it’s time for dinner now…

Sunday, April 27, 2014 7:14 am. It would have been very nice to have “slept in” today. Doin’ the slow stretch as I eased my mind and senses awake  The way you should on an early spring, quiet as a churchmouse, Sunday. Nice indeed. If I were waking up in my “own place”.

A “holy” day. The only day in the week you put on your “Sunday best”. (They’re talking about clothing right?) A go to church, stop by the drugstore on the way back for the Sunday paper, wait around (not in the kitchen) while Sunday breakfast is prepared. Sunday breakfast. The only day of the week that breakfast isn’t self serve. And! And you sit at the table to eat it! Still in your Sunday, church clothes. Most of the time it’s bacon and eggs and toast* or french toast. A most elegant morning meal compared to cereal days of the week.

Not sleeping in today. In fact, I won’t be “sleeping in” until the day I own my own abode. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful daily for the generosity of my nephew. In ways I am able, small gestures, if you will, I try to show that gratitude. Gratitude for the opportunity he’s giving me. To put it all together again. Huh. Again. Let me re-phrase: to put it all together for the last time.

I wake up each day to a job. To aquire sufficent greenbacks to buy a house of my own. Where I can live. For the rest of my days. Where I can “sleep in” if I so desire. Everything needs to be about that. What the hell else is there? I have no children, no child. I threw that one away. (a conversation for the clarks some other time, why we “throw” things away) So fuck this. Fuck all the shit I do. (no, Girlie! don’t do this! why not? some will recognize it for what it is. it’s one of those days. isn’t it the the day after absolution day? don’t I get a free one?)

Today is Sunday. The day of the week you get a free pass. To reflect, re-consider, get off your ass and start it all again. Where going to church can be as simple as singing along with Lyle. I be singing loud today. With Lyle.

*Not to be confused with “breakfast for dinner” during the week. Entirely different bacon and eggs. Entirely:)

 

 

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25 thoughts on “it’s time for dinner now…

  1. I think I get that statement: clarks “throw” things away. Like…when I walked away from a job two years ago I wasn’t entirely happy with? Uh, the very same that I’m *considering* going back to? Oy vey. Life.
    It’s the end of the semester here: the big papers are done, and I have a final presentation to give which will require me sitting in class from 6-9 pm on a Tuesday night and then have to drive home for two hours…and other than a small reflection paper (with references, dang it), I’ll be finished. Hopefully I can get that dang paper finished by Wednesday – fully a week before the official end of the semester. Holy moly, I will have my life back in DAYS. I am not going to know what to do with myself, haha.
    I think about getting back into blogging again. But, though I want to do some writing, I’m not so sure I’m heading back into the blogging business: I’ve met some incredible, incredible people, but the financial aspect doesn’t pay off for me. I figure I may as well paint and create “presents” for people at the same time, lol.
    But, other than some planned writing of Spanish articles and a two-week long Spanish summer camp I’m going to do, I think I am going to chill out and work on house-related things this summer.
    And the job hunt. The school I’m at is awesome, but they have firmly said they can’t secure more funds to make me full time. I sort of knew that was coming already: hence me looking at other jobs as early as February. I decided to go with my instincts on that one. I just hope my instincts are correct about the next job – whatever it is.
    See what your post did? It led to this whole existential discussion about the vagaries of life. I love how your writing does that.
    Keep on the good fight for that house. You’ll get there. Baby steps. They’ll add up big time in the not-too-distant-future. HUGS

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    1. You are a shining example of taking “baby steps” Cyndi:) As clarks we often jump ahead to the “big” picture thinking we already know what it (BIG picture) is! Seems like yesterday you were starting as a student to school there (sorry, had to quote “the Lady”!). And now, what you once thought would take forever, is coming to a conclusion. And you’re still young.LOL That is incredibly inspiring.
      I took a peek at Clark’s comment and saw his reference to Castenada. Got to throw in my own….the path with heart. Once you find it, stay on it, I believe it leads to a life well lived, well loved. You’re on it. I try to be on it.
      I think* it’s wonderful you are meeting incredible people. Sounds like you have a most excellent summer ahead of you!
      As to your “instincts”. Yes, trust them. They are the tiny voices speaking for your body. Listen to the body.
      I look forward to hearing about your summer and would love to know what it is you do at Spanish camp. One day I will learn the language. Only maybe you could remind me of that every now and again?:)
      You have paid me a most wonderful compliment today Cyndi. Thank you.
      I am for sure a fighter and I will not give up. And I will take the advice of one who is taking the baby steps.
      HUGS back.

      *Next time you call in on the Saturday Night Drive, remind me to talk about the substituting of clarklike words for rogerian ones. I am totally on to another experiment to “enhance” my rogerian aspect. And when I say “mimic” I mean it in only the nicest of ways:)

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  2. “well, well, well, well well” (in the most excellent Lyle video attached to your Post, specifically minute: 0:54)

    Hey! Cyndi!

    “…– fully a week before the official end of the semester”
    yow! you realize, of course, that you have an opportunity to earn some non-committed, non-specified use time!! (as always, I am totally borrowing this from Castenada. …so Carlos set out to meet up with don Juan at some distant meeting place, but on an impulse he (Carlos) stopped by don Juan’s house (where he was not supposed to be) and there he was! So when Carlos related this, he added, “and I would have spent 2 days driving to this other place” and don Juan, “fine, you have two days as a gift”
    (paraphrased…big time)
    but, …but! that means you may come into possession of a number of days that would not have existed (and ‘free time’) otherwise.
    very cool

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  3. lrconsiderer

    I know I sometimes trash things out of spite. For whom though, I’m never sure.

    I like your version of church, and I hope you get your own place and the chance to sleep in.

    Husby and I said to each other, just today, as he was getting up from a nap, and as I was going for one “There is no pressure. No demands. We can just enjoy our time.” And it’s still kinda sad, but there are silver linings all over the place.

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    1. Yes, you do.(know for sure)

      Thanks. It’s fun. Lyle helps me to give thanks. Anyone who creates music that can inspire feeling enough to get me up dancing or moving or creating my own damn self deserves to be shared.

      Thank you Lizzi. I will get my own place one day. My own place for my little family. And I will sleep in on the occasional Sunday and have coffee brought to me while I contemplate how to spend the day:)

      Yes. Silver linings everywhere. The dark cannot be so… without the light.

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        1. No waiting for change! There is no “waiting”. Waiting is what clarks do! They wait for other people. No. No. and….No:)
          “Change” is not static. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/change
          It does not happen in and of, because of itself.

          Me too:)

          P.S. No access to internet during the day. Really need to buy a battery for the laptop. Then I can check up on my friends at lunchtime and before I leave work for the day:)

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        2. lrconsiderer

          The only constant we can count on is change.

          And believe me, you are DEFINITELY one of those people who happens to life, rather than the other way around…

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        3. Hm. You give me pause to think. Once again:) I think that statement depends on context and perspective.
          I think you should write about it!

          You, my friend, do not chuck sunshine off a cliff into the sea with me!! I’ll tell you right now how WONDERFUL that makes me feel:D
          Objective “reality” v subjective “reality”. *sigh*

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        4. lrconsiderer

          Well, to an extent, because really, life happens to us all, but you do at least ‘happen back’ 🙂

          Is that a clark thing, yathink? Or, at least a clark-light thing (I can’t see a ‘darked’ clark happening to much)?

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        5. And that is the most important thing, to “happen back”. We clarks too often stay inside our heads. Thinking about all the things we are going to do.(clarks are of the future) And the life we are going to have. And seem to wait for that “right” time to do all those things. We’re great at the making of “plans” (I have totally deleted that word from my vocabulary) So it is rather important to be present. In the here and now and not think so much. Ours is a challenging life, yes?

          Clarify please….is what a clark thing?

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        6. Yes, I think so. In so far as we (clarks) are not constrained by the “self-imposed” limitations felt by rogers (as members of the “herd”). clarks do no see limitation(s) in quite the same light as scotts or rogers. We do not dis-believe in the impossible.
          We “happen back” because we can:)
          Fear is the only thing that keeps a clark from “happening back”.

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  4. skipcote

    As Lizzi said….fear is our kryptonite. ..
    luckily I hooked my wagon to a fearless star years ago and whodda thought this clark would change its stripes??? I think Lyle is one of my favs….so awesome!
    Nice to see you tonight! I gotta go up top and check out email sub…I keep missing your posts…
    in a way its kinda cool though looking in retrospect at Cyndis comment and knowing in real time what has happened!

    Like

    1. Fear is at the root of many a clark’s “issues”. One of those difficult concepts to describe because I personally believe clarks to possess much courage:) You’ll have to tell me where you found that “star”. It’s a lot of work sometimes to remind myself it’s “all in my head” lol. I think being older makes some things in life easier.

      It was good to see you last night as well. I was a tad more awake than normal believe it or not! It was an incredibly grueling week – the deadlines were phenomenal. So glad it’s over (she says while getting ready to go in today lol)

      I love Lyle’s cd Joshua Judges Ruth. Not a bad song on it.

      I always enjoy when you stop by. Hopefully, I’ll get producing on a more regular basis!!
      Cyndi’s news is most awesome indeed.

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