Lessons, Learning, Peeking Around the Edge

Sunday. Morning. Been up for a coupla hours. Morning has always been a treasure left undiscovered. Eagerly anticipated as it was the one part of the day I could completely indulge. The space between each line uncharted territory beckoning to be discovered/revealed.  When did it stop being the most enjoyable part of my day? When did sitting comfortably, pad and pen in hand, (replaced now with white screen and keyboard) cease to be that solitary walk along the deserted beach, scoping tide washed sand for shells and sea glass and driftwood?

Who do I have to thank for sitting me down, right now and asking? Christina Perri? Pinterest for sending me links that might interest me? That Pinterest shared with me GirlieOnTheEdge’s post “Of Metal and Mayhem” from 2 years ago featuring Ms. Perri singing “Jar of Hearts” is no coincidence (actually it is but let’s roll with it). Whatever the cue that illicits emotional content, I believe I owe it to myself to follow the trail. Cueing the song for the 4th time, chorus now indelibly etched into my brain for the day.

Reminders. How important are they? Very, yes? Of course. Without them we might miss that important drs. appointment or job interview or teacher parent meeting. Daily reminders. We all need them. I don’t want to talk about those reminders though. I want to explore the “holyshitIforgotabouttheohyeah,can’tbelieveIforgotIcouldIforget” reminders. Life shit. Get where I’m going? Inside of your head, reflective, self assessing, time to review, pull down the shade, find a comfy chair and…review. Remember. Remember the stuff you told yourself not to forget.

As on most Saturday nights, I call into the Wakefield Doctrine Saturday Night Call in Show. Typically, especially these last couple of years, it’s Clark (your host), myself and more recently and consistenly, Cynthia. Now wait a darn minute! Nuh, huh…it is too very enjoyable and humorfilled and….informative.  When it’s only us clarks, there is much identification going on, many reveals and “aha’s” and in general “no shits!” and yes, it can be a wild time lol. Who says a three way conversation among clarks is boring. It’s not always about the Doctrine ya know. Well, actually how can it not be?

As I suspected, I’ve veered a bit off course. Retrospection, if done properly can be a valuable tool. Recollection without the indulgence of feeling bad, can be a valuable tool. Remembering to remember can be a valuable tool. Thanks to Clark last night, I remembered some things that naturally I’d forgotten. Funny, I made a comment about being in denial (the usual life shit, where am I, what am I, why, why not) and Clark pointed out that when an individual is in a state of denial, they are not consciously aware they’re in denial. Example? If someone sees white, when it is black. They see only white. They do not know it is black because for that person, it is white. So how much of what I see or don’t see has it’s roots embedded in denial? How can I know I’m in a state of denial? Does that imply someone, other than myself, should be telling me how it really is? How’s that for a big ole can of squirming, radioactive worms?! LOL

I’m fairly certain I’ve lost most folks. In fact, I may have even lost the clarks! It’s a rambling, self indulgent kinda day today – it’s a reminder today. To look so that I can see without prejudice, that which is in front of me, surrounding me. What is it I refuse to see? Cannot recognize? When will I know, how can I know those times I’m in denial? Can I rescue my own self? Gee, thank you brother. You’ve always got my back 😀

One of my favorite TV characters, a clark, was all about finding the truth. He insisted the “truth was out there”.  Am I ready for the truth? I know this clip will totally resonate with my people. Here’s to a TToT weekend for yes, this is a TToT post. The thankfuls? They’re out there. Just have to find them.

#Ten Things of Thankful, Girlie Style.

Greetings and salutations! I’m Girlie and you have found your way to the Edge – GirlieOnTheEdge. Welcome. This blog has been around a long time. It has grown, evolved, waned, almost disappeared…trying all the while to hone it’s voice. GirlieOnTheEdge began as a way of sharing. Like a ham radio operater, I sent words out into the airwaves hoping someone might pick up on the frequency and discover my words.  Words that always contained a message. Of hope, encouragement, humor (no, really! I wrote some humorful words once upon a time lol).  It was also a voice to share a life tool that to this day totally blows me away in it’s spot on perspective into why people act and do the things they do.  Amazingly helpful to me, how could I not share that with other people. That’s right! I’m talking about the Wakefield Doctrine aka the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers. Numero uno folks. How can it not be?! It has helped me navigate the crazy world of relationships – family, co-workers, friends….

Scrolling through my posts, as time and life wittled the wood of this place, there remained a constant. I would almost always write a 10 Things of Thankful post. As my readers know, it’s a bloghop offered by our recuperating wordsmistress Lizzi Lewis. She of Considerings fame shared a thing that has touched the lives of countless folks. Dos y dos Lizzi 😀

3. A safe return last weekend from my homeland.

4. Having a huge smile on my face when I went in to work after being on vacation. The office was decorated for Christmas! And that always makes me smile.

5. For my family. I am one lucky Girlie.

6. The generosity of friends. Old friends. Lifelong friends.

7. Canines!

8. My health and the wealth in my possession that is not of material or financial form.

9. the Cat.

10. Right here, right now. This day. A gift to me one more time.

Let’s step outside of ourselves today, get out of the way, and look around. Pretty amazing, eh?

Just Remember This… It’s a TToT.

‘Morning. I have blown my nose, rid myself of tears. Why? Well, because I listened to the first vid. Since I was an itty bitty Girlie, I’ve felt an “affinity” for all things French. The very first time I sang the French national anthem in grade school, something stirred within me. Something on a molecular level. Past life “memory”? Who knows.

I first watched Casablanca, at my mother’s urging “you have to watch this movie…” When this scene played, when they started to sing, my body reacted. The floodgates of emotion opened and I felt something grip my soul. And so I cry every time I hear La Marseillaise. To this very day.

This is a post for Lizzi’s bloghop. The one that has survived and persisted lo these many years. If you want to get an idea about how long, just go to Clark’s post. To the 4 individuals who wrote the screenplay for one of my favorite movies of all time, Thank You.

All the people involved with that movie – did they think their creative endeavor would survive time? Did they dream that their work would go down in history as one of the best films of all time, that their words would be repeated by generations of people yet to be born? That it would affect millions of people? The longevity of works of art, of the creative mind. Perpetual inspiration, non? Thanks to the internet, there is a dearth of creative work that will go on in perpetuity. Huge thankful. Huge.

I have many thankfuls, always. Each day. The weather so far, cool but not cold,  sun… finally finding jeans that look decent on me. (well, no one has told me otherwise. but would they really? lol) And a huge thankful shoutout to a fellow clark who is blazing her clarklike trail with great success. Thank you Cynthia. She has encouraged me to write, she has always been supportive and I am thankful for her friendship.

To Val. Thank you Val! for creating the FB page, My World at the Moment.  What began as an exercise between two people was shared and the creative process was engaged. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Engaging the world? Participating. Reaching out. Experiencing the world, not reading about it, not thinking about it…To everyone who has helped me to persist in that endeavour, THANK YOU!

The past cannot be altered. We become who we are in spite of it or because of it. It is our choice.

 

It’s Not My Fault for being Late to The SSS!

How many times do I have to hear “Denise, you need to set a time limit for writing a post“.  And each time I hear that admonition (yes, it’s an admonition lol), I agree. With gusto! It makes sense. Especially when it comes to writing a 6 Sentence Story. Zoe’s bloghop does not require any more than 6 sentences. On the surface, the SSS is a seemingly, low pressure, just have some fun with it, bloghop. Except if you’re a clark who has all but stopped creative writing, writing of any sort really. Na-ah. No pressure! lol

I found a way this evening, don’t ask me how because I’m clueless, to sidestep the pressure. I engaged the world earlier and you might say that by doing so found my way to the words below. And a special hats off to a particular 10 year old who’s creative energy always makes me smile:D

Mrs. Garcia, her 5th grade students nicknamed her “Mrs. Garcia Lorca” after the famous poet and playwright, was very excited about going to work today.

She’d finally been able to get her first decent’s night sleep in over a month, as it had been that long since she first began her project, her quest, her attempt to fulfill a long neglected dream.

Elise Carolina Garcia, 5th grade English teacher, was not only a talented poet and writer, she also excelled in the fine arts and her dream, since first discovering the world of paint, pencil, charcoal and canvas was to create a work of art that would one day hang in the National Museum of Women in the Arts.

“Good morning class, how is everyone doing today? I hope you have all taken a good look at the painting I brought in this week as today it will be shipped off to the museum to be included in this month’s exhibition.”

“Um…Mrs. Garcia…..I…I’m really sorry…it was an accident, honest, I was just fooling around…it wasn’t my fault!”

 

Sleep is Under Rated. Right??

I tried to sneak up on myself tonight, you know to write a 6 Sentence Story. It’s the blog hop hosted by Zoe. Yeah, that Zoe 😀  This week’s cue word is “stick

Not as easy as you think, sneaking up on yourself, so I’ve sent up a plea to the vowel gods and implored the concierge  of consonents to assist me with this, my entry for this week’s 6 Sentence Story. I mean, if the stars can occaisionally align, then why, oh why can’t the independent letters of the English alphabet align themselves into words to form a clever little story, poem, vignette….something. I mean we’re only talking 6 sentences!

It was Christmas Eve, all Currier & Ives smeared windows, picture perfect New England winter wonderland day, oh, so silent.

Slight crunching could be heard from boots trying to walk on frozen water, almost successful, treading carefully, making their way guiltily to the front door, a stick snapping in two, a precursor to events yet to unfold .

Hushed, yet not night, the sun ambled it’s way, rolling like a beach ball over the dunes towards the distant blue black horizon, to take refuge for another cycle, night following a day, always.

Life, it seemed, would never be the same, an era ending, not so much in fireworks as in the slow extinguishing of a single, solo, smoldering ember, the dying of a fire never meant to go out.

Where, when, how, do paths veer, hearts wander, intent go astray….

Christmas Day, surely was solemn as two hearts lay, torn asunder, beneath the low hanging branches of a holiday tree adorned majestically, sadly for a last time, would the star shine.

 

 

 

Today. Yes, Yes it is a TToT.

Where do I begin? What is the starting point? Where is the starting point. Which one? My head holds a myriad of flash intros each screaming, vying to be headliner. How do/can/will I know which one is the right one for this…this version of reality? Even as I write these words, I doubt the font type currently appearing was the same font as when I opened this post. To borrow from Calderon, is everything but a dream….

Thanks to constant interrupted sleep last night, I awakened this morning at the sound of an incoming text. I’m thankful for that as I dare not think how long I may have slept. Already, the day had been re-arranged, re-ordered for me by my body. By the intermittent leg/foot pretzels that plagued me throughout the overnight. “I am an old woman, named after my mother, my old man is another child that’s grown old”. Even now, I wander the highway of multidimensional reality. Why the hell not 🙂

I will, being sleep deprived (there can be very enjoyable special effects garnered from interrupted sleep), on the verge of getting sick? attempt to put some cohesive tape on this botch job of a post…it all began….last night, as I turned out the light thinking it was going to be a typical, lay in bed, go to sleep, sleep until morning kind of night, I lay, lights out listening to youtube. The last 2 songs I listened to were Don’t Speak and Someone Like You. Neither are new songs. Neither are played on the radio here (Don’t Speak I’ve heard once or twice but not in ages). At least the stations I listen to. Driving to work, I heard both these songs. Back to back. Now you might say, what’s so weird about that? Here’s what’s weird. The brief conversation I’d had with Clark pulling away from the house 20 minutes earlier. It culminated in his statement/observation that my previous (work) timeline was reclaiming it’s self proclaimed, rightful place here on this, my new timeline. What? Whatch you talkin’ bout Willis?? And so, the briefiest discussion of the re-emergence of pattern, habit, routine. Engrained like the groove in one’s favorite record. Impervious to the switch to digital media, habits and routine cannot be erased, cannot be altered sufficiently for them not to resurface to reclaim their rightful position, steering you to those places it would have you be because, after all, we’re all where we would have ourselves be. We are living in our perfect world. (go ahead Clark. I know I could never explain it. The words are not in my brain any longer lol)

This is a jumbletron of words. Like “sitting at my desk at work at 11:45 this morning, I was overcome with an incredibly strong feeling of deja vu.” The kind where you believe you know right at that moment the next thing you had done/will do. And so I thought, is this simply a facet of timeline replication? Is it the “feeling of having done this before” or was it simple resonation of familiarity of habit?

I think perhaps the lines were bleeding one into the other today. Blending, melding, criss crossing. In a way, I hope so. Otherwise, how is it I can ever discover anything “new”? How will I keep routine, habit at bay. How will I keep my body from playing in the worn rut left by the needle that has traversed the same song for 57 years.

TTOTimelines (yes! I’m stealing that from Clark! That clever Doctrine guy who plagues me, lectures me, yet manages to keep me sane). I am participating today. Somewhere. LOL

For the Wakefield Doctrine

For last weekend. Achieving goals, spending time with my favorite small humans. We had a wonderful “nature walk” on Sunday to round out the weekend.

For increasing knowledge, little by little in my new profession.

For only getting ,my face “burned” 3 times by my dermatologist.

For the sense that I will write, will complete Annaliese’s Dream, though it’s barely begun.

For the YouTube.

For my physical stamina. It’s pretty damn good.

For not totally, completely giving up participating in the virtual world. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have read Kristi Campbell’s very fine Finish the Sentence Friday post. Check it out. Her writing. It’s good. Like damn good.

For the BOSR/SBOR. No. Not quoting a rule. Just a general thanks for it’s existence 🙂

For this, another opportunity. For this, both my first and my last day.

Do you know where you are? You sure?

How Big Do I Want My World to Be? A 10 Things

Yo. Valid question. I asked myself this very question while closing out my morning words. “How big do I want my world to be today?” It’s entirely up to me. How will I engage the world? The responsibility lies with me to put myself out there, to make myself available. To possibility.

As a clark, I can be satisfied to remain inside of 4 walls with a book, computer, tv… and not mind not interacting with anyone or anything. And be content. If you’re like me, and have a secondary scottian aspect, this only works for so long (albeit way longer when you start getting older lol) as you actually enjoy going out “into the world”. Sometimes.

I don’t know yet what I’m going to do today. Aside from a couple of typical Saturday activities. My challenge will be to go out and find someone to engage, something to engage me….to go out there, and participate. This begins my participation with the world as literally, folks wa-ay outside my neighborhood may stumble upon and read this, my Ten Things of Thankful post.

Always a first thankful is that I remain (as of right now) with a roof over my head, food to eat, a car to drive and employment to sustain me. With events of nature, war, crime, illness wantonly ravaging everyday life for someone, somewhere, I do not and will not take the basic necessities for granted.

Second. Health. I’ve still got it as far as I know. It’s incumbent upon my own self to promote, pursue and maintain excellence in all catagories of my health. Not an easy undertaking! But I will continue to try and do right my self 😀

Third. That I caught the last 1/2 hour of one of my all time favorite movies, Jet Li’s Fearless. OMG. What a f’ing great movie. If you watch none of it but the last fight scene, then do. Powerful and moving. Brought tears to my eyes. And of course, martial arts 🙂

Fourth. I’m thankful to everyone who stopped by Girlie to read the first 6 Sentence Story I’ve written in…. yeah! that is a long time lol

Fifth. I am so thankful for those who put forth into the world, the wonderous, magical gift that is music. Well, of course I need to qualify this statment 😀 For those who’ve created the music I love and will love 🙂 Life is incomplete without it.

Sixth. I’m thankful for being aware of gestures of kindness. Not only gestures towards myself but the witnessing of gestures towards others.

Seventh. the Wakefield Doctrine.

Eight. I am both grateful and thankful to have traveled to Europe. Not once, but twice in my lifetime. It is a gift that has few words. I now have the ability to transport myself back in time to stand inside the home of William Shakespeare, or walk the beaches surrounding Mont St. Michel, enjoy the outdoor market atmosphere in Kenmare, Ireland or, speaking adequate enough French to a bartender, in the middle of the day, because I was lost on the streets of…Paris. Yup, I’m one lucky, thankful Girlie.

Nine. I will always find a place on the list for – technology! Access to the world with a mouseclick.

10. For waking up again to make another go of it 🙂

Go out today. If only for awhile and never, never forget to….