Hey! Speaking of severance packages – I was driving the commute last Thursday afternoon ’round about 4:40 p.m. Sky alight, the few cumulonimbus above showing impressionist dab spatters of grey, I got to thinking. (Of course I did! I’m a clark and I’m driving.) If I’m not singing and seat dancing I must be wandering the old cranial landscape.
I was thinking about something I did a long time ago. Something out of character for me. Something I regretted doing. Haven’t you done something out of sheer hurt and anger? “Lashing out” as defined in Wakefield Doctrine terms is relegated to the personal reality of rogers. I suppose what I did came close, but I can’t be sure. Besides, I’m a clark and rogerian lashing out simply doesn’t exist in my world.
Why this popped into my head today I don’t know. Well, maybe I do. Excuse me a second would you?… Hey! Christine! No, this isn’t….yes, I know I accepted the double dog dare…I told you I can do it…yes, yes it’s coming…really….
Where was I? Yeah, yeah…The thing about clarks? Unlike the propaganda, we are not devoid of emotion. We simply process/express it as the Outsiders that we are. It manifests differently for us. Don’t be fooled! We of the intellect/mind first, can cry buckets with the best of rogers under the right circumstances. I now know that the “awful” thing I did 20 something years ago represented something different to the roger on the receiving end than it did for me. Except 20 something years ago, I wasn’t conscious of that very important piece of information.
Driving a companion highway in my head, I was feeling as if I needed to apologize for sending the Box. Then I asked myself: why did I think it would it make me feel better if I could tell this person I was sorry? Given the circumstances and the relationship, surely, it was within the acceptable boundary of potential reactions.
Then I asked myself: do I really want to look under that bed? Am I prepared for what’s been shoved under there? A catch fucking 22 for clarks, especially those of us who are making a conscious effort to evolve. How do we face the awful parts of ourselves, the seemingly abberrant aspects, and believe there’s any hope whatsoever of enjoying a truly happy and fulfilling life?
[Honest Christine! Didn’t plan on this post coming out. I’m gonna trying hanging with Lila more. She’s one of your people. LOL]
What do you really think? Can I turn this into a TToT? Me too! Hit it baby –
TToT1. I’m grateful I was able to privately thank the man who was an integral part of my timeline jump of 2013 before he left the building Wednesday. For good.
TToT2. Another day. No, I never tire of reminding myself that each day I wake up is another opportunity. Anything can happen. And by that, I mean anything good!
TToT3. In conjunction with #2, I give thanks for the awareness that no matter how bad a situation, it can, and very often does, get worse. I suffer no illusion that “things can only get better”. Who invented that one?
TToT4. Faith. See #3.
TToT5. Get this. I swear this is true and I only wish I’d seen the entire directional shift. Wednesday, I left work at 3:30. I was happily surprised to drive at relativly normal speeds with barely a slowdow out of Maryland and into Virginia. Until that is, I hit Tysons Corner. Electronic highway signs indicated an accident several miles up the road, coincidentally, at the exit I get off at. Yay. As I slowed down, my eyes wandered up and off to the left. There, silently, gracefully was a small flying V of geese headed in my direction. Flying west almost directly overhead. Barely 3 tenths of a mile up the highway I catch something out of the corner of my eye, only this time from the right. There! I watch in total amazement a flying V of geese…headed east! Same group of geese? Did they cross the Beltway and realize they’d taken a wrong turn? Awesome.
TToT6. No rain in a week. Sunshine every day.
TToT7. Practicing doing the scary things, the uncomfortable things. The things that take me out of my comfort zone.
TToT8. Not being forgotten. Or would that be – still being included? 🙂
TToT9. Having at least one person to remind me to HTFU.
TT0T. the Cat. (holy fucking shit. right after I typed “the Cat” I heard geese flying overhead the house. 8:49 am. enough said. this post is done.)
“So put me on a highway
And show me a sign
And take it to the limit one more time”