…the time is right….

I’ve always been conflicted about reincarnation. From earliest childhood I’ve had, let’s call it an “obsession” with France and all things French. Does it stem from the fact that both my first and middle names are “French”? Why, since earliest memory, do I cry when I hear the French national anthem? Why has it always moved me so? The scene in Casablanca? Niagra falls Frankie angel”.

I still want to speak French fluently, think in French. Sure. I knew enough when my brother and I got lost in Paris (in a not so good part of the city) to walk into a bar and ask the bartender “comment puis-je obtenir au…. rue?”  But so what? SFW. What have I been waiting for?! What am I waiting for? Why am I waiting is the important, “whispered” question.

Fear is all encompassing in the world of a clark. Fear and self loathing are at the core of all clarks. Yes, I will have to talk of this again. Can’t drop that bomb in casual conversation without further discussion. Right now? I’m admitting in front of the werld that I’ve been avoiding a trip to the “root cellar”. What’s down there that I don’t want to see, recognize, admit or deal with? What am I afraid of finding? The truth? (no. no link for that one!).

A not so casual glance at the clock tells me that if I don’t get off my butt right this very minute I will be late for work. I’ve never done a “Part Two” – wait! “Part Deux” blog post. Let’s see if I can pull it off. Let’s see if I actually come back, re-read this post and carry over the conversation to another day. Perhaps at a different time of the day. Will I still feel the same? Am I simply caught up in a moment?

Something tells me I had better return. Here. There. And I had better htfu.

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14 thoughts on “…the time is right….

  1. WAIT! Don’t go! Does this mean you’re gonna take French? Go back to Paris? Or do a past life regression???? No matter what no need for all the Clarky worry everybody out here’s got yer back.

    1. Oh man. Back to Paris? On the arm of a gorgeous, younger French man? Mais oui, mon amie. Oui!
      Do they still do past life regression?!
      Thank you my friend. That is a comfort I’ve never known before:)
      I’m thankful for your friendship Zoe and for the community of clarks I have found myself surrounded by:)

  2. Soooo….if ya wanna learn to parlay voos frongsays, I think you should just go for it. You’d make new friends and learn stuff and have a WHOLE new environment to observe, not to mention every masochistic clark’s favourite thing – The Ordeal, of actually DOING IT.

    Your regrets, if you do not, would be bitter indeed, because deep down I think you KNOW you can do it.

    A bientot x

  3. ok….hold up there senoritinae!
    Ordeal(s) are to change as flowers are to romance!

    they are not the thing itself, they are not substitutes (for) but they are acts that offer way, way more (than may appear on the surface*) than we have the capacity to appreciate, particularly when the ‘end result’ is foggy or obscured.

    * I had something totally insightful, but I did not immediately write it (the asteriodal) and therefore lost it!**
    ** damn!

    1. Point well taken. Always, the clarification of “ordeal”. They (ordeals) need not be “big and huge” on face value, rather it is more about how a person has related themselves to the challenge represented by the ordeal, non?

  4. close…. it is to embrace the….non-controlable (no, not quite a contradiction/oxymoron) and by doing so have the …dis (agreeable/comfortable/accustomed) highlight the better-than-we-noticed parts of our reality…. it is to see the world with the haze of routine removed

    1. Here, let’s share it with the werld lol

      Got to say, on this sunny day, this cover is dark. But remarkable in that Jason takes this song from the original version and totally infuses it with his own self. Cool.

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