Edge-stically Speaking, Today was a Washout. Or Not

3:58 pm. Imaginary stop watch set. Let’s see how fast I can get this written and published.

‘K. Alarm went off this morning at usual 4:15 am. 4:30 – I’m out of bed. Dare I look outside? Did we get a ton of snow? Decided, I’d stick to the schedule. Out to the kitchen, coffee machine set, hit go.

For a few minutes, I floated upon a wave of stoical responsibility. clarklike female that I am, I considered pretended I might be going in to work today. I called the office manager who told me she was not going in, nor were 2 other people and possibly the managing attorney. Hm. Made sense. It took me 2 hours to get home from work last night. The end of that commute? Let’s just say there were a couple of hairy moments involving a few very steep, 3 lanes each way, hills. Who needs to see the lane markers when you’re sliding on a highway? LOL

Alright. So what seems to be my problem? Why so opposed to a day off? What is this saying about me? Why did I feel a little guilty calling in this morning to say I may or may not be coming in to work? I think I’d better re-examin ’em. Which is to say, look at how responsibility manifests in the world of a clark. Yeah, I’m thinkin’ it’s fucked up.

Positives? Sure. Plenty. It turned out to be a sunny day. Cold but sunny. I got a good dose of exercise in the wee hours. I shoveled for about 1 1/2 hours. Hint: if you don’t have to park on the street don’t! Trucks plow. Cars get buried…..and I kept thinking – I don’t live in the Northeast. Thank goodness!

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29 thoughts on “Edge-stically Speaking, Today was a Washout. Or Not

  1. I have some snow thoughts, too. Trying to figure out why I care if there’s a snow day when I no longer have to show up in a classroom and teach? I guess because I don’t want my family to go out in the bad weather. I’d rather have them home and off the roads with me. And yet…in my space that is usually empty and silent all day? Not so much. 😀 Yet somehow I’m sad that I know they’ll be gone tomorrow…or will they? More. Snow.

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    1. Makes pefect sense. If there’s a snow day for one, should be snow day for all! Tough one – about silent space, which is to say creative space. As soon as there is someone else, it all changes. No more self contained creative bubble! A conflict for sure:)
      Really? More snow? Thankfully, they tell us just a snow shower tomorrow. Better be!

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  2. I always feel guilty on snow days even when the office closes. Somehow I still feel responsible for all the people who I cant fit in elsewhere. Sigh. I wouldn’t trade being a Clark though. Just gotta give up unreasonable guilt….should be easy enough right? Lol.

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    1. Sunday?? Eegads woman! Sick days. Tell me about it! Only a clark would go into work no matter HOW sick! Messed up lot aren’t we LOL

      Look at you – “driven”. That’s one way to put it:)

      P.S. Begs the question. “Driven” by what?

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        1. It’s for sure being thought of as “less than”, not as competent. In another way, on a weird level, it’s about deserving. As in not deserving to “take the day off” no matter the circumstance.
          clarks set incredible standards for themselves, based on this notion of being “less than” (by virtue of not being a “part of”.) This ties in to the innate self-esteem issue we all have, and struggle with.

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        2. It never ceases to amaze me (and not in a good way) how I get sucked in every time! No amount of “practice” to date has allowed me to circumvent my natural reaction as a clark. Having said that, there are times when I’ve got a scottian edge on and “less than” disappears. Less so, feeling all rogerian and not noticing that um, yeah, I’m not a roger. LOL

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        3. Hehehe yes – very occasionally I get to brazen it out. But not usually. Usually I just spend the day feeling haunted and on edge. Ah well. We are what we are what we are, but at least we KNOW it.

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        4. Yet the concept of feeling “needed” circles back to “less than”.
          Yesterday, I wasn’t feeling uneeded, I was feeling that if I didn’t go in I wasn’t as good as, or good enough or something. I self imposed a quality to my self that neither scotts nor rogers would ever consider.
          I agree with you that clarks, no matter the level of “shyness” or “modesty”, will not tolerate being overlooked. We have a surety of self at times that supercedes the typical self-consciousness that predominates.

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        5. Maybe it’s my actual job? It is definitely about guilt and missing a day, but the thought that people can survive without me for a whole week… Believe me I’m not that arrogant but some place in there I’m sure that little thought lives!

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        6. Oh I just assume I stop mattering to people the moment I leave the door 🙂 They’re nice to me but I don’t feel like I have a lot of impact. I’ve had a couple of moments though, in life, when I’ve been really surprised and touched to have mattered to someone unexpectedly, in my absence. That’s been rather lovely.

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  3. Ack! You clarks. Simply enjoy the gift that was given I say!
    Bryan is like a caged animal when we get a bunch of snow dumped on us. He can’t stand not going to work. He has spent hours shoveling our 1/4 mile drive in order to get out and get to work. Makes no sense to me whatsoever.

    🙂

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    1. LOL You are right Christine. I realized this later. But! I truly enjoyed the quiet hush of the post storm early morning. It was peaceful shoveling the snow. I would venture a guess that Bryan enjoyed shoveling at least a portion of that 1/4 mile:)

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      1. I, too, get much satisfaction from shoveling. Snow has such a wonderful quality of quieting everything down and being pretty while doing so. Having said that, I’m still thrilled that I don’t live in the Northeast. We have lucked out majorly this winter. An hour to the north of us has had quite a bit of snow. Just yesterday, an hour south of us got dumped on. We have gotten about 4 inches total for the winter.

        I am now knocking on wood with all four appendages. 🙂

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