I’m like you. Like a lot of people. I’ve got my skeletons. Got my darkness. Hell, I’m a clark. That in and of itself should give some of you a huge heads up. LOL. Except I don’t hang out in the dark places too long if I can help it. Did enough of that when I was young. Got smarter about things. “Course it doesn’t always help. You know, to intellectualize things. Sometimes you just have to cry.
I did that today (Friday) in the ladies room at work. It took one event to tip my scales and there I was. In the stall doin’ the silent, muffle tear jerk. Luckily no one was in there. Why the cry? So simple, stupid. It was a day I felt I needed a little extra “support”. It was the last day of a work week that began in a particularly unpleasant way. Maybe I should start with that?
Pre-story. In case you don’t know. I jumped timelines last October 22, 2013 and arrived in Alexandria, Virginia at the apartment of a nephew by association. A lifesaver in my travelogue diary. I’m still here. And shouldn’t be. Which the Universe reminded me of on Monday morning. It’s funny. Only the day before, Sunday, I came to some heavy duty realizations, some decisions and was anxious to put them in motion. For they would put me in motion. Forward motion. Lacking lately, bigtime.
There’s a project at work. Overtime has been extended. I gladly accepted. Woke up Monday morning at the usual 4:15 am. Had every intention of leaving extra, extra early but alas, I was only a little early. Can’t seem to get to work extra early on Mondays. Anyway, I walked up the stairs from the apartment to the landing at the front doors of the building. Looked out to the parking lot and noticed the picture was wrong. Where. Was. My. Car. It was gone.
Heart beating fast. The f word now on a loop (in various formations). Yup. This event was way more effective than my usual a.m. caffeine… but way more unpleasant. There had been a recent change in the parking policy that I was unaware of. I had a parking pass in my car but apparently, not the right one. $185 and 35 minutes late to work later, I was fuming. At myself.
Monday = having the Universe rub my face in the gritty sand of stasis reminding me that I have languished too long between timelines.
Friday = realizing that I need absolutely nothing. Almost nothing. Just the basics – music, books, instruments, computer. Anything else? Yes. Coffee.
What happened today? I may have mentioned, navigating timelines is not for the feint of heart. Me? I have no feint heart. (most of the time) Yet today I decided I “needed” something. So I put a ring on my right index finger. A silver, “woven” band that belonged to my mother. A connection to the clarklike female who gave birth to me. My aforementioned “support”.
Sometime in the early afternoon I looked at my hand because I felt “empty”. No ring! I’ve lost it! I’ve lost my mother’s ring. Panic. I looked everywhere at work. Nowhere to be found. Result: the episode in the ladies room. Afterwards? Sadness. Depression. And an absolute belief that “things” are a complete burden. Sentiment …a burden.
It’s a little late to take credit for making the tough decisions in life if the Universe steps in to remind us after the fact. I don’t mind some butting in (by the Universe) ahead of my not so seeing eyes. But after I “get it”, after I see all the things that until that moment I did not see. Really?
What about that? Am I the only one to have those moments (sometimes awful) of seeing the things that were always there but for my own…what? What keeps us from seeing the things we cannot see?