nobody ever told us baby…(how it was gonna be)

“shape of my space”…..“on my face”….of a clarklike female. But what does that mean?

clarks find the hope in the darkness, hear the possibility in the chorus,  the positivity in the minor chord.

As an Outsider, we’re often able to more quickly dispell the desire to belong than say, our rogerian brethern. Oftentimes this brings relief. When we stop caring. For real. (not the pretend not caring. that’s something else altogether). Because in the end nothing matters. “Nothing else matters”.  Thank you James.

What does matter is remembering that life can end in literally the blink of an eye. I can be going to the library in the early afternoon with my mom. Driving 6 short miles or so to town on a pleasant September day. Clouds teasing, playing hide n seek like carefree children. Sun shining September back to school light, the seasonal dimmer switch having been turned a half notch towards fall. Both of us clueless, that in mere hours her life would end.

There was only on street parking at the East Greenwich Library. It was “up the hill” in the old part of town. The streets were narrow. Sometimes it took a couple block go rounds before we found a space. After parking, usually not too far down from the church across the street, we’d walk, mother and daughter. Towards the building that held wonder and travel, excitement and escape. To the place of books. A place we’d go together every week since I could remember. In retrospect, not a bad last day.

What I didn’t know then was that we were both clarks. Now it makes perfect sense to me. Now that I know the Wakefield Doctrine aka the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers. I understand. (for clarks it is about the “understanding”. it’s about the rational). We could talk to each other easily. By that I mean we could talk to one another from a place of understanding, sympatico if you will.

We knew on an instinctive level what the other was saying or meaning to say even without  the perfect words. We understood what it was the other was implying or struggling to express. With clarks, it’s like a form of telepathy. Can’t explain it. Only with another clark can I not necessarily have to finish a sentence for my thoughts to be clear. Understood.

Last October I went to the “Library”. Life changed. Dramatically. Again. For you clarks that find yourselves at the end of this post, get outside. Of your head. There is much to be had in the here and now. Do not be afraid. Package the fear. Put it in a storage unit. What’s the worst that can happen? You die?



  1. Clark Scottroger · April 21, 2014

    you are correct, because the world is a feeling and we are, in fact, responsible for how we feel.


  2. lrconsiderer · April 21, 2014


    Yet sometimes that responsibility is so great a burden.


    • GirlieOnTheEdge · April 21, 2014

      As much as I allow it to be (a burden). Or Not.

      What a great vid! Thank you Lizzi. It’s one of those “happy” songs:)


      • lrconsiderer · April 21, 2014

        Would it were that simple.

        And yes, on the surface it appears so.


        • GirlieOnTheEdge · April 21, 2014

          Simple yes. Easy? No. But doesn’t it always boil down to choice?

          Ah, but the notes. Major chord songs sound happy when often the lyrics say otherwise.
          Kind of like “leading the witness” 🙂


  3. lrconsiderer · April 22, 2014

    Aha so it’s not always choice. I knew it 🙂

    Songs are tricksy. This one is:


    • GirlieOnTheEdge · April 22, 2014

      No Lizzi. It is always choice.
      For clarks, well, for me anyway, it has taken practice. To not indulge. In the negative, the sad. The self recrimination. Too much.
      The irrational “world” of feelings…it is why we turn so much to music, to the arts for self expression.
      We can thank Lenny – good song:)


      • lrconsiderer · April 22, 2014

        And yet, it seems so unhealthy, so alien to just detach…

        Adunno. Perhaps this is my inner rogerian crying out, but I’d rather be at the mercy of the Feels than a vulcan-like being.


        • GirlieOnTheEdge · April 23, 2014

          Detachment is not reached simply by deciding it will be so.
          In my opinion, it is a process whereby it (detachment) appears to make the only sense. From a self preservation point of view.

          There will come a day when you begin to realize that certain relationships, for example, hold a particular value for you only because you have assigned/projected a certain value to them. How you view the relationship. Knowing the Wakefield Doctrine, how individual realities differ, explains the rest:)

          It’s about balance. You will never not be a clark. But maybe a much more evolved and balanced clark:)


        • lrconsiderer · April 24, 2014

          I spent my childhood trying to quash all the Feels, and that was necessary, for survival, but they still flooded out in the end and nearly did for me – I’m not trying to be ornery, just attempting to understand, because after years of automaton-ness, with storms locked tight inside, I agreed with myself that it wasn’t worth it to try to contain them and deal with the damage when they (inevitably) burst out.

          Re the relationships – is this the one-sided ones, where I’m the only one who seems to be bothered about maintaining it? Or the slightly toxic ones I decide to keep anyway because I care about the person? Or…? This bit worries me.


        • GirlieOnTheEdge · April 24, 2014

          As children we reach out to/for whatever coping strategy makes “sense” at the time. If we’re lucky, by the time we reach adulthood, we’ve acquired a better understanding (because as clarks the need to understand trumps all) of how the world “works”. Whether or not our understanding is healthy, well, that is another matter. (have to stop to share this image in my brain – when babies are born they come out crying “waah, waah”. except for the tiny clarklike babies who come out crying “why?, why?”. you have to be inside my head lol. funny inside my head)

          As clarks, we grow from the point of recognition and acknolwedgement of ourselves as “outsiders”. Against the backdrop of what most consider “normal”, the status quo, the “this is how real people live, do” etc. we wind up assigning a negative value to being an “outsider” thereby creating a negative self image. (insert “blah, blah, blah…blah, blah:) This you already know. Why must I babble on?! (see! right there! a thing we do. apologize for ouselves! stop doing that. now!)

          Emotion is non rational. We are based in the rational. And yet we like people in my opinion possess an incredible ability to “feel”.

          Yes Yes. Worry can be a good indicator. Can be. If the worry is a thing within your self that is trying to help you make sense. Relationships boil down to choice. About how much we as individuals are willing to sacrifice in order to maintain them. The give and take if you will.

          clark, scott or roger….the relationship manifests differently for each.


        • lrconsiderer · April 24, 2014

          *giggling* You made ME laugh with the “Why! Why! Why!” 😀

          Okay so we kind of are MORE like Spock in that we feel deeply but don’t necessarily allow it to control us. Is that it? I feel like I’m not quite grasping this concept, because the clark-dark is an emotional trip like no other I’ve seen ANY roger or scott get stuck into.


          And worry. Dang do I ever worry. I worry several because I think I give too much of myself and …maybe become a bit fawning, and a bit of a pet rather than someone to be taken seriously. Adunno. And then there’s the…oh I just, I guess I go out of my way a lot to brighten certain peoples days and just…it’s like chucking sunshine off a cliff into the sea – I get to see a ripple of a smile and then am left wondering what the ocean thought of it all.

          Damn. I’m into a tangle in my brain.


        • GirlieOnTheEdge · April 25, 2014

          Yes, you could say we are more like Mr. Spock. Emotion/feelings. These are not of the rational world – the world of a clark. Emotion manifests differently in and for clarks than it does for scotts and rogers. And make no mistake, there is no scott or roger on the planet that has a clue about the clark-dark. Not a one. You might as well not bother ever trying to explain to anyone other than a clark what it is, what you experience. It’s just not in their (scotts, rogers) frame of reference. Thankfully, you know many clarks and any one of us is there to help. (With a flashlight or simply to listen.) It’s in our nature to want to help others. And there Lizzi, is another topic of conversation necessary for clarks. The notion of wanting to help another person. Especially the darned rogers in our lives!
          I am thankful to be having this conversation with you here. It wasn’t until Clark began the Wakefield Doctrine Blog and I began meeting other clarks that I realized there were so many people, “strangers”, I could converse with who understood without a lot of effort, what I might be trying to communicate at the time. What my world was like, what I was “feeling”.

          I will be back to respond to the 2nd paragraph but let me leave you with this…. cuz I know about the brain tangle. Talk to you soon:)


  4. findingninee · April 27, 2014

    Wow, Denise, the line that sticks with me is that in retrospect, it wasn’t a bad last day. I think about this ALL. The. Time. How every moment can be our last. Thanks for the reminder to get out of my head today and to get out of my head today. I saw in your comments back and forth with Lizzi the “whaaa, whaaa” and Clark babies saying “why? why?” too funny! And um, yup.


    • GirlieOnTheEdge · April 27, 2014

      I know I’m not the only one:)
      Yeah, Clark used to always tell me to htfu. About everything. He’s right. No sitting on my ass indulging anymore. I’m a grownup clark now LOL Time to get the shit done, right?!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s