  (she resides at Skip’s house here.) You challenged me this morning during today’s vid chat by asking me a “personal” question. (What? Oh, they don’t?) Hey! If you haven’t checked out any of the regular Wakefield Doctrine Vid Chats, either the Friday Night Party but Not (which tends to get crowded but no worries, being cyberspace an all there’s room ’nuff for everyone), or the more laid back International Sunday Morning Brunch Vid Chats, you should. It’s for your own good. Trust me.

Zoe’s interest in finding more about me led me to openly acknowledge that as a result of altering my timeline, I didn’t know if I could continue to write at GirlieOnTheEdge. It’s not as simple a logistical challenge as you might think. I literally am living a life completely different from the one only a few short months ago. Kinda messes things up a bit, ya know?

I still remember October 18, 2009 and what I felt launching the maiden post of GirlieOnTheEdge.  I think I’d really like to continue here but I’m thinkin’ I need to spend time at tube tops, tattoos and TimeLines. There is a challenge waiting for me there. Funny, the title came to me easily. I lifted it from a post I’d written back in 2011. A post I wrote in that other TimeLine. You can check it out here. (unfortunately, the vid from the Illustrated Man starring Rod Steiger, was removed) Perhaps you’d enjoy the “follow up” post here.

[Lizzi, the song is for you:)]

I cannot conclude whatever the hell this is today without mentioning  Michelle. She is a wonderful resource for elaborating on the oft times puzzling, sometimes frustrating ways of rogers. Her secondary clarklike aspect keeps her coming back for more. And I for one am better for it. Sunday Brunch wouldn’t be the same without you!

GirlieOnTheEdge is not gone. Hopefully, not forgotten. But she might be spending more time over at tube tops, tattoos and TimeLines in the coming weeks.

Wait. Clark! What about Clark? The author of the Wakefield Doctrine Blog, the creator of the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers, the host of various incarnations of hosted Wakefield Doctrine “events”.  If it were not for him, I would not know Zoe or Lizzi or Michelle or the other talented, funny and generous people I have been fortunate to meet  thus far.

If you stop by here or tube tops, tattoos and TimeLines, you may need a babel fish. I’m told all you have to do is stick it in your ear. I’m outta here……

14 thoughts on “Alone but not alone, I’m an Outsider

    1. *BIG hug* back atcha sister! I love that you posted this vid. I do so like me some Linkin Park:) There is somewhere….
      You know, I have always wondered how many would get the “subtexts” in my writings. I can pretty much count on the clarks but the fact that you mentioned this is HUGE. There was one reference in particular that I actually wondered to myself if anyone would read it the way I felt it.
      Thank you Lizzi. Thank you:)

  1. I like what Clark said up there. It’s a good groups of words arranged very pleasingly and smoothly and all things sugar and spice wrapped in a beautiful candy wrapper.
    That’s a clark for ya, eh?
    If it weren’t for the Doctine. Yeah. Yup.
    I understand. Un.Der.Stand. My Pictimilitude blog is a smattering of all things Cyndi…rubbed together like smears of eyeshadow, with sparkly hints of the personal. I don’t know if I’ll keep it.
    It’s a representation of 300 posts or so of my past. Some of the hardest years of my life, though we clarks just continue smiling when our hearts are ripe for the squishing-out-of-all blood. It’s not that it’s a failure…it’s just that I think something snapped when I took my two-week break from IT ALL over Christmas. I finally acknowledged that maybe it’s more about answering the call to what you’re good and what you DO enjoy, more than just catering to the whims of a hobby wanting to be your full-time gig. Eh…I never made any money from blogging. Oh well.
    You’ll not soon forget that fateful drive to northern Virginia. I won’t forget Dec. 26, 2000 when I left my parents’ home for the last time as a resident there. A three-hour drive to a tiny hotel room that would become my residence for six months while I took my first job as a ski instructor in a strange place and town…it did feel so far away. Sometimes I wish I went farther (why didn’t I go to Argentina to teach skiing?). But that’s where I ended up. It changed the course of my life for sure…add this, take away that…and here I am right here, right now…typing this.
    Life. So full of winding roads, rolling uphills, and coast-down-as-fast-as-you-can downhills.
    Ha. Ha. Ha.
    Stay warm!

    1. hey hey!! ski instructor?! damn, the current version of myself does not seem to have that information… (and fair warning, when I grew up there was some referred to as ‘ski movies’ and not George Miller…rather American International with teen stars (who when you watch the movies know *might* mistake them for “young-at-heart’ twenty-somethings but not teenager…

      as a matter of fact. to give you a sense of the Fellini-like surrealism of the genre, I will put the embed code of a vid (leaving it to the actual owner of this blog to reinstall it…lol)

      1. LOL Who could forget those movies…Annette, Frankie, Elvis.
        Somehow, seeing James Brown in this clip is a tad bizarre but who doesn’t love James Brown?

        Cyndi? I’ve got a visual of the young, clarklike ski bunny instructor Cyndi standing off to the left up there…..

    2. Thank you Cyndi. Yeah! We know how to coat it don’t we? LOL

      “My Pictimilitude blog is a smattering of all things Cyndi…rubbed together like smears of eyeshadow, with sparkly hints of the personal.” I love this!! Like smears of eyeshadow. Damn.

      No, your blog was not a “failure”. Your blog was just as you described – “a smattering of things Cyndi” and that my friend is a beautiful thing. It was truly a work of art.

      Ski instructor, eh? And you left the day after Christmas?! You must tell me more of your youthful adventures as a ski instructor!!

      You stay warm too!! Thank you for stopping by today:)

  2. As a scott, I mostly don’t know what the hell you clarks are talking about most of the time. (Like that subtext stuff Lizzi mentioned? I say, “What subtexts?!?!”)
    With this, I think I got the gist. 🙂 It must be difficult, being in this place, at this time, completely different than what you ever would have planned.
    I hope to see you on a vidchat one of these days… I’ve missed seeing you around the internet.

    1. “most” of the time. But not all the time:)

      It was very difficult at first but I’m acclimating. clarks are very good at adapting:)

      Yes! You should stop by to a Friday night chat or the Sunday Brunch. You’d definitely liven up the place.
      Thank you. I actually have missed making the rounds to all my favorite blogspots. But, I did stop by the Coop last night. Was so tired I can’t remember if I left a comment. I loved all your pictures. Your property looked so beautiful in all that snow cover but I’m glad I don’t live there! What a great place to be a kid…everyone looked to be having a great time. And that was awesomely freaking, the pic of the bird. LOL

      Thank you Christine for reading and stopping by to say hello today:)

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