Renewal. It’s a 6.

raising my hands to the shower head in thanks, I stood for my absolution

like a penitent at Sunday mass, I welcomed the warmth of cleansing

temporary as it was, it was sacred, this time, water, all healer, now and forever more

pressure, under the right circumstances, is motivational if not productive

however temporal, I knew this moment must end; I was prepared for re-entry

hey, hon – whether by design or pure luck, the new shower head you bought is absolute magic!

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Hitchin’ a Ride to TToTville

What does Julie Andrews and Vanity Fare have in common? Eggs-actly. In my head only. You surprised? lol At least those of you who know me and are familiar with the Wakefield Doctrine?¬†Go look up “clark” over to the Doctrine. Don’t know that it’s in the urban dictionary yet but it might be. Let me know will ya?

So here’s my deal. (hold up a sec while I mute the keys here…can’t have lapbaby hearing what I got to say….there….done) As I was saying, I ordered and received a new lap top yesterday. Finally, after thinking way too much about it for way too long, I committed. And, if you’d seen me last night, perhaps I should have been (committed) ūüėÄ (Yo, Clark! The tonal was raising hell!)

See, I’ve not been my usual self in that I’ve not kept abreast of technological advances in oh, say, the last 10 years! Not my normal mo for sure but it became my normal mo. It became my routine and therefore gobbled up by the tonal. Try making inroads with that going on my friend. Sheesh. (“tonal”? concept referenced in Carlos Castenada’s first few books about Don Juan). And so I realized that at a certain age in life you either accept that you are a certain age and therefore excuse or otherwise give in to not doing certain things, or engaging in any number of activities. S’all relates to time, no? I suppose I should have studied Einstein’s theories? Would that help me this morning? mmm… Thinking not ūüôā

I’m beginning to ramble now and that, my friends is a sure sign to reign it in and get to the point of all these words. It’s Saturday. That means, for me, get a Ten Things of Thankful post up and shared and start reading the other TToT posts offered in friendship and support and general all around let’s all have fun this weekendness. Thanks to Joes Two Shoes we can be linked pretty easily to each other and share each other’s thoughts and goings on for the week or so past. (Josie! I will write you for code so I can put everyone on my post too!)

Ready people? Let’s do this!!!

1¬† ¬†I’m thankful for Zoe over at Uncharted for hosting the Six Sentence Story bloghop for lo these…how many years?? Do I want to know? lol

2   For waking up this morning.

3   Not only for waking up, but waking up to sunshine and significantly calmer winds. The DC Metro area was kinda a mess yesterday as was many other regions. Watch out Northeast today!

4   That we had power yesterday at work. (naah, would rather have gone home!).

5¬† ¬†Hypo-grat right here, numero 5:¬† last night, while working a little ot (along with about 6 othere people) we had 2 power surges. Guess whose computer fried? Yuppers. So, in a way, if I don’t go into work this weekend for lack of a computer, it won’t be the end of the world because….drumroll please….

6   New laptop.

7   Future thankful:  that I complete the set up of said new laptop, today.

8   the Wakefield Doctrine.

9¬† ¬†the ease with which this post was written today. (could it be the extra caffeine?? 3 mugs ‘o the juice and we good to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ūüėÄ

10 Jesus Jones for titling a song “Right here, Right Now” because sometimes the little ear/mind worms that won’t leave us alone can push us along, lead us to living in the right here, right now. In the present. And practically speaking, is there any other place you’d rather be? (no, really guys, think about it. the possibility is in the now, not the then, not the maybe could be. reach out, eyes closed. surprise your self)

That’s Exactly What I’m Talkin’ About! In 6 Sentences!

Have I mentioned¬† what? can’t you see I’m working here….what? I haven’t? er, excuse me…ahem…¬†Hello and welcome to GirlieOnTheEdge. Today’s offering is a 6 Sentence Thursday Story.

It’s Thursday evening, 9:15 pm Friday¬†and I’ve pulled out my 8×5 yellow legal pad, the baby one ‘cuz I couldn’t get to the big one. (damn! the Lady will live forever!) I was so very tired yesterday/this morning, didn’t get up until 5/4:30. I hadn’t anything in mind for a 6 sentence until right before I had to leave for work. In all honesty, I was sort of making self suggestions based on my mood.¬†Then I grabbed a pen and the aforementioned pad…

T marked the spot, goading, taunting me until I finally gave in and I knew my insides had started to congeal like jello that’s lost it’s bounce, lost it’s cold, just out of the fridge, jiggle. No, no smiles today kids.

T stood tall, mocking me ever louder, its keening now an ear worm rudely, roughly invading the vacuous space within my head and I knew, knew without a doubt, I was in trouble. So insidious this worm, this harbinger of whine, it often goes undetected… by those unaware.

T stands for Tonal and I realized this assault was a particularly bad one. 

Where, where did I leave my broom?!

Happy Friday people! Remember, it’s your choice.


Don’t Simply Walk the Edge of Compassion. Walk Over and Into It!

Compassion. What is it? How does it manifest? Of what value is compassion?

According to this website: “Compassion literally means ‚Äúto suffer together.‚ÄĚ Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another‚Äôs suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.”

Old time Merriam Webster’s definition of compassion is: “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it”

We get it. Compassion is about feeling. Feeling strongly enough to act. Let’s face it, we and the majority of folks in our day to day life are busy with, well….our day to day lives! Not saying this is a bad thing. It’s just that sometimes the “busy” in our lives blinds us. And before we know it an automatic reply starts forming: “I’m sorry, I can’t, I’m too busy today. Maybe tomorrow?”

As you can probably guess, I’m talking about the smaller acts of compassion. Don’t get me wrong! I’m not implying compassion can be rated or graded. ¬†As a person who believes in the “little things”, I believe that a singular, small gesture has the potential to impact a person on a huge scale. We don’t always recognize this. Especially, when we get “busy”.

My hope today is that the small gesture of over #1000 Voices posting about Compassion today might have a HUGE, cumulative effect. I’m imagining this act as gently shaking a vast community of folks across the globe into awareness. That it will remind us all to stop each day. Turn “busy” to off and look up, around, beside from where each of us stands. To make the effort, to take the time to breathe in awareness. The awarenes of what’s going on around us.

“Say what?! I do that.” Yeah, sure you do. Easy to turn on the TV and be “aware” of global conditions. Sure. Nothing wrong with that. Today, I’m talking about awareness of the seemingly little things right in front of our noses. Everyday. There is always opportunity for compassion. But let’s face it. We’re not always present.¬†Life. Gets. Busy. With. Stuff. To do.

Why not begin with the smaller, little things? Open a door for an elderly person, speak to them kindly. Hell, speak to everyone kindly. Listen, actually listen to a child when they seem to want to talk about something difficult. Be aware, be present. Let’s think outside of our own selves. Try and imagine what it feels when/to: (so many examples!) and then imagine our own self and what we would want at that moment of vulnerability or inconvenience or trouble or desperation or lonliness.

Every small act, every little thing we do that is self less, that helps another in ways we may never know, has the potential to snowball into a massive, rippling wave of goodness. Yes, good and wonderful things very often come in small packages.

So what do you say? Let’s all become a little bit more aware of our selves and others. Let’s make the time, take the time and remember to act without reservation. It has the power to change lives.


Identification. Life’s Bondo

Had the title last week and not the words. Opened the draft last night but didn’t have the words. Thought about it this morning and yeah…no. Didn’t have the words. We all know what it is, identification. It is the thing that fosters empathy, feeds understanding. It is the thing that permits us moments of self-indulgence. And not always in the “bad” things. It is a door.

At least my version of it. Psychologists of the varying schools of crazy/not crazy may differ. I don’t care. I know it when I feel it. Because it is first, a feeling thing. Then an intellectual thing. Body reacts, brain trys to translate. Still. I have no words….

It’s Sunday. Last day to post a Ten Things of Thankful. I had every intention of putting up a post. Then I wasn’t. A lot of things were going to happen this weekend. And then they didn’t. Right now, at 11:35 am, post “morning walk”, all I want to do is close the door to the world and lay on the bed. If I sleep, great. If not, do I care? No. It’s about stopping the world.

No. Not like in Carlos Castaneda’s Journey to Ixtlan. But in the more mundane simple retreat from the world at large. That’s what I initially felt and then I re-counted my walk this morning and a non-descript event. We always have that – the choice to interpret events and interactions any way we please. To suit/indulge our moods.

I haven’t been walking much because, well, it’s practically winter. But I have to. So this weekend I decided I would. 10:00 am was a little late to begin but what the heck. I was going. That’s what counts. My “schedule” of gift buying, visiting niece and family, washing the car, wrapping presents…yeah. That schedule is totally out the window and splattered on the pavement.

This morning there was no sun. Clouds and in the 30’s. Fresh, cold air. It’s all good.¬†I dressed in layers – black leggings under black jeans, 2 shirts – a black “muscle” t-shirt under a black turtleneck. No, no Johnny Cash, walkin’ the line theme goin’ on with me. I broke it up with a pullover knit sweater in royal purple. But damn if the beret isn’t black.

2 laps around the complex for a total of 3 miles will suit me fine. As I’m winding up the 1st lap, I look to my left (holy shit. no, not over my left shoulder) There, lying comfortably curled up in front of a bush is a grey cat. Eyes closed, he does not budge. It was rather an odd scene. The bush was part of the landscaping that bordered the steps leading up to this particular building. In my mind, I’d think a cat would prefer to be on the other side, the “safe” side. Not facing the sidewalk and parking lot.

As I approach the final segment of lap 2, I see ahead of me the same grey cat. Risen from his nap, I notice he’s closer to the sidewalk yet still on the grass. Just sitting there. Staring at me, watching me as I approach. As soon as I’m parallel to him, he steps off the grass and begins to walk with me. Oh…k.

At first the cat walked on one side of me. I’m talking right there, inches from my leg. Then he switched to the other side. Then he began to walk in front of me in a windy, back and forth fashion. I stopped a couple of times thinking, “I’m walking towards the highway now. He’d better stop ‘cuz I don’t want to be responsible for him getting squished by a car!”¬†

When I stopped he began¬†rubbing his head against my leg. Collarless, plump, I couldn’t decide if he lived there in the apartment complex or was a stray. My main concern was that he not follow me to the busy road ahead. We walked together about 60 ft when he stopped. As I continued, now without feline accompaniment, the sun pierced through the clouds.

Today, I’m thankful for that event. In spite of the escapist mood I’m fighting this very moment, it tells me that the path is there. And it will be lit. I need but find it, walk it. I’m thankful to my own damn self for reminding myself that each day, is the only day.

Lizzi’s BlogHop. It’s a good thing.



Yeah? What Of It Buddy. WTF Of It?!

clarks. We’re such fucked up people. To top it all off, like the proverbial cherry on top, we spend most of our (young) adulthood trying to “figure” ways to deal with all the shit that fucks us up. clarks know what ¬†I’m talkin’ about. We’re looking for the answers, for the way to cope, sometimes on a daily basis…in our heads. “Cuz that’s where it all happens. That is the place of origin, ground zero. The “haid” (thanks be to the Lady for correct pronounciation lol)

The insistence that I can think my way out of a bad mood, a sad mood, out of hopelessness and defeat, darkness and despair. That is a clark thing. It is just this internal dialogue that so fucks us up. The thinking! We all know this to be true. clarks think, scotts act and rogers feel. ¬†The saying isn’t¬†“she/he jumped in head first”. The saying is “she/he jumped in¬†feet first”. Ostensibly to avoid injury. So what the hell does that mean? ¬†For/to us? What does it represent?

You know those things floating around the internet: “who did you get?”, what color/character/author are you?list your favorite (fill in the blank), list your most influential/favorite books?” I’ve never participated. This last one? About books? I’m going to use that as my first thankful. “Cuz up there in paragraph 2, 7th line, I mentioned internal dialogue. Which never doesn’t bring to mind Carlos Castaneda and his book series that begins with¬†The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge.

TF No. 2¬†A¬†Separate Reality (book 2 in the series). We clarks know all about that, don’t we:) Our reality, that of the Outsider, is a real reality. We relate ourselves to the world as outsiders. We are here, the world is…out there. My “job”, my self challenge, has been to better my self, my quality of life, by learning to relate myself to the world as a scott, as a roger. At will. ¬†A huge undertaking. Since I have a secondary scottian aspect, the “at will” business is a little easier. Relating to the world¬†as a roger has always been more difficult. The currency of rogers is emotion. A non rational thing. This is in direct opposition to what we clarks trade in – the intellect. We be rational – “gotta be a reason for everything and I’ll figure it out if it kills me by golly“. I’m happy to report that in the last 2 years I’ve made some inroads into understanding and relating to them rogers. Which…has helped to alleviate a lot of questions that used to perplex me. And that one my friends, insists on being TF No.3. (damn, I’m all over the place, tense wise. Note to self: learn how to write!!!)

TF No. 4¬†Journey to Ixtlan¬†(book 3 in the series). It’s been way too long but memory tells me this book is really getting into the “good stuff”. Which is why maybe I’ve been so s-l-o-w to start re-reading all the books?! Seems I’ve been putting it off, why??

TF No. 5 Tales of Power, 4th book in the series. I need a refresher for sure.

TF No. 6 The Second Ring of Power, the 5th and final in the series as written by Carlos. Imo.  Yes, I own the next 4 books in the series but no one can convince me that Carlos wrote them.   

TF No. 7 For thinking I haven’t already lost that last sandwich(what is that ditty about being short a sandwich and picnics and isn’t there a basket involved?!). I mean, maybe I’ve already succombed to the pressure. Word to scotts and rogers: you have no idea the types/kinds of pressure we clarks put upon ourselves. It’s not just the pressure we perceive is there, it’s the pressure we simply put upon ourselves to be…better, to fit in better, to be a part of – better. The pressure to: not fail, to excel, to somehow prove that we are living up to our potential, that we “have what everyone else has”. To not be so on the “outside” of it all.

TF No.8 Now here’s a different one. For all the poetry proliferating on the net recently, here’s a couple of my favorite blog places to find it. Here – check these out. FYI guys, I haven’t been leaving comments ‘cuz sometimes I’m speechless when it comes to voicing my reaction to words grouped and labeled “poetry”:) Lets see, where’d I put those links….Zoe , Z’s poetry (and Lizzie’s too) can be found here¬†. Laura. She has recently presented this site, The Reverie.

Where are we now? At the point that I go “amnesciac”. ¬†On those items that I’ve been thankful for all during the week…Now this is a good one. TF No.9¬† That a co-worker, my office manager asked if she could join me on my lunchtime walks. Of course I said “yes!”. The first time she came along I was unprepared (didn’t know I’d have company). I hadn’t brought my sneakers that day and figured my walk would just have to be a little slower. Guess what? My walking partner turned out to be a “serious” walker. Man, we hit it right away at a pretty darn good clip. Needless to say backless shoes are not overly conducive to power walking. But I kept up. I’m very glad to have had the company.

How to round out the TF No. 10 spot? I know! Having a little time off from the story at The Secessionist Rag. It is after all Roger’s “turn”. Having said that, I now need him to HTFU and write Chapter 28.

“Yes, Virginia. 6 Did turn out to be 9…”

…and there are allies* at the Edge. I feel a need to write a followup to my post for yesterday’s TToT. Revelations, inspirations, confirmations, affirmations. I feel a need to acknowledge all of those “tions” on the big screen. I have Clark of the Wakefield Doctrine fame to thank for that realization.(“geez, Clark. Thanks a lot *sarcasm dripping outta my mouth*) Got to give credit where credit is due, right? LOL . Hey, it’ still the weekend. Make that Thankful #1.

So last night I called in to the Saturday Night Wakefield Doctrine Drive Call In. I don’t think I’ve missed a call in show in all the years it’s been in existence. (Yo! TToT #2) ¬†Conversation began in typical fashion with the exchange of “pleasantries”. It soon came around to blogs and writing. Clark mentioned he’d left a comment at my post. “Yes, I saw. Thank you.” was my response. He then asked if I realized I had messed up on my numbering at the end.

“What? Damn! Really? Fuck! Had no idea! I remembered going over it carefully. In fact, I remembered a little edit at the end where, at that time, at least I thought, I made sure the numbers ran sequentially 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Wasn’t I being all clever today I thought. How to get away without listing a full 10 Things of Thankful… I can skip at least 4 of them by jumping straight away to #10 by employing the “if 6 was 9” rule. Not to be confused with SR 95.05 whereupon it states, and I quote: “any TToT Post wherein a genuine desire has been established for the listing of 10 items can be amended such that the 10th item is arrived at by sincere and thought out means.” This my friends is most certainly TToT #3, #4, #5, #6, #7 and #8.

Still on the phone, I quickly go to my post. Re-reading it, I realize sure enough, I doubled up on #2 and #3. But wait! Count the numbers again, including the duplicate ones. What do they add up to? Now go and read the last paragraph again:

“if 6 did turn out to be 9 today. And! If I had already written 6 of my 10 thankfuls like everyone is expected to :1) another day I woke up, 2) sunshine and blue sky today, 3) a fully functional body, 2) a job, 3) music, 4) a working car, 5) summer berries, 6) health insurance, then that would leave me with having one thankful left. Therefore, I conclude with thanks for believing and witnessing personal power.”

So there I was thinking myself all clever like. Listing 10 things of thankful without really listing 10 things. But I screwed up. Hey. That’s #8 right there – if I realize I’ve made a mistake, I try to correct it. To make it right. In this case. Look closer. Maybe, just maybe it wasn’t a mistake?! Count from #1, including the “doubled” # 2 and #3. They add up to 8. My very last item makes 9.

No. I did not do any of that on a conscious level. Today’s #’s 9 and #10? The “doing” of a thing without the realization that on some other level you are “doing” something else and then being lucky enough, after the fact, to be able to go back and see and wonder how…..6 did, in fact, turn out to be 9.

*Reference to Carlos Castenada’s books. “An ally will make you see and understand things about which no human being could possibly enlighten you.”