Lessons, Learning, Peeking Around the Edge

Sunday. Morning. Been up for a coupla hours. Morning has always been a treasure left undiscovered. Eagerly anticipated as it was the one part of the day I could completely indulge. The space between each line uncharted territory beckoning to be discovered/revealed.  When did it stop being the most enjoyable part of my day? When did sitting comfortably, pad and pen in hand, (replaced now with white screen and keyboard) cease to be that solitary walk along the deserted beach, scoping tide washed sand for shells and sea glass and driftwood?

Who do I have to thank for sitting me down, right now and asking? Christina Perri? Pinterest for sending me links that might interest me? That Pinterest shared with me GirlieOnTheEdge’s post “Of Metal and Mayhem” from 2 years ago featuring Ms. Perri singing “Jar of Hearts” is no coincidence (actually it is but let’s roll with it). Whatever the cue that illicits emotional content, I believe I owe it to myself to follow the trail. Cueing the song for the 4th time, chorus now indelibly etched into my brain for the day.

Reminders. How important are they? Very, yes? Of course. Without them we might miss that important drs. appointment or job interview or teacher parent meeting. Daily reminders. We all need them. I don’t want to talk about those reminders though. I want to explore the “holyshitIforgotabouttheohyeah,can’tbelieveIforgotIcouldIforget” reminders. Life shit. Get where I’m going? Inside of your head, reflective, self assessing, time to review, pull down the shade, find a comfy chair and…review. Remember. Remember the stuff you told yourself not to forget.

As on most Saturday nights, I call into the Wakefield Doctrine Saturday Night Call in Show. Typically, especially these last couple of years, it’s Clark (your host), myself and more recently and consistenly, Cynthia. Now wait a darn minute! Nuh, huh…it is too very enjoyable and humorfilled and….informative.  When it’s only us clarks, there is much identification going on, many reveals and “aha’s” and in general “no shits!” and yes, it can be a wild time lol. Who says a three way conversation among clarks is boring. It’s not always about the Doctrine ya know. Well, actually how can it not be?

As I suspected, I’ve veered a bit off course. Retrospection, if done properly can be a valuable tool. Recollection without the indulgence of feeling bad, can be a valuable tool. Remembering to remember can be a valuable tool. Thanks to Clark last night, I remembered some things that naturally I’d forgotten. Funny, I made a comment about being in denial (the usual life shit, where am I, what am I, why, why not) and Clark pointed out that when an individual is in a state of denial, they are not consciously aware they’re in denial. Example? If someone sees white, when it is black. They see only white. They do not know it is black because for that person, it is white. So how much of what I see or don’t see has it’s roots embedded in denial? How can I know I’m in a state of denial? Does that imply someone, other than myself, should be telling me how it really is? How’s that for a big ole can of squirming, radioactive worms?! LOL

I’m fairly certain I’ve lost most folks. In fact, I may have even lost the clarks! It’s a rambling, self indulgent kinda day today – it’s a reminder today. To look so that I can see without prejudice, that which is in front of me, surrounding me. What is it I refuse to see? Cannot recognize? When will I know, how can I know those times I’m in denial? Can I rescue my own self? Gee, thank you brother. You’ve always got my back 😀

One of my favorite TV characters, a clark, was all about finding the truth. He insisted the “truth was out there”.  Am I ready for the truth? I know this clip will totally resonate with my people. Here’s to a TToT weekend for yes, this is a TToT post. The thankfuls? They’re out there. Just have to find them.

Just Remember This… It’s a TToT.

‘Morning. I have blown my nose, rid myself of tears. Why? Well, because I listened to the first vid. Since I was an itty bitty Girlie, I’ve felt an “affinity” for all things French. The very first time I sang the French national anthem in grade school, something stirred within me. Something on a molecular level. Past life “memory”? Who knows.

I first watched Casablanca, at my mother’s urging “you have to watch this movie…” When this scene played, when they started to sing, my body reacted. The floodgates of emotion opened and I felt something grip my soul. And so I cry every time I hear La Marseillaise. To this very day.

This is a post for Lizzi’s bloghop. The one that has survived and persisted lo these many years. If you want to get an idea about how long, just go to Clark’s post. To the 4 individuals who wrote the screenplay for one of my favorite movies of all time, Thank You.

All the people involved with that movie – did they think their creative endeavor would survive time? Did they dream that their work would go down in history as one of the best films of all time, that their words would be repeated by generations of people yet to be born? That it would affect millions of people? The longevity of works of art, of the creative mind. Perpetual inspiration, non? Thanks to the internet, there is a dearth of creative work that will go on in perpetuity. Huge thankful. Huge.

I have many thankfuls, always. Each day. The weather so far, cool but not cold,  sun… finally finding jeans that look decent on me. (well, no one has told me otherwise. but would they really? lol) And a huge thankful shoutout to a fellow clark who is blazing her clarklike trail with great success. Thank you Cynthia. She has encouraged me to write, she has always been supportive and I am thankful for her friendship.

To Val. Thank you Val! for creating the FB page, My World at the Moment.  What began as an exercise between two people was shared and the creative process was engaged. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Engaging the world? Participating. Reaching out. Experiencing the world, not reading about it, not thinking about it…To everyone who has helped me to persist in that endeavour, THANK YOU!

The past cannot be altered. We become who we are in spite of it or because of it. It is our choice.

 

Ludwig Van, Stanley and Alex. Thank You 10 times over.

I have 6 minutes to write this TToT. And it’s all thanks to the PinterestPeople sending me suggested music boards. Yes, this segment, from one of the most well known of my favorite composer’s creations, was suggested. I clicked on it and at once started tapping my foot, then the keys here. Except! Except that I can not disassociate myself from Alex. From the movie, Clockwork Orange. I cannot. And I suppose it’s a shame. But I will never not love it.

Some of the other music pins were well targeted. Emmylou, Joan Armatrading, Sara Bareilles, The Kinks. All well enough, but it’s been awhile since getting pins for the “heavier” types of music I enjoy. Can’t claim to understand the Pinterest world so I’ll consider these suggestions as a gift and be thankful nonetheless.

Btw, I’ve exceeded the 6 minutes mentioned in the opening line. But that’s OK. I had considered not writing a TToT. Was contemplating it’s purpose for me lately. There’s seems to be this phenomenon going on lately, well, for rather quite some time. A reverse osmosis of words, writing, living…faucet barely dripping and I find myself wading into the flood again.

I awakened rather late this morning. 9:22 am to be exact. When have I slept that late during my adult lifetime? That’s right, cannot remember. But hey, no pressure here today. I don’t care. Tomorrow is a holiday from work and so I’m not succombing to the TaskMaster that harangues me about the “things to be done before going back to work“.  So the day is mine. This only day.

I’m up to the last 2 thankfuls. Have I saved the best for last? lol. Naah. It’s not about best, better, less, least. It’s simply about participation. About me writing words that make it out of my head. Last night, I was talking to Clark on the Saturday Night Wakefield Doctrine Drive Call in Show (gasp, out of breath with that one) and talking of the ususal and heard myself utter something like “yeah, I admire you and all the writers out there…I know from experience, the more you do of a thing the better you get at it“. What I didn’t say, was that by not doing a thing, you not only lose the advances made, you regress. Bigtime. Because you know, realize, have to acknowledge, that at one time you were moving forward, excelling at something and by ceasing that forward momentum, and thinking about beginning again, you’ve invited the well imagined, but real deterrant known as, you’ll never be able to do it again, you’ll never “re-learn” what you knew.

The last thankful is a weird one maybe. Ok, yes, weird. But only if you’re not a clark! When I finish posting this, I am going out into the world, into a day of screaming sunshine, blue sky and any possibility possible, much like the day in the video posted.  Little did I know that 2 weeks ago I would time travel lol. 2 weeks ago I was intending to write a TToT post and in that post I was going to counsel clarks to go easy on your selfs. To make errors and be “exposed” is not the worst thing in the world (the one “out there” and your own).  You will hear in this video a mistake of major proportions and yet I had every intention of posting it anyway. Except I didn’t then. But I will now. So let me leave you with a video that hasn’t taken place yet (insert winking emoji here because I don’t know how!!)

Go out into the world today. Enjoy it for what it might be, what it can be, what it needs to be. It’s yours…

See? Perfect example. If I would practice shooting/uploading videos, I’d get better at it 😀

Today. Yes, Yes it is a TToT.

Where do I begin? What is the starting point? Where is the starting point. Which one? My head holds a myriad of flash intros each screaming, vying to be headliner. How do/can/will I know which one is the right one for this…this version of reality? Even as I write these words, I doubt the font type currently appearing was the same font as when I opened this post. To borrow from Calderon, is everything but a dream….

Thanks to constant interrupted sleep last night, I awakened this morning at the sound of an incoming text. I’m thankful for that as I dare not think how long I may have slept. Already, the day had been re-arranged, re-ordered for me by my body. By the intermittent leg/foot pretzels that plagued me throughout the overnight. “I am an old woman, named after my mother, my old man is another child that’s grown old”. Even now, I wander the highway of multidimensional reality. Why the hell not 🙂

I will, being sleep deprived (there can be very enjoyable special effects garnered from interrupted sleep), on the verge of getting sick? attempt to put some cohesive tape on this botch job of a post…it all began….last night, as I turned out the light thinking it was going to be a typical, lay in bed, go to sleep, sleep until morning kind of night, I lay, lights out listening to youtube. The last 2 songs I listened to were Don’t Speak and Someone Like You. Neither are new songs. Neither are played on the radio here (Don’t Speak I’ve heard once or twice but not in ages). At least the stations I listen to. Driving to work, I heard both these songs. Back to back. Now you might say, what’s so weird about that? Here’s what’s weird. The brief conversation I’d had with Clark pulling away from the house 20 minutes earlier. It culminated in his statement/observation that my previous (work) timeline was reclaiming it’s self proclaimed, rightful place here on this, my new timeline. What? Whatch you talkin’ bout Willis?? And so, the briefiest discussion of the re-emergence of pattern, habit, routine. Engrained like the groove in one’s favorite record. Impervious to the switch to digital media, habits and routine cannot be erased, cannot be altered sufficiently for them not to resurface to reclaim their rightful position, steering you to those places it would have you be because, after all, we’re all where we would have ourselves be. We are living in our perfect world. (go ahead Clark. I know I could never explain it. The words are not in my brain any longer lol)

This is a jumbletron of words. Like “sitting at my desk at work at 11:45 this morning, I was overcome with an incredibly strong feeling of deja vu.” The kind where you believe you know right at that moment the next thing you had done/will do. And so I thought, is this simply a facet of timeline replication? Is it the “feeling of having done this before” or was it simple resonation of familiarity of habit?

I think perhaps the lines were bleeding one into the other today. Blending, melding, criss crossing. In a way, I hope so. Otherwise, how is it I can ever discover anything “new”? How will I keep routine, habit at bay. How will I keep my body from playing in the worn rut left by the needle that has traversed the same song for 57 years.

TTOTimelines (yes! I’m stealing that from Clark! That clever Doctrine guy who plagues me, lectures me, yet manages to keep me sane). I am participating today. Somewhere. LOL

For the Wakefield Doctrine

For last weekend. Achieving goals, spending time with my favorite small humans. We had a wonderful “nature walk” on Sunday to round out the weekend.

For increasing knowledge, little by little in my new profession.

For only getting ,my face “burned” 3 times by my dermatologist.

For the sense that I will write, will complete Annaliese’s Dream, though it’s barely begun.

For the YouTube.

For my physical stamina. It’s pretty damn good.

For not totally, completely giving up participating in the virtual world. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have read Kristi Campbell’s very fine Finish the Sentence Friday post. Check it out. Her writing. It’s good. Like damn good.

For the BOSR/SBOR. No. Not quoting a rule. Just a general thanks for it’s existence 🙂

For this, another opportunity. For this, both my first and my last day.

Do you know where you are? You sure?

How Big Do I Want My World to Be? A 10 Things

Yo. Valid question. I asked myself this very question while closing out my morning words. “How big do I want my world to be today?” It’s entirely up to me. How will I engage the world? The responsibility lies with me to put myself out there, to make myself available. To possibility.

As a clark, I can be satisfied to remain inside of 4 walls with a book, computer, tv… and not mind not interacting with anyone or anything. And be content. If you’re like me, and have a secondary scottian aspect, this only works for so long (albeit way longer when you start getting older lol) as you actually enjoy going out “into the world”. Sometimes.

I don’t know yet what I’m going to do today. Aside from a couple of typical Saturday activities. My challenge will be to go out and find someone to engage, something to engage me….to go out there, and participate. This begins my participation with the world as literally, folks wa-ay outside my neighborhood may stumble upon and read this, my Ten Things of Thankful post.

Always a first thankful is that I remain (as of right now) with a roof over my head, food to eat, a car to drive and employment to sustain me. With events of nature, war, crime, illness wantonly ravaging everyday life for someone, somewhere, I do not and will not take the basic necessities for granted.

Second. Health. I’ve still got it as far as I know. It’s incumbent upon my own self to promote, pursue and maintain excellence in all catagories of my health. Not an easy undertaking! But I will continue to try and do right my self 😀

Third. That I caught the last 1/2 hour of one of my all time favorite movies, Jet Li’s Fearless. OMG. What a f’ing great movie. If you watch none of it but the last fight scene, then do. Powerful and moving. Brought tears to my eyes. And of course, martial arts 🙂

Fourth. I’m thankful to everyone who stopped by Girlie to read the first 6 Sentence Story I’ve written in…. yeah! that is a long time lol

Fifth. I am so thankful for those who put forth into the world, the wonderous, magical gift that is music. Well, of course I need to qualify this statment 😀 For those who’ve created the music I love and will love 🙂 Life is incomplete without it.

Sixth. I’m thankful for being aware of gestures of kindness. Not only gestures towards myself but the witnessing of gestures towards others.

Seventh. the Wakefield Doctrine.

Eight. I am both grateful and thankful to have traveled to Europe. Not once, but twice in my lifetime. It is a gift that has few words. I now have the ability to transport myself back in time to stand inside the home of William Shakespeare, or walk the beaches surrounding Mont St. Michel, enjoy the outdoor market atmosphere in Kenmare, Ireland or, speaking adequate enough French to a bartender, in the middle of the day, because I was lost on the streets of…Paris. Yup, I’m one lucky, thankful Girlie.

Nine. I will always find a place on the list for – technology! Access to the world with a mouseclick.

10. For waking up again to make another go of it 🙂

Go out today. If only for awhile and never, never forget to….

Taking the Cake and Other “Misnomers”…TToT

There’s been a deficit, a drought in this sector of the universe, at GirlieOnTheEdge. I might be able to give you an approximate time (as in date) when I noticed the seeds of silence germinating, but that doesn’t matter, does it? That’s right, it doesn’t. In fact, me stopping to go back and find out when the writing stopped would be a huge distraction. A distraction that would prevent me from this moment right now, my brain working unfamiliar muscles, struggling to stretch and expand. Is there really any point in poking around the past? What does it accomplish? How often does rummaging around in the oversized trunks of what no longer is, useful to what is happening now? Yeah, yeah. If we don’t understand, acknowledge, recognize our mistakes we’re destined to repeat them, right? Isn’t that what “they”  say? I’m not convinced.

I took a chance one day and ventured outward. What would my life be like today, if I hadn’t overcome my fear (of exposure) and taken a chance? How small my world would have been. It was life altering, hitting the publish button. Thankfuls. Thankfuls. I have them in abundance. Truly.  Thank you Lizzi. This bloghop is your creation and will be in existence for perpetuity. How does it feel to be part of something immortal? 🙂

Zoe. Clark. Why? Well, you have to go to Clark’s TToT in which he thanks Zoe for a certain video. I love it guys. We should all have such a clock 😀

Air conditioning. Last night, at 10 o’clock, yeah, that’s p.m., it was 89 degrees, with a feel like temp of 99. What planet do I live on again?

This movie even though I haven’t watched it yet…

Encouragement not only for my constant, through time source, but for sources I may not immediately recognize. When I read of other clarks and their exploits, their struggle, their accomplishments, I feel…encouraged. It gives me hope that those things I struggle with are not so uncommon for those who experience the world as a clark. Not all “bread and roses”, ya know?

That work is coming along. Well, more like I’m coming along. I entered a field I knew nothing about. Rather intimidating going from a job where you pretty much knew all there was to know (on the practical level) to one where you have to stumble sometimes through the learning. It’s challenging and I’m in a hurry to “know it all”. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be a “student” once again 🙂

Speaking of being a “student to school there“, word over at the Doctrine is that Abigail is taking a course and will be busy her own self. I hope to be joining you Abbie in a classroom near me in the not so distant, already in existence, future 😀

The SBOR/BOSR. Because I’m stuck! I don’t know how to manuever pictures and such that my last item is…..not getting posted because I don’t know how the hell to format stuff. OMG! I sound like an “old” person more and more lol. Suffice it to say, I have much to be thankful for and each day I remind myself of that fact.

I’ve been missing this guy a lot lately. Not that I don’t miss them all.  I’m thankful to have had so many wonderful companions over the years to love me, teach me – Madeline, Jamaal, Harlee, Alex, Zoey….I’ve been truly blessed.

Girl and her Dog

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holy S#@! No, Really….

OK. So I uploaded a little video of myself claiming by rite of hat for the Wakefield Doctrine. Fine. Then I began this post. The opening line went something like “so who was old enough in 1973 to go see this movie”. As I was attempting to insert a YouTube clip of 2 guys talking about the place and about the end of the movie and such, my computer froze and simultaneously began emitting a deep whine. Steady, constant. Nothing to do except turn it off. When I returned to this post, blank screen. Nothing. No shit.

Anywho, today I discovered that Georgetown (cool shopping/tourist district in D.C.) is a mere 13 miles from where I live. And, I could get there without driving major highways. Sure ’nuff, I was crossing the Key Bridge and hanging a right onto M St., in an amazingly short time. In fact, I was back to home base within 2 hours after having driven around, walked around, took pictures, looked for ways to turn around from the 1 ways…. Who knew the world could get bigger a mere 13 miles away.

It’s a thankful post. Because it’s Sunday. Because I haven’t posted since last weekend. Truth be told, it was not such a good week. But the alternatives are way worse and so I can be very thankful for my “not so good week”. Truly. Dammit…now my speaker icon is going balistic, flashing on off on off…possession. Oh, its’ real alright. There’s all types of possession. Personally, I don’t like to discuss the religious/supernatural kind. No sir. Just. Leave. It. Alone. Guess you’ll have to go look up the movie clip(s) your own selves.

My thankfuls this week? I woke up each and every day. Sunday through Saturday. Always my starting point. As is today. It’s a beautiful day. And it’s incumbent upon my own damn self to see what oftentimes I don’t, to be open to that which is all around me all of the time but for the simple willingness to step forward and venture out from behind the dotted lines.