Thursday was my Tuesday

But ya know what? It wasn’t twice as bad. Nope. But it was rather “somnabulistic” for severe lack of sleep. My most memorable moment from Thursday (T-ful #1) came in the early a.m. drive to work. Barely 3 miles out from the apt., approaching the 95 overpass via the “new traffic pattern” (T-ful#2 for the life reminder), I glanced at the driver’s side view mirror. If you had been a passenger in my car you would have heard me exclaim reverently “wow”.

There, appearing in the mirror was an engorged, oversized sphere, suspended above the horizon. Surrounded by the most beautifully hued reds and pinks, and just a splash of dreamcicle orange. It was breathtaking. Had there been an audience within my car, the sight would have inspired all kinds of oos and ahs.  So powerful this vision I had to physically turn my head, just for a moment (I am on a major highway lol), to glimpse head on (reminder to self about life) a moment in time that in minutes would no longer exist. (ok already, I get it. only today. no tomorrow) (T-ful#3)

I’m thankful for those types of moments. In time. In the vast expanse that is my life, surely there are millions of such moments. Stored as if bytes of information on the hard drive that is my heart and soul. It is now 1 day into another TToT Blog Hop. I’ve decided not to chastize myself for writing this post, for participating in this most wonderful of blog hops.(T-ful #4) No sir. Why should I? If I write nothing more than a post a week, do nothing more, share it with others, why would I be so hard on myself? And yet…..

I went home over the Labor Day holiday weekend. Semi-spur of the moment. A couple of days prior to leaving I started hearing a song on the radio. One of my favorites except you don’t hear it on the radio much. At least around these parts. Then I heard it once on my return journey. I sang along quite loudly in my car. Here, take a listen. (T-ful#5)

As a clark, I assigned significance to hearing this prior to my journey. Just as I assigned significance to another song very rarely heard. Which I heard only in R.I. (home). That particular song is not so welcome. Associated with my father’s dying, it is a song which I immediately turn off once I’ve identified it. I heard it 2x while driving in my home state. Only this time, I did not turn it off, did not turn the dial. I listened. Let my body listen. (T-ful#6).

It has been over a decade since I last visited my homeland. A whirlwind trip, it was understatedly powerful. There were no words (still no words) for what I was feeling, for it is was a totally physical experience. By that I mean my body was assimilating being there. Trying to process the steady stream of emotions running beneath the sights and sounds, places and people. (T-ful #7)

Attempting to configure the placement of my own self. There. (Here). On the planet. In space. In time. It was a moment in time. Too short. Incomplete.

If you all don’t mind, I think I’ll save my last 3 T-fuls for tomorrow….

Lizzi, Laura? This is the song I mentioned last night…that you guys would like:)

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39 thoughts on “Thursday was my Tuesday

  1. I am not a big music fan but always check it out here and the WD… go figure! I totally get the sunrise thing….man i can pull over at least …no interstate out here to worry about clogging up traffic to get a gander!

    1. That’s very interesting Zoe. And not something I knew about you. I’m glad you check out the music though. I love sharing it. Part of my “expression”:)
      You’re so lucky to live in the area you do. One day I will live in a less “congested” area so I can also pull over to take a gander when the moment demands.

  2. hey! just because I can’t quite remember the entire movie, and therefore don’t (necessarily) know the intended significance of that last scene of Vanilla Sky, doesn’t mean I can’t get pissed off at it!
    lol
    so, (and yes it does reveal a lot about me personally) but why was it necessary to have the pretty Tom Cruise be in the interaction with Penelope Cruz instead of the fucked-up looking Tom Cruise? (sure.. a flashback and all, before the crash etc and etc, but if they were going to get all mistycal and philosophical then the ‘real’ person was the one you saw as the scene opened.
    if that’s not rogerian pretty-ism at it’s worst, tell me what is….
    screw that, and Tom and Penelope and the fricken pretty but oh-so-wise idiot standing by the ledge to make sure that the ugly Tom didn’t get any ideas about having a normal life…seeing how rumpled-up and un-attractive he was and all…

    lol is this thing on?

    great movie! long live the beautiful people!

    1. Nothin’. Absolutely nothing I can say after that most excellent comment lol.

      But you! You should have read this early in the day and told me I fucked up with the lyrics reference. (“Stormy Monday, but Tuesday’s just as bad”) Damn! And to make it worse I’m being a total clark by announcing my mistake to the world. Is there any hope for my people…..

      Gotta go walk….

      1. lol… only a clark would realize a mistake and leave it (or worse, suspect an impending error, and, knowing fully well that information is available, leave it drift out into the world, our energy expended in the act of ‘being public’.

        1. Is there no facet of life in which fear is not present for a clark?:)
          As soon as I realized my “mistake”, I felt… awful, embarrassed. I thought, “damn, people are going to think I’m (fill in the blank). She almost got it right….”
          And then! Then I thought, even if the refernce was correct, is there really anyone to recognize it? Answer. Probably not.

          Lizzie has coined a rather nice term for what we clarks are so famous for (at party, hostess asks: “anyone care for an obscure, multi-layered word hor dourve?”) – subtext.

  3. Hang on, hang on…still listening to Mama I’m Coming Home. It’s rather lovely.

    And yes – that moment of bittersweetness when we let ourselves immerse in something which has previously been unbearable. It’s rather like a non-physical version of Clark’s ‘ordeal’…but sometimes can be very healing in a way. I hope it was for you…

    1. Isn’t it a great song?!

      Sometimes it can be healing, sometimes I suppose it is simply embracing one’s humanity, accepting that perhaps one is now strong enough to do such a thing. Difficult to explain. I really had no words to describe what I was feeling for my short time “home”. There just were no words. There are still no words. Maybe after the next trip:)

        1. That’s far more altruistic than I am – I guess my scottian side may kick in a bit sooner – I am pleased, of course, if others can benefit from my ups and downs, but I do them (as much as I do them on purpose or have any control over them at all) primarily for me.

        2. I know that you do. I still do my own self but to a lesser extent. It is an enormous challenge to put my needs, my wants first. I can not explain why it is I can rationalize away the “me first” concept. It’s all about my worldview. It’s all about clarks, on some level, not feeling like we deserve (fill in the blank). Fuck that shit! You have a talk with your scottian self. Let her do some talking to your clarklike self. Yes. It’s tough to swallow. But we are the epitome of “tough”. You know it, I know it.

          I don’t have the life I thought I would. (I do have the life someone else figured I’d have for knowing I was a clark). But my life isn’t over. And until it is, there’s opportunity to look for, take what I am deserving. Younger clarks, like youself, do not have to contend with regret when you are my age because you have the Doctrine now. To use. For your self. The difficult decision making, the choices, the struggle with doubt and fear, all of these things in my mind are more manageable for knowing the Doctrine.

          My friend Lolita, at work. She will often come through where I sit on her way to the copier softly and sometimes not, saying “life is hard”. In my mind I channel Johnny and finish with “and then you die”. Always brings a smile to my face:)

          I’m stopping now. Just because it is Sunday does not give me a permit for soap boxing! I’m done.

        3. No, that’s still what I hear – life is hard and then you die, and sometimes it really makes me wonder…I wrote about this last week, and yes, we have friends there to add silver linings to our existence but I’m struggling to see the POINT (faith aside, which, alright – if it must be, then so it is, though that’s not something which sits comfortably atm) which leaves me wondering if all we can do is try to leave the world better than we found it.

          Which then (of course) calls into question the nature of betterment, which still (in many ways) comes back to (for me) the way we can enrich the lives of our friends and have ours enriched in return (questions of worth and deserving aside).

          I am so very glad for the doctrine, because it helps to untangle some of the snaggles of the day-to-day, though giving a point seems to be rather NOT the point of the doctrine – it’s more an operator’s manual than a ‘here’s how you get to the endgame’ kind of thing. But it serves its purpose admirably, and certainly gives an alternative perspective to things when life feels a bit much.

          But still we struggle on. Perhaps Austin-style: “For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours and laugh at them in our turn?”

        1. Ah, she of happy “surf” music:) I forget that not all clarks enjoy the “dark” music lol. There is something to be said for the “happy” music. Funny, sometimes my “happy” music is quite literally that – all major chords and such. But then, there are songs that are “happy” for me that others would wonder at because they are heavy, dark and filled with minor chords. All in the definition, right? How music manifests within….

          I am embarrassed to ask, probably being “old(er)”….QOTSA?

        2. Pffft. I don’t think these guys are new. Also, Happy Surf Music this ain’t – it’s heavy, but a different kind. It’s lovely and brilliant. Give it a try – Queens of the Stone Age – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7SrwwT6Zps

          Happy music I like only sometimes. There are times when only Nirvana’s ‘All Apologies’ on a loop, until I feel hollow, will do.

          And there are some pieces of e.g. Rammstein/QOTSA which make me feel…adunno – happy? Energised? Like I want to smile and shout and run and break things.

        3. No. They are not new. My watching the vid is new:) Graham is now 66 years old.
          I will try it. They played a venue in this area a couple of months ago.

          See, my interpretation of happy music is often of the heavy variety. It does what you speak of … feelings of “lightness and energy and vitality”. Rammstein. Thinking I’ve heard them. Geez. Now I’ve got to spend time at the Tube! Love listening to new stuff.

  4. Nice song….I like it. Thanks for sharing it. As for the Ozzy song, it is one of my favorites. I love a good power ballad. Did you know he wrote that for Sharon?
    My husband was out on the boat last night and sent me the most spectacular picture of the sunset. A beautiful sunrise or sunset can make all that is wrong in the world disappear for just a few precious moments.

  5. dyannedillon

    #36!
    It’s a love/hate thing when you see something like a sunrise that is so beautiful, you want a picture to help you remember it. But you can’t take one, because you’re hurtling down the freeway or otherwise occupied, and you find you always remember just how that sunrise looked, even without the photograph, because of the picture you painted in your brain.

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