Yeah? What Of It Buddy. WTF Of It?!

clarks. We’re such fucked up people. To top it all off, like the proverbial cherry on top, we spend most of our (young) adulthood trying to “figure” ways to deal with all the shit that fucks us up. clarks know what  I’m talkin’ about. We’re looking for the answers, for the way to cope, sometimes on a daily basis…in our heads. “Cuz that’s where it all happens. That is the place of origin, ground zero. The “haid” (thanks be to the Lady for correct pronounciation lol)

The insistence that I can think my way out of a bad mood, a sad mood, out of hopelessness and defeat, darkness and despair. That is a clark thing. It is just this internal dialogue that so fucks us up. The thinking! We all know this to be true. clarks think, scotts act and rogers feel.  The saying isn’t “she/he jumped in head first”. The saying is “she/he jumped in feet first”. Ostensibly to avoid injury. So what the hell does that mean?  For/to us? What does it represent?

You know those things floating around the internet: “who did you get?”, what color/character/author are you?list your favorite (fill in the blank), list your most influential/favorite books?” I’ve never participated. This last one? About books? I’m going to use that as my first thankful. “Cuz up there in paragraph 2, 7th line, I mentioned internal dialogue. Which never doesn’t bring to mind Carlos Castaneda and his book series that begins with The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge.

TF No. 2 A Separate Reality (book 2 in the series). We clarks know all about that, don’t we:) Our reality, that of the Outsider, is a real reality. We relate ourselves to the world as outsiders. We are here, the world is…out there. My “job”, my self challenge, has been to better my self, my quality of life, by learning to relate myself to the world as a scott, as a roger. At will.  A huge undertaking. Since I have a secondary scottian aspect, the “at will” business is a little easier. Relating to the world as a roger has always been more difficult. The currency of rogers is emotion. A non rational thing. This is in direct opposition to what we clarks trade in – the intellect. We be rational – “gotta be a reason for everything and I’ll figure it out if it kills me by golly“. I’m happy to report that in the last 2 years I’ve made some inroads into understanding and relating to them rogers. Which…has helped to alleviate a lot of questions that used to perplex me. And that one my friends, insists on being TF No.3. (damn, I’m all over the place, tense wise. Note to self: learn how to write!!!)

TF No. 4 Journey to Ixtlan (book 3 in the series). It’s been way too long but memory tells me this book is really getting into the “good stuff”. Which is why maybe I’ve been so s-l-o-w to start re-reading all the books?! Seems I’ve been putting it off, why??

TF No. 5 Tales of Power, 4th book in the series. I need a refresher for sure.

TF No. 6 The Second Ring of Power, the 5th and final in the series as written by Carlos. Imo.  Yes, I own the next 4 books in the series but no one can convince me that Carlos wrote them.   

TF No. 7 For thinking I haven’t already lost that last sandwich(what is that ditty about being short a sandwich and picnics and isn’t there a basket involved?!). I mean, maybe I’ve already succombed to the pressure. Word to scotts and rogers: you have no idea the types/kinds of pressure we clarks put upon ourselves. It’s not just the pressure we perceive is there, it’s the pressure we simply put upon ourselves to be…better, to fit in better, to be a part of – better. The pressure to: not fail, to excel, to somehow prove that we are living up to our potential, that we “have what everyone else has”. To not be so on the “outside” of it all.

TF No.8 Now here’s a different one. For all the poetry proliferating on the net recently, here’s a couple of my favorite blog places to find it. Here – check these out. FYI guys, I haven’t been leaving comments ‘cuz sometimes I’m speechless when it comes to voicing my reaction to words grouped and labeled “poetry”:) Lets see, where’d I put those links….Zoe , Z’s poetry (and Lizzie’s too) can be found here . Laura. She has recently presented this site, The Reverie.

Where are we now? At the point that I go “amnesciac”.  On those items that I’ve been thankful for all during the week…Now this is a good one. TF No.9  That a co-worker, my office manager asked if she could join me on my lunchtime walks. Of course I said “yes!”. The first time she came along I was unprepared (didn’t know I’d have company). I hadn’t brought my sneakers that day and figured my walk would just have to be a little slower. Guess what? My walking partner turned out to be a “serious” walker. Man, we hit it right away at a pretty darn good clip. Needless to say backless shoes are not overly conducive to power walking. But I kept up. I’m very glad to have had the company.

How to round out the TF No. 10 spot? I know! Having a little time off from the story at The Secessionist Rag. It is after all Roger’s “turn”. Having said that, I now need him to HTFU and write Chapter 28.

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34 thoughts on “Yeah? What Of It Buddy. WTF Of It?!

  1. Oh my good GAAWWWWWD! SO EFFED UP! I cannot agree more… this week has been one of my most thinkiest weeks and I could use a good lobotomy to stop me! THanks for the shout out… between Lizzi and Laura my poetry is a lot like having my way with a man from Nantucket if ya get my drift!

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  2. Sometimes I just want a switch on my brain. On/off. Because really there is no in between. And that off thing happens so very rarely.

    Also walking. Yes I have made the same mistake about backless shoes. In fact I have a blister from my sandals right now.

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  3. I completely agree with the fucked up part, lol. I’m the first to admit that there are days when I peer out from underneath the lenses of my glasses and I pretend that I’m batman. Ten minutes later, I’m crying because I’m a failure and haven’t invented the world’s best batmoblie. Half hour later, after a nap, I’m on cloud nine because I found a new cape…at Goodwill. 😛

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    1. You make me smile Cynthia (I’m putting the inflection on the first syllable!)

      I’m going to go out on a limb and say the older a clark gets, the less the frequency of the back and forths, ups and downs.
      Could be some get tired. Others, like myself, use mortality as a guide. Amazing how that can snap you out of a funk!
      The younger me did not have a realistic grasp on the mortality thing. Which isn’t all that shocking I suppose.

      Good thing you’ve got your Robin:)

      And most excellent on scoring a new cape!!

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  4. Well done you for keeping up on the walk. And the song…hmmm.

    As for learning to write, you already write in clark…do you need to learn another way?

    Many thanks for sharing the poeticals. It’s been a week (/month/year/life) for over-thinking the issue and fucking it up anyway, so…whatevs.

    Happy weekend to you,Girlie. And I like the ‘in yer face’ ness of this 🙂

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    1. Yes. And thank you. Don’t want my body to crumble now do we? What mean you, “hmmm”? Not sure if you like?

      Such encouragement and reinforcement. Glad I have you Lizzie R. It just bugs me that I know I could probably sound better? The whole tense thing really messes me up. I simply don’t have the whatever it is to read about better ways to write. I’m just one of those armchair wordsmith like folk.

      I love to share the poetry. It is “whatevs” baby. It is. Do for you. Enjoy for you.

      Happy what is left of weekend for you too!

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      1. No, I wasn’t convinced by the song, in the same way I am not convinced of this month or this season. There keep being niceish bits and then it all goes HORRIBLY wrong and dischordant and ugly.

        Glad to know you appreciate the encouragement. You are one worth encouraging (don’t make me unpack that one). Tenses can be played with, even as an armchair wordsmith. It’s fun to play, and if you play it like you mean it, no-one will be any the wiser.

        Thanks for sharing. Yeah – it is what it is. Some days that’s all we got.

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        1. I’m sorry for the horribly wrong. And the dischordant. And the ugly. I wish I could make it go away. Or help you make it go away.

          Yes! Always! No, I won’t make you unpack…

          My pleasure. I’d like to do it more often:)

          Liked by 1 person

        2. If there were any way you could, I would let you know. Alas it’s one of those things only I can fight. Whether it requires the back-up of medication remains to be seen. Am hoping not but…you know where I stand with hopes lately.

          Thanks though 🙂

          And thanks 😀

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    1. 🙂 You are “part clark” Michelle. I can tell from your poetry! Having said that, your rogerian predominant is screaming loudly when you say it kills you when you “don’t get that poem just right” lol. Nice mix ya got goin Missy:)

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  5. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me

    I really love following all these WD conversations. I am still figuring myself out, I think, but I also think I’ve probably settled on Roger with a large side of Clark. Clark tells me that two equally dominant perspectives don’t happen (or at least that’s what I understand he said) but I really waffle between which of the two is mostly me.

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    1. It is fun, isn’t it:) It does take awhile to “figure” it out. So a roger with a secondary clarklike aspect. Cool. Michelle at Getting Literal “is” a roger with secondary aspect.
      We all have a predominant way of relating ourselves to the world, the “mostly” you speak of. Funny thing, although the potential is there to experience the world as do the other 2, not everyone has a significant 2ndary or tertiary. Various life situations however can be helpful in giving us clues as to what they are or might be.

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        1. Don’t know if Michelle will be back, so may I? The vid chats are accessed through Google Plus. If you don’t already have it, its a free download/plugin. Usually someone, Clark or Zoe or Michelle or Lizzie will post the link. Or they’ll send out the invite from the hangout. That’s the official name:)
          Are you on FB? Sometimes the link will be posted there.

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  6. valj2750

    Just hello. I never read the Carlos Casteneda series, but I remember my brother was a big fan. Yes, I think to, much, and I feel too much. I guess I need two switches.

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  7. dyannedillon

    May I say, I have not read a post that used the word fuck more often or more effectively than you did today. Even Kristi (Campbell, not K2, of course) hasn’t used it this well 🙂
    It’s so much nicer to have someone to walk with you than to do it by yourself. In your case, you can’t use the time to brood further, Clark that you are. And it makes the time go faster to have someone to talk to.

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    1. Why thank you Dyanne! Kristi is indeed Dom of the f word so this, this is a high compliment:) lol

      Yes, the walking goes quicker when there’s someone to talk to. Not that I want the lunch hour to pass quickly, but it is more pleasant.
      Interesting adjective -“brood”. I like that word. feels like an action word. lol

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  8. Lisa I too am a holdout on facebook etc… but the chat? totally worth it… allow me to put in my two cents… DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!…. ahem…sorry, that just kinda slipped out.

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