The Edge of Yesterday & 100 TToTs

Get this -my cell just started ringing. I picked it up off the bed where it was laying next to me. Split second surprise and then my mouth slowly stretched into a smile. Seems I was calling myself. No shit. The caller ID on the phone identified the number as mine. Now what is so damned important that I be calling my self? LOL Wait! Could it have been my alter ego? She could have been on the other end of the line. Guess I should have picked it up, eh?

Funny isn’t it? When life gets challeging, weird stuff starts to happen. Or maybe we’re just tuned in better to possibilities like your phone suddenly calling itself. Out of the blue. Or maybe, it’s just an anything can happen day.

Look what I found on the youtube last night! Talk about favorite movies….

Thankfuls 1-5: Youtube, the person who uploaded Desperado for us to watch free, Quentin and Robert, William Hjortsberg and Alan Parker, Micky Rourke.

Lighter? You say I need some lighter thankfuls? How ’bout these: I’m thankful to have a job that allows me to walk during my 15 minute break(s). Please note: I’ve never taken one of those 2 15 minute breaks allowed for folks in the “9-5″ world in my entire life. Until we moved to the new office.

Our new place is located in an office park with lovely landscaping and trees and a walking path. Quite nice for an urban area. Yo! Didja get that? I’m thinking there’s 2 thankfuls right there. Let’s add a 3rd one and make it a triad of work related thankfuls. Last Wednesday or Thursday I was out walking with a co-worker and as we were winding up our mile+ walk break there came a rustling sound nearby. We looked towards the sound to see a family of geese waddling out from under the pine trees and through the parking lot! One parent goose in the lead followed by a single file of 6 babies of the same size, little light brown bundles of fuzz. And then there was #7. He or she was the very obvious runt of the litter, er gaggle. The other parent protectively brought up the rear. It was so adorable! (I know Lizzi, Christine and Dyanne. No proof no credit lol. Phone is on the way real soon. Promise!)

Hey… how in the world did I get to 9 already?! Mine is not to question. Accept. Move on. Move forward. Which is what the Ten Things of Thankful blog hop has done for 100 weeks. 100 Lizzi. 100 :)

10) I’m thankful for another day. How can I not?

My phone started ringing tonight. It’s never too late for a “wake up” call….even from your self.

How Do You Say “Carpe Diem” in EdgeSpeak?

Pay attention kids! Just because this film is one of the best on the planet and next to Pulp Fiction, one of my most favorite movies is beside the point. If, when you look at how long this vid is and starting thinking “mmm…kinda too long, got to get going…”, fast forward the clip to 3:20. Start if from there. And listen. Closely.

It’s shit like this, in movies like this, coming from characters….like these that hits you. Hits you hard. Intense? I think so. If you have the stomach, look at your life. See it. And remember all the times you didn’t act.

When Retrospect holds up the biggest damned, mf’ing magnifying glass and shoves it in your face, you better be prepared to act. Because it’s true. One day you’re just too fucking old.

Right now, at 5:44 am I should be farther along in my “morning prep”. I took a moment to reply to comments left at my post on Sunday. I need to thank Christine. Something in her comment swirled around in my brain like a 2 flavor combo soft serve and made me realize – this weekend I did not act. I hesitated. I waited. And for that, I lost out. Big time. Thank you again Christine for being an inspiration today (and making me late for work LOL).

If you do nothing today, stop and pay attention. Grab the big mirror and make sure what you’re looking at is you. Who you want to be. Where you want to be. ‘Cuz one day….


1 Ferry. 2 Trains. I Made It To The Edge.

Yesterday, I’d set the alarm for 5:30 am. A whopping 75 minutes later than every other day. Should I have been surprised I barely heard the tiny alarm bells ringing not 2 feet from my ear? My body could have slept for another hour easily but….it was a day I’d “planned” (to a certain extent). I found quite quickly my “plans” had fallen apart. The ink had barely dried when I discovered my timetable of events got all kinds of blown to hell.

But! I had a “plan” b. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but in case you don’t remember. I eliminated the word “plan” from my vocabulary some years back. I don’t normally use it in conversation. If pressed I will refer to it (the concept of “plan”) as an “option”.  Option sounds more…flexible. More amenable to alteration without the implication of failure. Ya know?

I stepped out into an early morning mist. Spring it seems was being stubborn! Harboring the sun behind dark, pillowy clouds, she spat on the earth in disgusted bouts of selfishness. Sluggish, the clouds hung heavy and threatened their own retaliation. I would not be dissuaded. No sir.

My frist T-ful is that once I embarked upon the non “plan” nka “option”, the sky gradually cleared it’s throat (where did that come from? gross!) to reveal a gorgeous sky of youthful blue. Hey! You know this is a Ten Things of Thankful, right? I mean, it may be late but it’s still the weekend!

Blues skies, blue car. What more could a Girlie ask for as she heads out and away from the city on a Saturday morning. First stop, hair cut. Been 6 months since my last one. Now that my office has moved to MD, I don’t have the convenience of going down to the 1st floor anymore to get my hair done. 2.5″ off the length, 1″ off the top. I love it! That was going to be my #2 but I’ve got to amend that. No wait! I’ll retract that amendment and raise you my #3.

I’ve only been going to this stylist for about a year. It’s not like we’re best friends. But I get her. I like her. And she’s a clark. With a strong secondary scottian aspect. And so we relate. When she was ready for me, we greeted each like long lost friends. We chatted a bit about what to do style wise. She remembered that the last time I was in to see her was under sad circumstances. She remembered I’d had a death in the family. I didn’t expect that. Here’s the thing I’m grateful for. Her hug. So out of the freakin’ blue. Once finished doing my hair, she walked me to the front desk to check out. We had the parting chit chat, “no, I’m good on the products yada, yada” and suddenly she walks over and gives me a damned hug. I hugged her back. I don’t know why she did that but it was nice. Maybe she could sense I needed one. I don’t know.

4. Did I mention the weather? And that I was driving away from the hustle bustle? However long or short I headed towards Leesburg and turned on to the Rt 15 bypass. I’d heard about a little ferry that ran across the Potomac River to Maryland. I’ve got nowhere else to be why not! 5 miles off of Rt 7, I hung a right on White’s Ferry Rd. a narrow, winding road that cuts through expansive farmland. Very much a country road. As I approach the part with a sharp curve I see a deer standing in the middle of it (the road, not the farmland). She looks at me and doesn’t get out of the way until I’m almost on top of her. It was breathtaking. So pretty. So peaceful. Road and doe.

5. I’m thankful I enjoy driving and seeing new places. Most importantly, I’m thankful I drive well. I used to think that maybe I was a race car driver in a past life. lol Not that I drive really fast. It’s not about the speed.

I’m only at 6 and I’ve got a rambling 670 words! Even I’m falling asleep. OK. Let’s get all scottian and put this baby (and Girlie) to bed. Number 6! Being all caught up at work. I’ve been doing the work of 2 since my partner in crime semi-retired. She will be working PT from home beginning tomorrow. Yeah. I’m jealous :)

7) Sunday. I slept until, what? 7? If not, it was close to it. This weekend has been a challenge. It’s been a weekend where I wanted to see what I couldn’t. Except once you want a thing it looms larger than life inside your head. Unless you can distract yourself and somehow still be prepared. Without trying. No! That was not very scottian at all! LOL

8) I drove to Manassas today to sell my car (the now extra one). I drove there not having a ride back to Alexandria. I didn’t let secondary factors keep me from my primary objective. If you don’t ask the question, you can’t really know the answer. Sometimes you get surprised. I asked for a ride to the Vienna Metro. I got a ride to the Vienna Metro. Which brings me to the 2 trains. Orange Line to Blue Line.

And my #9. The train rides were good. I like riding trains. They’re very much like tubular time capsules, little escapes hatches. For you hockey fans? Seems the Caps were playing tonight. I know this only from seeing no less than 30 people standing on the platform in pretty much the same team jersey. Apparently a lot of people like No. 8. (hold on. did a google search. aha! it’s the playoffs). Can’t seem to drag out the scott in me so I shall slog on. I’ve saved the best for last. You see, once I arrived at the Franconia-Springfield station, I was still without a ride. Well, my dr. told me a year ago I needed to walk. So today I did. I’m guessing 5 miles or so. It may have taken me 1.5 hours to walk from the metro station but you know what? I’m so very thankful I’m physically able to do such things.

Last, but never least, is my #10 thankful for another day. As I walked this evening, I realized how lucky I am. In spite of less than optimum life circumstances, all of what I needed today was made available to me. If you look in the right direction, there’s a good chance you can see what it is you can’t always see…



Dancing On The Edge-Line

Thanks fristly to Dave, Bud & Marty. Breadline is one of my favorite Megadeath songs. The other one? Symphony of Destruction. (duh) That 2nd one? Makes me smile every time. So wide I used to laugh. Speaking of laughter, be sure to be on the lookout over at the Doctrine. Clark will surely write about “pre-emptive denigration”. Yes, it will be horrifically enlightening as to the workings within a clark’s personal reality.

Hey! Whatsay I make youtube my 2nd thankful. Makes sense to me. A virtual corn’ocopia of time capsul-ettes. What a freakin’ genius idea!! Music is always a thankful. Thinking back on the week….commuting music. Used to be if I heard Metallica on the radio, on the way to work, I could be assured of a good day. Hearing this on Friday’s return commute? Hm. In my unconsciousassignsignificancetosongsandlyricseventsmoments, “what’s that mean?” lol?

Me. Yeah. Can’t believe I’m writing this but what the fuck. The reason me? I had the idea to write a blog a long time ago. Surely, a huge personal challenge.The journey has been spotty, fraught with “life events”, maturing. In spite of not writing much any more, the jewel bestowed up me was that it put me in touch with many individuals with whom I would never have had the opportunity to “meet”. Through them, my world has gotten bigger, brighter. And it makes me feel good. You guys. You know who you are and I say “thank you“.

Faith. The ability to believe. In anything. Number 4.

5. Another day. Today. This day. Now. Whatever is outside the door. It’s mine to make of it what I will. To see the things I can’t see… to do, without doing.

Halfway to the “finish line”. This is a weekend bloghop, oui? As it turns out, I have special dispensation from the Guard Virgins (especially from the newest one) to return tomorrow to share in my next 5 things of thankful.

Look whose back?! I said I’d return today with 5 thankfuls – the balance of 10.

6) B.B. King. More specifically this album. Thank you B.B. Thank you. I read yesterday that B.B. is in hospice care at his home. He is most definitely a thankful. His music is part of the tapestry of my life.

7) Reminders. Not the ones to pick up milk or the dry cleaning. The reminders that surround us every day should we dare, deign or care to look. No, make that see. There is no second act, no second chance. This is it people. Let me tell you from experience, fuck it up and well, if you think life was a challenge before…..

8) the Wakefield Doctrine. Holy shit damn. Really. Every young clark on the planet needs to know the Doctrine. Now.

9) Beautiful weekend weather!

10) AUTOPILOT. Hm. Is this really a thankful? There are times when I’m glad my body functions on autopilot. But then….it can be pretty scary after the fact LOL Do you ever find yourself driving in your car with one destination in mind but then realize you’re on the road going in another direction because, well, you go that way so often? I think there’s a life lesson in this somewhere….now where’s that damn map?……

What are you waiting for? Get out there. It’s all yours…..

Standing At the L-Edge of Tomorrow

Ever feel as if it’s too late to catch up? I”m thinkin’ (cause that’s what I do first, being a clark) it’s too late for me. I was always up on the latest….everything. You name it, I knew about it. Maybe not everything, but pretty darned close. This Girlie was always current with movies, books, fashion trends (not that I’ve ever dressed totally by what’s in ‘cuz, ya know, clark), electronics,….technology. I knew the “buzz”.

You see where this is headed, don’t you? Yeah, I’ve known for quite some time now that I’m woefully behind in the ways of smartphones, computers and tech gadgets. *sigh* For some reason, it hit me Friday morning. In the form of an e-mail from Pinterest.  I don’t go to Pinterest. Don’t know anything about Pinterest. I just pin my and other people’s blog posts. ‘Nuff said.

OK. So the e-mail wanted me to meet my “Pin Twin”. WTH? What is a “Pin Twin”? And why after all these years I’m being told of this?! Shouldn’t I have been made aware I had a twin a long time ago?! Dammit! According to Pinterest, my “pin twin” is none other than Kristi Campbell! This made me smile. Sure, she and I like a lot of the same music. She’s a clark, I’m a clark…got to wonder. Hey Kristi! Did you get the same e-mail about me? LOL

This brings me to my first of 10. The internet. (Bite me. I can list the internet again and again or every week if I want to.) But it’s not simply the wonders of the web. It’s the reminder that my world is as large or small as I make it. I’m continually amazed when I find myself at a new blog, don’t know how I got there, but see someone I know who has left a comment. The sentence that comes to mind? “Wow, it’s a small world”.

Segundo. The love of small humans. And them inviting me into their world. Last weekend I once again got to enjoy the company of my niece’s 2 little boys. As a testament to her and her husband, they are without prejudice, 2 of the sweetest, thoughtful nephews an aunt could have.(go ahead, give me an “aww”) The coolest part of this is that I know how these little guys relate themselves to the world! The oldest, a roger. Through and through. His younger brother? A scott. So very, very scottian, lol

Numero tres is an odd one. The fact that my work week did not end on Friday. As a result, I need to quick hurry this post so I can get to work! (sorry, got to leave you hanging on the why of this. suffice it to say, it’s an opportunity to change my world)

4.) Learning new things on the computer, about the computer. Which allows me to include a post from ivywalker fka zoe

Cinco de mayo. That it’s not going to rain today like predicted. Of course that remains to be seen but it’s not raining now and that’s all that matters!

Six and counting. Weekend work commute is not the hell that the M-F commute is!

Sept. Sales on fruit. A girlie thankful I suppose, but I love when everything starts to come into season:) Sure sign that non winter weather is imminent.

8.) Cereal! As in cold, breakfast.

Nine. Pepto Bismol. The original. No generics. The real deal.

Zehn Another day.

Later people. It’s off to work. See you on the flipside! Make today count. It’s your choice.

Saturdays, Sun and GirlieOnTheEdge. What’s Wrong with That?

Nothing my friends. Absolutely, nothing! In fact, it sounds pretty darned good to me. I had a friend remind me this morning that there is nothing that can’t be written about. While conversing, I made an off the cuff comment and he said “See! Right there. That could be a post”. That was the sentence that was made.

I agreed whole heartedly and told myself that as soon as the conversation ended, I would begin that very post. Oh! I make myself laugh. Do you know that almost an hour later, a load of laundry gurgitating, dishes washed, coffee long since consumed….I forgot the most wonderful topic of which to write. Dammit!

Perhaps I was distracted by the “tasks”?. Perhaps it was the disruption of my routine? I’ve never done laundry at 10:0 am on a Saturday. Never mind the 10:00 am part, laundry on a Saturday! I’m not crazy. But wait! I’m a clark, so yeah, I qualify for the “crazy”. LOL

There’s a conflict raging like a coastal no’easter inside me this morning.  But wait! Outside of my 4 walls is the sun, full octane, now pretty high in the sky. Projected temp? 81! Wha? Seesaw, rollercoastering temps in the mid-Atlantic but I’m not complaining. No sir. Not me. But it is the source of a bit of discomfort.  I’ve somehow tricked myself into assigning worth/value/progress of my life to seasonal changes. They’re a marker of time, non? Door #1 has been opened.

In the spirit of full disclosure (“cuz that’s what I decided on January 1, 2015, that this year was gonna be about), I will tell you that I struggle now. With it all. As so many of us do. There is no one without personal challenge. On a variety of levels. How we approach those challenges, what we do “about them” is personal (and sometimes not). In the end it’s our own responsibility to deal or not deal. With life.

Lizzi, as we all know, is the person responsible for giving life to the blog hop known as the Ten Things of Thankful. As such, today I’m feeling this as my first thankful. That she reminds us of the immense value of publicly giving thanks. It serves not only as reminder/catharsis for our own damn selves but I find it is helpful to read of others’ thanks. The hop is a doorway. We open it is as wide as we are willing and sometimes able.

2) Family is most certainly a thankful. In all it’s forms. In all it’s complexities (nice word for fuckuptedness at times). I have found my own sense of family out here, on the internet. I know! What a weird thing coming from a clark who for the last 5 years has been so…shall we say “private”.

3) The weather. Truly. Right now. These last few days of burgeoning blossoming trees and flowers and budding bushes. Glorious “first” days of spring. Last night I took a short walk. Half the sky was stormy the other half breaking through with end of day sun. A few sprinkles, then not. The odor of earth, the aroma of new bloom. It was a sensory overload of springlike sensation.

4) The ability to more quickly recognize, and be aware of, the “traps” of self sabatoge and self defeat.

5) The acknowledgement that I’ve progressed on a personal level of being more aware of how others relate themselves to the world. Most of you guys know about the Wakefield Doctrine. If there’s any new folks reading, the Wakefield Doctrine, the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers is a way of looking at life. More specifically, looking at how the people in our lives relate themselves to the world that surrounds us all. It’s also the best life tool I’ve ever come across.

6) My lock in age. Since Clark brought it up earlier in the week for one of his alphabet soup posts, I’ll just say it. Frought with those traps I alluded to in #4, it’s also kind of cool. It actually provides me a sense of security. I don’t really have to wonder what I’ll be like at 80 should I reach that age. I already know:)

7) Music and film will always be a thankful. They require certain senses so in conjunction, I try never to take for granted my ability to not only look, but see. To not only hear, but listen.

8) My physical self as it is. I’m thankful not to be flat out in a bed. If I can walk. I can do much more.

9) Employment and transportation. 2 components in life that are often taken for granted. Until one doesn’t have either one. I’ve been lucky and blessed with regards to transportation. However, I have been among the multitudes who have not been/are not advantaged with employment or the ability to self-employ.

10) Another day. Now. Presently. Today.

Get up people. Right now. And go do something. Something not routine. Something different. Switch it up. You may not always have that opportunity. Experience the world….differently.