Saturday Bowl of Serial and Ten Things of Thankful

Why has this been so difficult? Why is it that all the “writing” has been in my head these many months? It’s turned into some sort of phobia I tell ya! You think I’m joking (and most of me is) but when I look at Dictionary.com’s definition of phobia, a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object,activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it”, well that’s me! I’ve got writeaphobia

There is a term that once was popular to describe tuberculosis, consumption. I’ve allowed all that which culminated in my developing writeaphobia, to consume me. Wholely and completely. So, having been consumed, I’m left to untangle the not rinsed nearly enough spaghetti strings of thoughts and fears and worries and self recriminations. Oh, and to make matters worse? Yup, the spaghetti is way, way over cooked. Blech!!

How does one parse each string? Coincidence I use that term, for the parsing comes with employing the 3 String Theory. It’s a bit abstract I suppose, and no, there are no sudden light bulbs of self discovery, but there is a, how shall I describe it, a sense of “calm” after using it. I suppose it’s kind of like a forced “take a step back and reflect”. How does it work? Well, whatever is “grabbing” you at the moment, whatever has you in the clutches of angst or worry or extreme emotion of the not welcome kind, stop. Stop and break it down into 3 components. To everything there is a feeling, there is a thought, there is an action.

Isolate, observe. See where it leads. Identify the emotion. Extrapolate the thought. Confront the action. I don’t know, maybe it’s nothing but maybe it’s something. All I know is that there are moments I find myself overwhelmed and in those moments I’m “somewhere not in the present“.  Let’s face it. We can’t do anything about the past. The future? It’s promise to no one. All there is, is now. The here and now, today. Why allow the residue of the past to color over the possibility of today?

Thank you Lizzi, still no relation, Lewis for planting the seed of the Ten Things of Thankful Bloghop.

Thank you Clark, for the Wakefield Doctrine and Blogdominion (better start at the beginning!) and Almira and….coming soon😀

Thank you all for your continued creative contributions, for your participation that is the conversation.

Thank you Ivywalker for sharing a very personal part of your world. Doug, the Skipmeister himself. You and he shared a most special bond.

Thank you Mother Nature for weather, while oppressive at times, is surely seasonally appropriate😀

Thanks are in huge order for the SBOR/BOSR. If you don’t know. Go find out!

Thank you RTX Records. An excellent, inexpensive resource for aquiring music and movies. While already in the Girlie film library (does me no good in Fl), I picked up a copy of Collateral, one of my favorite movies of all time, for $2. Cool.

Thank you little, growing up too quickly, Virginia nephews just for being you.

Thanks to my own self for being open to “listening to” and being “guided by” my body. Sometimes, the doing is way more rewarding than the thinking about doing.

Thanks, as always for this, another day, another opportunity to try and get it right….

 

Life is Momentary. Thank you Mr. Vaughan.

Good morning. Welcome. This is GirlieOnTheEdge. I am your hostess, Girlie. During my briefest of dabbles in classical guitar, I did play Albéniz. But not this one, one of my favorites. I am able to say that of many, many activities… “during my brief…..I…..“. Now, some of you may be thinking “oh no, here she goes…better leave now before it’s too late!”  And then you would miss it. Miss the part where I give thanks for all that I have lived, accomplished. That the “outcome” of my 57 years on the planet has not produced the life once envisioned. What of it? Cry me a river? Of course not. That would be…why that would be awful. In the true sense of the word. And if some of you think the tonal has commandeered my keyboard, well, that may be so. The tonal is a formidable foe fo’ sure. But I daresay only a few folks I know (yo Clark!, Roger!) can relate to the war that is often waged by the tonal. Godspeed you say? Yes, thank you. Hey! That reminds me of a gravestone in the cemetary in which I often walk at lunchtime. It reads “Goodspeed“. Typo? LOL Perhaps. The no paragraph thing? Hoping to lose the tonal ‘cuz somewhere along the way recently, I lost the will to dispense with it’s insidious trickery. What you say? Why yes, yes, let’s list those 10 thankfuls that made this week’s list: One. Gifts from the Cat. The gift of walking through a most pleasant cemetary at lunchtime came directly from the Cat via, the gift of a timeline change. Kudos to the most powerful feline evva. Two. Waking up again today. Three. I’m thankful for all the circumstances and conditions for which I am not subject. Life is good. Four. Lisa at the Meaning of Me. Yeah you, Lisa! I appreciate you stopping by last week and reading and commenting. I enjoy reading your posts and it’s a shame I’ve neglected you and everyone else I’ve come to know in V-Land. And your blog theme, your “new” look? Still makes me smile. And if you smile, that makes you feel better. And that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Visiting, reading, engaging the world, feeling better… Write that children’s books series Lisa. It will be great:) Five. Speaking of enjoyable writers, dare I say that I’m never not impressed by one Lizzi Lewis (No, Clark, I know. No relation) She has a gift for description, for creating lovely pictures with her words. Six. Metallica. When once (and I thought forever) I would feel nothing but a good feeling hearing Metallica, for the first time ever, I barely escaped keeping tears at bay during last night’s commute. A thankful? Sure. Because of the implications for this clark. A challenge from the tonal. Seven. Surely, not the movie for it was disturbing. Eight. Little headsets. While I still firmly believe the only way to listen to music is through a stereo system, I’ve recently decided that listening to music through the headset that came with my phone could be just what the dr. ordered. Surely as the sun shines, there is some music that should only be listened to through headphones. Absent my powerful, Marantz receiver, turntable and CD player, not to mention the round disc things that go with them, I still have access to the healing power that is music. A headset makes it a little more “personal”. A little more intimate….the kind of intimacy we should all be lucky enough to share with another human. Nine. the Wakefield Doctrine. Ten, 10. The 1980’s…

I guess the tracks you lay are your own“. That being said, let’s go out into the day and step deeply…

 

Man Buns, Musings, the TToT and.. GirlieOnTheEdge

Yeah. Man buns. I can’t say I’m a huge fan. It’s not that I’m discriminating against men. I’ve always been attracted to men with long hair. Oh wait! I am. Discriminating. Not every man, guy, dude can pull off the “man bun”. Sorry guys but you have to have, je ne sais pas, a natural, self confident, high unselfconscious cool quotient. Otherwise, ..not gonna work. Here. Check out this website. Not all the men on this site are doin’ it for me. One, maybe two. Maybe😀. What do you think?

…is it any wonder that Doc Brown came up with the idea for the Flux Capacitor in the bathroom? Of course not! Of any single room in a house or apartment, this one is by far the room where all those creative, aha! ideas spontaneously errupt inside our craniums. Admit it. You know it’s true. The other magical thing about bathrooms? If you’re waiting for your ride. And waiting and waiting. The surefire way to have them show up is, if all of a sudden, you find yourself….needing to use the bathroom. Exactly! As soon as you close that door behind you, the phone rings, the doorbell dings. You know I speak the truth:)

Some days, some weeks, there are more musings, less musings. More distractions, less distractions. Throughout it all? Little things and maybe bigger things for which I give thanks. Often times I don’t recall them at all, other times….

TToT 1 – Hearing from/talking with significants from my other life(s). It brings me a special joy knowing there are some with whom I will always share a bond no matter time, circumstance…always.

TToT 2 – Persistence. My own. In finding a way to live. To thrive. To advance. To matter. To make a difference. To find peace and contentedness.

TToT 3 – My mentor. He who would tell me the harshest of truths. He who would irritate the hell out of me with only the best of intentions. He who will not stop telling me what I need to hear.

TToT 4 – Today! I woke up again. A-a-nd I went to the gym after a week hiatus for no good stinkin’ reason except I was housesitting and it was too far away (by 7 more miles) waah, waah.

TToT 5the Wakefield Doctrine. Of course!

TToT 6 – A growing comfort level at my new place of work. And of a growing willingness to participate in group activities the likes of which I always shied from in the past. (can you say clark? lol).

TToT 7 – Reminders that I haven’t gone all “stupid”. That I do have creative thoughts. I do have words that, should they find their way out of my head, might actually read well. Might even entertain. (just have to get them from head to screen!)

TToT 8 – Music! Thank you Roger for telling me about this because, as is the way, I somehow stumbled on this guy. How cool that he does acoustic Maiden, eh?:) Check this one too. I stopped playing classical guitar why?!

TToT 9 – this post! Why in the world (I know why) did I not continue with so many things I obviously had a knack for? It’s not that I didn’t enjoy doing them….light bulbs keep going off. But that’s a good thing, right? lol

TToT 10 – Insistence. I’ve got to insist that life be how and what I want today, in the present. I can’t change the past. None of us can. Done and done. Here’s to waking up one more day…

GirlieOnTheEdge Asks: Are you Listening?

Have you ever heard a song for the first time and instantly felt it grip you with emotional tenterhooks? Hooks so sharp they effortlessly pierce the hardened lining you mistakenly attributed to life?  Left hanging, stretched in places not often stretched, you wonder what just happened? Then you’re all like “I love this song”. No never mind it’s a cover of a very old song. It affects us on a level that all too often we brush aside in the name of “I don’t have time right now” or “I can’t because I have to (fill in the chore, routine)”. Music, people. It’s the doorway to another place within our own selves. Walk through it. Make the effort to open that door. You see, doors are made to open first.

Sunday TToT post? It sure is!

  1. The weather the last few days! In the mid-Atlantic it’s beautiful. Summer has arrived! Having recently emerged from 26 days out of 30 with rain….it’s glorious.
  2. Reminders. From folks who don’t care if I like what they have to say but tell me anyway because well, they care.
  3. My new job. So far so good. It takes time to learn a new job. I am attempting to be more patient with myself and ignore the internal screams of “you’re not learning fast enough”, “what the hell! why didn’t you remember that?!”
  4. That I have a rather pleasant alternative for lunchtime walks if I need a little peace and quiet. The  builiding I work in is situated next to a funeral home. Next to the funeral home is…a cemetary.
  5. I’ve gotten to the gym 2 days consecutively! Don’t laugh! That’s a big one for me😀
  6.  the Wakfield Doctrine. (of course!)
  7. My health. I’m totally grateful that I have no major health issues and that my mind is still functional, still able to learn and develop. (uh, one of you better let me know if not! lol)
  8. To my littlest of housemates for reminding me to brush my teeth at night! We made a pact a couple of months ago to remind each other every night (almost every night lol) to brush our teeth. In an effort to help a 9 year old with improving her dental hygiene, she has helped me. Funny, that reciprocity thing😀
  9. Music. New. Old. Old new.
  10. This day. The only day.

Listen for the music. When you cannot hear it, remember to use your eyes to see the music your ears are not hearing…

 

#Ode to Lila. A Sunday TToT Post

I officially walked, Kenneth Cole black leather case hanging from my shoulder, into my new TimeLine at precisely 8:30 am. Monday, May 9, 2015. A relative straight line 7.1 miles from where I presently live, I no longer have the commute from hell. No more Cowboy driving (6:00 am), no more Video Game driving (7:00 pm). The Capital Beltway has given way to a lesser road. And sometimes it’s alright to travel a lesser road.

It has been 4 weeks since my last TToT and these are my thankfuls:

1.) the Cat

2) My own damn self

3) the Wakefield Doctrine

4) My new work place. The people there are…nice. The atmosphere is…comfortable. And! They have cake day once a month (yes, there is also ice cream to go with said cake!) I’m grateful to work with a group of people who, from the beginning, made me feel welcome. I appreciate that.

5) And! I’m appreciating enjoying a new career that is not as deadline driven as my last job. I have walked this new world, for a full two weeks and it has taken that amount of time for me to re-adjust my body, my brain. It’s taken that amount of time to learn to not pressure myself to read faster, comprehend faster, do everything…faster. There is not the pressure to get it done by (fill in the time, same day). What a novelty! lol

6) I’m quite grateful for working on the 5th floor. There are a total of 6 floors, 7 if you include the basement where you access the garage beneath the building. I’ve recently (as in the latter part of this past week) begun to walk the the stairs at lunch. I’ll walk up to the 6th floor, turn around, walk down to the basement, back up, then back down and out the garage to take a walk outside. Why not? (The first time I did it I thought my heart would pound right out of my chest!) Besides, I’m not a fan of elevators. Here’s 2 new reasons why: 1) On the close of my second day, I rode Elevator 1 from the 5th floor to the 1st. It’s customary for the elevator doors to open at the floor corresponding to the button you pushed, yes? Well, the ride’s over and the doors didn’t open. I stood there thinking, “huh, what’s up with this… the door will open… now….” only it didn’t and I’m thinking, only for a split second, “shit! what if I’m stuck in here?“. I pressed the 1st floor button a couple of times. Nothing. They say 3rd time’s a charm. It was. The door opened. Well, since I’d yet to decide about taking the stairs, that little episode convinced me not to ride Elevator 1! Which leaves Elevator 2. One day early last week, my 2nd week (and before the stair “challenge”), I arrived at work and rode up in Elevator 2. As soon as I see the 5 light up and the bell ding, I’m standing in front of the doors. Waiting to exit. And I’m waiting. And waiting. WTF! I press the 5 button. Nothing. I press it again. Nothing. I press it a 3rd time and presto, chango! the doors open. What the hell is up with that?!

7) Music. Need I say more? OK… access to all the music😀

8) Lizzi Lewis for creating this bloghop and keeping it going after so many years. Often a thing created loses energy over time regardless of our fondness for it.

9) The realization that no matter how long my absence, when I return to the virtual world, all the people I’ve grown fond of and some newer people I’ve only just begun to know, are still there/here. Still writing. Still creating. Still present. How wonderful is that:)

10) This day. Right now. Each minute moving forward. The knowledge that there are resources available to me to assist me in doing anything, should I know where to look; should I have the energy and the inclination. Should I believe.

“All that it is, is what it is”. The challenge? Not to focus on what isn’t. 

Wait! Me! Pick Me, Girlie!!

But what do I do? What do I write? You’d think I’d never done this before. Ya know, write a post. At my blog. Yeah, that’s right. I have a blog. It’s called GirlieOnTheEdge and I have been for oh, so very long…

So what’s been happening? A lot! That much I’ve garnered from my whirlwhind scans of the ‘net and the FB. I’ve stopped occaisionally to read but very little. Why? What an excellent question! I offer no excuses for I do not believe in them. I do, however, accept that sometimes there are circumstances.

Are there any to support my lack of involvement in this, my other life? My irl life? Why….no. I didn’t think so. First up. Thanks to my friend, the inimitable Lizzi Lewis!

1 is the lonliest number. 2 Mondays ago, I checked my P.O.Box. There, within the dark, narrow receptacle, lay a key. The key tag said there was a package in Box 6. I was puzzled. ? And then I remembered! I eagerly opened the box and there! a shrink wrapped package that, sure’ nuff, felt like a book! and who doesn’t get excited over the prospect of receiving a book?! Thank you Lizzi for being you. For thinking of me.  For sending me Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats. Just becuase😀

1x bitten, 2x shy. Clarity and revelation. You would think this to be item number 2 when in fact, I claim by right of SBOR/BOSR (rule # escapes me now. Zoe? help?), this to be items 2 and 3. I’m grateful, most of the time, for those sunbursts of clarity as to what life really is. While I’m immensely, please don’t take it away, thankful to still be breathing, in good health (as far as I know today), thankful for knowing all of you, thankful to be aware of opportunity, I am also hypo-grateful for the revelation part. Sometimes I think the 7 4 Horsemen enjoy showing me the “here’s how it could have been, should have been, look what you’ve got now Girlie, good job. But what it is, is all that it is, and sometimes, the big reveal is not very palatable . Objectively, seeing behind the curtain is a good thing. But in all the ways we know to be more “human”, it’s a fucking bad thing. (yo, I’m a clark). And so, at the end of this little self-indulgent, sure I’ll take a little cheese with that, outburst is the knowledge that I’m not alone. That and the fact that, with a little practice, I can stem the tide of negativity (and self indulgence), swim against that tide, and find my way back to the shore of sanity. (Good thing I learned to swim at an early age, eh? lol)

4/20. No! Not anymore lol. But I could tell you of a tradition observed every Friday at noon on the quadrangle of the University of Rhode Island (when I attended). The thanks? For laptop and access to the internet! The amazing vehicle by which anything and everything to know, read, listen to and watch, is at my very fingertips! Yay!!!!!!!!

5Side Note. My wordpress doesn’t allow comments when you hover over links. It hasn’t for a long time. I miss that. Suffice it to say, I’ve often seen the triple 5’s. Mostly in the form of time. 5:55. Alot. Do I believe in the Angel stuff and numerology? Hey, I’m a clark, I can believe in anything:) Who wouldn’t be thankful for that!

Six. Thanks be to/for the Cat.

7. the Wakefield Doctrine. A most helpful life tool.

8. Warm weather! Finally. A couple of weeks ago I put away all of my winter sweaters. I remember it was a Sunday. Unbelievably, the next day I had to pull one out of the box. Then another….and another! Let me tell you what – I started paying attention to the weather forecast a little more closely after that. lol  Happily I can report that today our temperatures will be darn close to 80. It appears Spring has arrived for good:) The trees are rapidly budding, flowers appear to have more company….nice.

9 in the Pocket. Sorry to say, lunchtime billiards have yet to materilize but I have slowly (real slow) started back to lunchtime walks. Good to get outside in the middle of the work day.

10. I woke up. That’s always a good start to the day and always I am thankful for another opportunity. In spite of all that my mind would tell me, in spite of the battle between what is and what was and what never will be, I still have an opportunity to be better, do better, help someone else find the better.

Enjoy the day. It’s about this day. This moment. It’s about choice...

Door Half Open? or Half Closed? It’s Ten Thankfuls Time

Greetings and welcome to GirlieOnTheEdge. I’d like to thank Lizzi and her last comment here at Girlie for helping me decide today’s video. It’s one I’ve used in a past post and one of my favorite Halestorm songs. So, to Lizzi and her bloghop, Ten Things of Thankful, and to Everyone “out there”, here’s to us….

Several months ago, I agreed to sign up and participate in a 5k walk/run for a local elementary school. A friend of mine’s daughter works there and of course was looking for “volunteers”, good cause, etc, etc. Being a clark and all, this wasn’t on the top of my list of “things to do” on a Saturday morning lol. May I say, now that it’s done, I’m glad I joined in the fun (did I mention I had to be there at 7 am!!!). In spite of my oversleeping, plumbing problems (I fixed temporarily? for my landlordess. not!), no coffee, rain and cold temperatures…yes, I’m glad to have participated. That is TF numero uno.

Lessee….my 2nd item might have been a TF for the last of cold weather but wait! After experiencing a gorgeous 81 degrees here yesterday, Tuesday is supposed to be…like 49. What is up with that?! But it is wonderful to see the grass so green, the flowers and trees blooming. Yeah, it’s nice. Spring is here.

3. Backstory aside, I’m thankful to live with, and have as a landlord, a genuinely kind, pleasant and generous young woman. It gets a tad “hectic” with the 9 yr old sometimes, (she’s also my Spanish tutor and did I mention she was 9? and I’m pretty sure a scott? lol) but hey, it’s all good.

4. You know, I’ve expressed thanks for my job, for employment but I don’t think I’ve actually included my co-workers. Office staff, attorneys, I can honestly say I like them all! Everyone is great and as small as our group is (and getting smaller) I’m greatful to work with such a pleasant, hard working group.

Give me a 5 spot, we’re halfway through! So speaking of this great bunch of people I work with – one of my friends there (who sits next to me) were talking one day with one of the attorneys. When the 3 of us get talking you  never know what topic might be brought up (thanks to “J” of course. I’ll blame it all on her lol). Anyway, come to find out she’s been shooting pool (or is that playing billiards) since she was way young. We traded stories from our past and now! we both are going to (make an attempt to) take it up again….during our lunch hour. Yay!

6. Being overwhelmed by reading material. This is really a combo TF and HTF (hypo-thankful). While I adore the easy availability of copius, seemingly endless amounts of reading material, it has dismayed me lo these many months, that I’ve been unable to do much reading of any of it at all!

7) Gym membership. It’s slow going. Still only making it 3 days a week but I’m hoping by tagging along with my niece to a BodyPump class I can kick (no pun intended) my fitness goals into higher gear.

8! The sky is looking lighter outside my window…is it?…could it…?:)

9. the Wakefield Doctrine.

10. Waking up again today. And participating.

Life at one time or other presents challenges. Big, small. Devestating…Somehow, find a way to step out. Out of the room, out of the house, out of your own self and take a chance. A leap of faith. Participate. In the world. Out there. You may be surprised at the benefits a little “forced” participation may provide.