Door Half Open? or Half Closed? It’s Ten Thankfuls Time

Greetings and welcome to GirlieOnTheEdge. I’d like to thank Lizzi and her last comment here at Girlie for helping me decide today’s video. It’s one I’ve used in a past post and one of my favorite Halestorm songs. So, to Lizzi and her bloghop, Ten Things of Thankful, and to Everyone “out there”, here’s to us….

Several months ago, I agreed to sign up and participate in a 5k walk/run for a local elementary school. A friend of mine’s daughter works there and of course was looking for “volunteers”, good cause, etc, etc. Being a clark and all, this wasn’t on the top of my list of “things to do” on a Saturday morning lol. May I say, now that it’s done, I’m glad I joined in the fun (did I mention I had to be there at 7 am!!!). In spite of my oversleeping, plumbing problems (I fixed temporarily? for my landlordess. not!), no coffee, rain and cold temperatures…yes, I’m glad to have participated. That is TF numero uno.

Lessee….my 2nd item might have been a TF for the last of cold weather but wait! After experiencing a gorgeous 81 degrees here yesterday, Tuesday is supposed to be…like 49. What is up with that?! But it is wonderful to see the grass so green, the flowers and trees blooming. Yeah, it’s nice. Spring is here.

3. Backstory aside, I’m thankful to live with, and have as a landlord, a genuinely kind, pleasant and generous young woman. It gets a tad “hectic” with the 9 yr old sometimes, (she’s also my Spanish tutor and did I mention she was 9? and I’m pretty sure a scott? lol) but hey, it’s all good.

4. You know, I’ve expressed thanks for my job, for employment but I don’t think I’ve actually included my co-workers. Office staff, attorneys, I can honestly say I like them all! Everyone is great and as small as our group is (and getting smaller) I’m greatful to work with such a pleasant, hard working group.

Give me a 5 spot, we’re halfway through! So speaking of this great bunch of people I work with – one of my friends there (who sits next to me) were talking one day with one of the attorneys. When the 3 of us get talking you  never know what topic might be brought up (thanks to “J” of course. I’ll blame it all on her lol). Anyway, come to find out she’s been shooting pool (or is that playing billiards) since she was way young. We traded stories from our past and now! we both are going to (make an attempt to) take it up again….during our lunch hour. Yay!

6. Being overwhelmed by reading material. This is really a combo TF and HTF (hypo-thankful). While I adore the easy availability of copius, seemingly endless amounts of reading material, it has dismayed me lo these many months, that I’ve been unable to do much reading of any of it at all!

7) Gym membership. It’s slow going. Still only making it 3 days a week but I’m hoping by tagging along with my niece to a BodyPump class I can kick (no pun intended) my fitness goals into higher gear.

8! The sky is looking lighter outside my window…is it?…could it…? 🙂

9. the Wakefield Doctrine.

10. Waking up again today. And participating.

Life at one time or other presents challenges. Big, small. Devestating…Somehow, find a way to step out. Out of the room, out of the house, out of your own self and take a chance. A leap of faith. Participate. In the world. Out there. You may be surprised at the benefits a little “forced” participation may provide. 


Warning! “Forced Dump” in Progress. Please. Move Closer to the Edge.

What do you do when circumstances force you to utter/scream/mutter or otherwise say to yourself…”life has become untenable!” What does that even mean?

I spoke those words not too long ago. Not pleasantly and not without expletives. Was it simply the culmination of a day’s worth of “little things”? Or were those “little things” a gift to precipitate a needed “forced dump”? Nice term. Those 2 words appeared in white capital letters against a lovely blue *gasp* background when I turned on my laptop.

Before the screen went black I stared in horror only to spot one other significant word – “crash”. How many times can you can you endure a “forced dump”, survive a “crash”?

3 days later…..

I guess multiple times. At least I can. You know what I say to “enduring”? FUCK THAT SHIT. clarks are famous for the “endurance” thing. Let me give you youngins’ a tip: endurance is a trap. Yuppers. A trap. I’m not talking about enduring traffic on the way to the beach or the discomfort getting your teeth worked on. I’m talking about the “bigger” stuff. The “life” stuff. (thank God for quotation marks!)

What is the point of it? Yeah, yeah, I know. There are times/situations/events that require us to “bite the bullet”, “bide our time” etc. But at what point do you recognize that endurance has simply become a coping tool. Even an escape. From the bullshit that is facing you.

Damn! I’ve got to remember that most folks have “normal” lives. Living life in an orderly, secure fashion. Fortunately, for me (or unfortunately) I know of no one personally waking up each day to a seemingly impossible challenge. But hey! here’s to us! Since this is not a “regular” post but a TTandT post, I’m giving my #1 thanks to that – no one I know is “challenged” today except for the more ordinary stuff. (but if you are, know you can come to this place, the Edge, for a virtual ear, shoulder, temporary respite….empathy.) Alright, let’s get on with this thing.

Deuces wild: the incredible sky last night over the City of Alexandria, VA. Holy shit, it was phenomenally scary and totally invigorating. I swear I looked at it and saw slow motion, barely perceptible, rotation. I looked around at the stupid amount of traffic and wondered…is anybody else seeing all this? Are they even looking?

Triad: as in clark, scott, roger? Sure, wtf. Don’t know what I would be like for not having known/knowing the Wakefield Doctrine. Go check out the Doctrine’s TToT.

Quartering in the fifth (no clue what that means) The sun is shining at this moment as I race to conclude this post so that I can stand in the searing sun to watch Nephew 10 play soccer in this, the elimination round of the playoffs. Part of me does not want him to win lol. Means going back this afternoon for more sticky weather.

A fifth of vodka. No. Thank you. (Vodka was my alcohol of choice in my younger, party days. I don’t seem to imbibe much now that I’m older.) Lessee….that I’m not a Zombie. (see the “Triad”, go read the comments)

Six can be Nine, here at the TToT. Why? SBOR/BOSR. That’s why! For moments in time as in last weekend, after having done the movie/sleepover thing with the nephews and family. Sunday, out in the backyard, 6 yr old asks “Aunt Denise? Want to help me catch fireflys? Me: Sure, as long as we don’t kill them!” 

10 spot: the day that is now. Here. Where I will take a stand. Figure it out people. Figure it out. Today is the only day. Be well, be happy. Live. Now.

Sissies need not apply….

Today’s non-featured band: Halestorm. Lizzy Hale: self-aware scott. Her brother, the drummer Arejay Hale? I like him. No, not for the obvious:) I like him for his expression.  His energy. His passion. He becomes one with the kit. When I watch him, I’m reminded of Tommy Lee. For you kids out there, Mötley Crüe was a band out of L.A. around ’81 or so. They’re on a “final” tour like so many other bands but that’s for another post. Lizzy’s brother Arejay is very physical, very, shall we say dramatic.  Hence my comparison to Tommy. Both drummers imo, very good. It’s difficult for me to describe what it is when I watch old clips of Tommy and various clips of Arejay.

I wonder at myself sometimes that I can watch and listen to a drummer and be affected. Speaks to the musician. Isn’t it about being “affected”. Isn’t it about artists creating and others feeling something about that art?

Speaking of “feeling”. I did a bunch this past week. Yeah, I really think I did! And for that, I am grateful. And because of this past week, I feel a tad more qualified to put up a list. You know, for the TToT.  Don’t know that I’ll have 10 items but we’ll see. I can say that each item holds within it enough components to qualify as stand alone thankfuls. The problem? I don’t know how to express them. They’ll just have to wander in the wasteland of words that populate my brain. So! Without further ado-ness:

First) The Epitome of Fall. I have fully intended for years to try and write about this annual experience. It is for me, the one day, the only day, in which I “know” it is fall. There is a “feeling” about the day – it is the light, the smell, the crunchiness of the leaves, it is the color and the sound. It is the day my body knows Autumn has arrived. And it’s a good feeling.

Second) This one is an inverse. Yeah. Inverse. I’m grateful for all the damned pieces of paper with scribblings of the beginnings of, oh, about 6 posts that have filled my purse these past 2 weeks. The purse that is bulging because I keep throwing in these pieces of paper with ideas for posts and such that I never quite get to.  So-o….thankful I still have some ideas!

Third) I’m rather thankful that I haven’t totally given up on myself. The SBoR/BoSR would allow me to sub-catagorize at this point thereby allowing me to “cheat”. But I will not abuse the sacred book.

Fourth) I’ll  just say that I have not given up the idea of writing. And publishing. I recently attempted to write a dream/flashback sequence in Chapter 27 over at the Rag. I have a renewed admiration for so many writers! Writing is hard!!!!

Fifth) Thankful these lists don’t have to be in order of priority. lol I much prefer the freeform approach.

Sixth) That I made one of my nephew’s soccer games yesterday. It was the 5 year old’s game. They are very cute to say the least. Oh, and yes his team won. In fact, there was a moment right before Brady scored in which I was quite vocal and clapped my hands together so hard one of my 4 hemetite rings I wear on my right hand cracked! But all for a good cause.

Seventh) This is unexpected…that I’m a clark. (Not for the usual reasons.) As a clark, I had the whatever to be able to withstand standing on the sidelines of that game amidst all the families and their little kids. Because I don’t have any. Kids. And I should have. Kids. And it’s hell (what an understatement) to be around them. But I set it aside, ‘cuz, well, I have to.

Eighth) I can’t ever not be thankful for access to the internet. Which is access to the world. Which is access to people, and ideas and art and entertainment. It is opportunity to watch people grow. It is opportunity to be part of a community of creative individuals. Like all those who participate in this blog hop.

Nine) That I’m still writing and, at #9, not caring that I forgot and/or can’t remember the mental list I was compiling this week just for this very purpose!

Tenth) The one thankful that will always appear on my list: one more day.

Hey! Here’s a thankful for you guys: that I didn’t load up on a ton of music vids! Drives me crazy sometimes – not only do I keep “lists” of books to read, things to do….but now I’m keeping “lists” of vids to use in future posts!!! Ka-ra-zee!





Land of the Living

Just for the record, Lizzy still rules. LOL Don’t know how I stumbled across Theresa Jeane and company but glad I did. Think I’m going through some sort of “regressive self therapy”. Is that a real thing that my brain is remembering or did I just make it up? No, nevermind. Let me tell  you what it’s all about.

For whatever reason, a couple of days weeks ago I decided to listen to one of my all time favorite cd’s from the 90’s, the Crue’s Decade of Decadence. Took me back to when I was managing a record store in Wakefield, Rhode Island. We sold a shitload of them and every night for a week the closing crew (pun intended) and I would put it on. Loud. Once 10:00pm hit and the other stores closed their doors, we’d crank it.

Got to admit, the music from that era, 80’s-90’s, filled me with much energy. Always. And so it makes sense. Now, when I’m building a new TimeLine, that I would pull from the past any/all tools that would enhance probablity for success. You know. In establishing, maintaining and otherwise getting on with a “new” life.

There’s only one tool really that does it for me. One tool that fosters, promulgates, drags and pushes me out of and into another state of mind. And that my friend is my numero uno, Dix Things of Mercibeaucoupness 2 day.

MUSIC. From music stems all my other thanksfuls today. In fact, I can be thankful all darned weekend for years to come with this one. I simply don’t know where to start. There are so many artists, musicians that have traveled with me on my life journey. Witnessed the happy times, the dark times, the lonely times, the hopeful times. They are a part of me. They are me in the sense that I can pull up a mind melody, nod my head to a riff that’s  soundless to others but blaring in my my own brain. I can lay quietly and be soothed knowing there is a resource for comfort, encouragement and humor. It can be found in the do re me……

Deaux. Michael Schenker

Trois. Iron Maiden

Quatre. Bonnie Raitt

Cinq. Metallica

Six. Beethoven

Sept. Vivaldi

Huit. Larry Carlton

Neuf. Jeff Beck

Dix. Jimi!

Yes. “Here’s to us….”

It’s Wednesday. Mid-week. The proverbial  “hump day”.  Yesterday was a wintry mix ‘o mess. Being that I had an hour’s commute in good weather, I decided to avail my self of our company’s liberal leave policy and leave work early. Bundled up like a pig in a blanket, I headed out into the wintery wonderland looking foward to getting a jump start on the “evening commute” at 1:00. I was one of only 3 who decided to heed the advice of the “speakers for the weather”. Having looked out the window several times in the morning, they seemed to know what they were talking about.

The Washington, D.C. metro area is like many a major city. No getting around traffic. Luckily, the route I take avoids the Beltway but it’s long just the same. Our office is located on Rt 7. Venturing forth I thought “not bad”.  A few miles up the road is Rt 28. OK. “Not bad”. No sooner had I said this when I spotted a vehicle ahead on the left median that apparently did a little loopdy doo. No worries. Just a momentary loss of control. Here…. they’re back on the road.

Driving along, hoping there would never be a time without clear lane markings, I thought what a mess. (No, not this time. This time I wasn’t referring to my life. lol) It struck me that although I haven’t lived in a place with snow and cold and such in over 10 years, I seemed to have adapted rather quickly to the northern climate.  Almost as if I had never left. Never lived in a place people flock during the winter months. Body memory? In the bones? I am after all,  a native Rhode Islander.

That is why I suppose, when I had a “Christine moment” on the Parkway, I took it in stride…calmly noting that everyone else was either stopped or far enough away. And the intersection was mine. To slide through. Seemingly in slow motion. To the other side. My big ole box of metal refused to stop. Slide baby. Slide.

It was all I could do. But sometimes, that’s all you can do. And that’s alright.