Longing at The Edge. Comfort at….The Edge.

How apropo. At 7:32 am, the only light barely 2 feet front my face. It’s coming from my laptop. A white, empty page beckoning me. Challenging me to write the words that stumbled out of bed, forcing me to walk them into life.

It’s dark in the bedroom. Red curtains drawn, door closed. Quiet. I don’t even know if it snowed overnight. My electronic writing machine, my modern version of blue pen and yellow legal pad is balanced atop my upper thighs, lower stomach. It’s bed slouch. And I’m into it. For as long as I can make it last.

I awakened from a very deep sleep (not all that common for this Girlie) a little before 5. Surely, the Sandman miscalculated. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he did it intentionally. Anyone else suffer a forced OD from the keeper of the night? lol

I’d been dreaming and I struggled my body awake. Rolling the covers back and me on my side, I felt it. Felt the manifestation of today’s post title.

Tell me, who’s all into dreams and their “meanings”? Who figures out their own dreams? Who has friends always asking, “hey, I had this weird dream last night, tell me what you think it means.” I’ve enjoyed being “dream analyst” to the people in my life. It’s often an innocent way to help another “see” a different angle. On life, relationships….armchair anyone?

The longer I try and set this up, the farther the essence of my dream. Less the word formations that were at the ready immediately upon my waking. So intent was I this morning that I wrote this without benefit of caffeine. That, my friends should illicit a chorus of “wows”. I don’t do anything without first ingesting coffee. What I affectionately call the go-go juice.

LongingandComfort. Combined, they were. In my dream. Representation. Symbolism. Challenge. The typical main characters. Not all dreams are heavy duty, dramatic and meaningful. Not all dreams are silly cottoncandy fluff either. Sometimes dreams encapsulate simple messages in the familiar. You know what they say don’t you about big things coming in small packages?

Let me try to set up the dream snippet “cuz you know how dreams can be – a jumbalaya of events, people and places. Characters: me (as me), Man as himself, house (total representation) and dog (only one).

DreamScene: looking out a patio type door and seeing a black dog lying on his side. I get Man’s attention – come look. We cast our gaze upon a black dog sleeping peacefully on the side of the house. And we smile.

I realize now that there aren’t any words or word formations that can adequately convey what I felt waking from my dream. No way to describe the sense of longing for a life I once had. Not literally the life. You can’t ever go back….it was what was represented in that life. Of that life.

When life crashes and you get to walk away? Don’t focus on the crash. Focus on the fact you got to walk away. Not everyone does. Not everyone can. There are people all around us in our day to day lives crashing in some form or another. We may not be privy to every detail but then, we don’t need to know every detail. We can still be of value.

Listen. Have patience. Do when another can’t. Be mindful that small gestures in your life may be monumental in someone else’s.1  

There’s an event coming up soon, February 20, 2015. Mabye you’ve been hearing the buzz roar. It’s called #1000Speak, the 1000 Voices for Compassion. Check it out here or why not ask Lizzi. Follow the sign….

Lizzi Rogers1. This, as footnote, is in no way meant to diminish the place the Ten Things of Thankful Blog Hop occupies in my world.  1) You. Yeah, as corny as it sounds, it’s you. Let me echo Lizzi’s sentiments today by saying everyone who reads my words, whether you comment or not are real. You have an impact on me, my life. And it thrills me to no end. 2) Achieving a less indulgent disposition. No, I take that back. It’s more being able to stop myself easier, quicker, in indulging in the bad stuff, the dark stuff. The failures, misgivings and fuckups in life. And with that comes 3) Seeing (most of the time) that life is chock full of fun and success and accomplishment and enjoyment. I simply have to reach for it. 4) Naturally, I use the Wakefield Doctrine as the tool by which to do this. No, the Doctrine isn’t magic. That’s up to me:) but it gives me something more people should have. A glimpse into the personal reality of those around me/us. 5) A posse. Yup, I got me a lunchtime walking posse. Strength in numbers. Strength not only in physical terms but socially. Humans by nature are social. As a clark, I need to remember this lol. 6) Weight. Surpassed 110lbs. 7) Finally getting the address of our new office location! 8) Because of 7, a more localized area to search for housing. 9) Stumbling upon the Annoying Orange. Weirds me out, but makes me laugh:) 10) Another day.

 

 

 

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31 thoughts on “Longing at The Edge. Comfort at….The Edge.

  1. Hey… ive been feeling somewhat self indigent of my moodiness of late. This helped a lot. See you were right about beingable to effect things! Hahaha! I KNOW RIGHT?! Man I do hate that orange. Just sayin.

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    1. It’s impossible to totally eliminate it from our lives but I believe we can get better at choosing when, in what and how much to indulge. I’m glad it helped. Psst…can I call you “Zoe” over here? lol
      Freakin’ annoying! LOL

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  2. Funny…we also have red curtains which I left drawn way too long this morning. I knew it had snowed because I saw it before I went to sleep, but I had no idea how much until I finally stumbled back to life much later than I planned today. Kidzilla and Hub let me sleep in while they bopped around the house together. Aaahhhh. Me and three cats, sleeping on the bed.
    This is my favorite take-way from here today…”Listen. Have patience. Do when another can’t. Be mindful that small gestures in your life may be monumental in someone else’s.”

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    1. I hope the accumulation was less than forecasted! I began the commute back last night in snow and ended in rain. No snow for us thank goodness! Except maybe we will this Monday:(
      What a treat! And how nice for K & H to let you slumber with 3 built in body warmers to boot!:)
      I’m a big believer in the power of simple things, Lisa. I’m glad you were able to have something to take away from today’s post:)

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  3. valj2750

    Dreams. Sometimes they are a puzzle, but its interesting to try to figure out what they mean. I give you big kudos to be able to do ANYTHING without coffee.

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  4. Kristi

    Your dream sounds more significant and meaningful than the one I had this week. Dreams are elusive creatures, though, aren’t they?

    Small gestures really can be monumental in the life of another.

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    1. Yes, it was. It’s been awhile since I’ve had any “significant” dreams. It was laden with unspoken, unrealized emotion. I had no trouble in understanding what it meant. What I hadn’t counted on was how it later affected me while talking with someone about it. I hadn’t figured in getting all emotional. Typically, dreams are the catharsis. Today, speaking of the dream led to catharsis. If that makes any sense.

      Yes, yes they can.

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  5. I don’t remember my dreams very often. They do seem to just float away upon waking. The ones I do remember are either wickedly bizarre, scary as hell, or infuriating.
    Daggum, you have practically written my post for 1000 speak! I started out with “Everyone has a story.”
    Small gestures are very powerful to the person receiving them. Life-changing sometimes.

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    1. I feel lucky that most dreams I can remember pretty vividly. They don’t always make sense but then, neither do I!
      The first 2 I can definately relate to. “Infuriating”?! I’ve never heard anyone describe a dream such! What does that mean? What happens in that sort of dream?
      But isn’t that the point? Everyone does have a story and there is absolutely nothing redundant about 1000 or 10,000 reminders of that. It’s what’s so cool about this thing. A singular topic wriiten about by a multitude of individuals.
      Stay your course Christine. Begin your post with those words. I know it will be heartfelt and powerful:)

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      1. Christine

        Don’t worry. I wasn’t going to change it. It was more of a “hey, we’re thinking along the same lines!” 🙂
        The infuriating posts are the ones that I catch Bryan cheating on me. I vividly remember one in which he had women hanging all over him, and when I yelled and cried, he couldn’t see why I was so upset. I actually woke up furious with him and had a hard time shaking the feeling.

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  6. I was trying to sign up for a thing which I THINK had a military ‘feel’ to it. I was out, there were woods, and a baby bird, which other people were yelling at me not to touch, but I just wanted to LOOK (no, I kid myself, I wanted to hold it and love it and protect it, even if that wouldn’t have been the best thing for it)…and there was some kind of mission – I’d signed on the dotted line and didn’t really know what we were doing, but there was a half-assed package tour and some caves of wonderful which I really REALLY wanted to see, but by the time the tour guides got us there, there was no time left and we had to go. Then we were in a house, all shut in different rooms and I was going to have to sleep in a cupboard because it was too dangerous (or not allowed) to use the bed. So I went to try to buy a new onesie, and they were Sesame Street characters, and I REALLY wanted the Cookie Monster one, but it was so expensive, and the others were cheaper but not as nice, and I was having a dilemma because I can’t spend THAT MUCH on myself, can I? And then I’d have to try to get it back on my bike, and anyway I was late for work and all the time that I stood in the shop deliberating was making me later and later, and I still didn’t have a onesie and by this time I was starting to attract attention as I walked around the same stand of merchandise time and time again without buying anything, but how could I justify it…?

    Strikes me I’ve not taken my meds for a coupla days. Which I wouldn’t have thought would make such a difference, but perhaps I need the ‘dampening’. I shall take them today.

    110 is amazing (for you, well done) and I shall refrain from any more on that, lest I become incredibly boring.

    The longing…and the waking from it…hurts.

    Yes you walked away and yes, there are all of those Ten, but nostalgia happens for a reason and I think for clarks might be all the more powerful because that sense of belonging and everything being RIGHT don’t happen so often…you have me yearning for the bright, sunshine grass and carefree games of my childhood garden, where flowers grew in borders and I knew both my parents loved me to the point where the thought to acknowledge that fact didn’t even enter my consideration. Ever. It just WAS – it surrounded me and made my world shinybright, and the daffodils nodded their heads and trumpetted springtime to an uncomplicated world.

    And here we are, you with your drawn, red curtains and your low glow, and I, wrapped in blankets with nearly a week’s worth of ‘@laptop, alone’ on a chart I’m keeping up with…and the echoes of those crashes carry on.

    Damn you’re good.

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  7. I love how you captured the imagery of your surroundings in this post. Absolutely beautiful….in a non-creepy way, I felt like I was in the room with you…nope that sounded creepy. Sorry.
    I take medications to make me sleep so I’ve given up on decoding my dreams. I know that they’re mostly chemically induced, at least I hope so because some of them are quite…ummm….interesting…
    Confession: I don’t understand the Doctrine! I don’t get it!

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    1. Thank you Kimberly! It is one of the more challenging aspects of writing. To be able to “create” an atmosphere for someone else.
      I’ll tell you what, wacky dreams are not just from meds! I’ve had some crazy ones that I couldn’t even begin to describe lol.
      It’s one of those things that once you do get it, you get it! Have you read the pages on each of the worldviews? That’s a start. The rest comes in time. If you like to people watch and pay attention to how they relate themselves to the world, it will evenutally start to click:)

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  8. I have red curtains too….and like you, I find them mystifying sometimes, Denise. I like what you said at the end that our small gestures affect people in profound ways. That happens, positively or negatively, though we might not see it!

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    1. Something about the color red…
      Thanks Michelle. You are so right. It does happen both in the positive and negative and often we don’t get to see it.
      A lot of folks take for granted the impact they might have on another. A call for mindfullness, no?:)

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  9. Oh a lunchtime walking posse.

    In our old house I painted the bedroom walls Opera House red…so many people asked me how could we sleep in such a bold colored room. It was soothing to me.

    I really hate when dreams do that. They seem so fresh and vivid and you think I must get this down and analyze it and its like just thinking that pops the clarity of the dream and its gone.Bastards

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    1. Yup. Walking is more deliberate when in a group:) We all walk at a pretty good clip. When I’m by myself I tend to walk slower.
      Curtains aren’t bad. I don’t know if I could sleep in a red room. If it was soothing to you that’s what counts!

      Right?! Sometimes I’m so convinced I can write them down but then… Nothing. Bastards indeed lol

      Liked by 1 person

  10. dyannedillon

    “Don’t focus on the crash. Focus on the fact you got to walk away.” That’s just one example of why I love to read the words you write.

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  11. I’ve been dreaming quite a bit for the past several weeks. I do believe that dreams sometimes are trying to tell us something – and that other times they are just nonsense or entertainment. I have certain dreams that I know exactly what they are trying to tell me (“You’re too stressed, your life feels out of control, you need to pay attention!” And others, I have no idea.

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