Gifts Abound! Who Needs to For-Edge?!

Yesterday was a total surprise. The “men” of weather had been proselytizing a rainy, downpour ridden, stormy day. And, I was looking forward to it. In anticipation. I awakened early with a hungry, nay, lustful feeling about the impending first day of the weekend.

It was one of those mornings I’d had at least 3 or 4 posts half written in my head. Perfectly written I might unashamedly add. At least in my mind’s eye :) It was a day I more or less planned to “hide out”. Rainy days are perfect excuses for that, are they not? That was the “option” (don’t believe in “plan” for the obvious – do they ever work out? does anyone ever really have the “plan b”? no. no they don’t).

Without getting into it, because it would take a gazillion words to even try to explain/express it, I’ll simply say the weather was reflective of how I was feeling. However! I wasn’t without galoshes. (no, I don’t really call them that and never have in irl…but I like the sound of it lol)

Friday night was my first night back in the room of re-direction. I’d been house sitting for my niece and her family since the previous Sunday. The after effects of my little “vacation” can be found in those gazillion words I referenced above. In spite of swirling, billowing, spirals of retrospection threatening to turn into a funnel cloud (would have preferred a funnel cake) I slept pretty well.

Damn! if you’re not right! This is rather boring. OK. Go ahead. You can tell me. I can take it man. I can take it! So what the hell am I trying to spit out here? (See?! See?! This is what happens when you stop writing. You lose any modicum of ability you thought you may have had and then struggle with a case of the stupids.) What I’m trying to say is that yesterday I anticipated the day going one way and the day had other ideas. Well, there was one pre-planned event. The First Ever Live TToT Video Bloghop at 10:30 am EST. And that, my friends takes FRIST on this my list of 10.

TWO – Already stoked by my alter-ego (name kept secret to protect her identity) I was happy to join in with Zoe, Val, Michelle, Kristi and Clark. Later joined by Lisa and then Joy. It was great to see some of the old crowd from Friday vid chats of old and absolutely fantastic meeting Kristi and Val.

I left the chat a little before the 1 hour mark. Had some errands to run and figured I could beat the expected torrential downpours, get out early and back in plenty of time to “hide out”, ie read. Write. Read. Write….

THREE – that I didn’t pan-z out and not go because of the threat of severe weather. Hell, I’m alive aren’t I? Isn’t that the point? Go out… feel and experience weather and outdoors and….life?

FOUR – switching it up a little. Sure, errands are errands but I actually had thoughts of doing other things like visiting a Rare/Used Book Shop I spotted not far from where I now live. Or stopping into a consignment shop I discovered by accident a couple of weeks ago (except on the opposite side of “town”). Even though I didn’t do either of those two things (I was practical instead, dammit) I’m thankful to have had those thoughts almost commondeer my day. Had the weather been different? So too the day.

FIVE – feeling happy, in spite of driving in torrents of rain (my timing was bad. or maybe it was the rain’s timing), that I was getting the nagging, Saturday errands out of the way…because……I could get back early enough to laze out on this dark and stormy gift of a day to write and read or! maybe *gasp* watch television.

SIX – I may not have been commondeered by spontaeous thought but I was by my new landlady and her 8 year old daughter. Due to our different schedules we don’t see each other during the week. After I put some of my “errands” in the fridge, I eagerly made my way towards the stairs. It was time to get into “hide out” mode. I walked through the living room where mother and daughter were comfortably hanging on the couch in perfect rainy, Saturday form. We started to chat. To my complete surprise her daughter asked me if I’d like to watch a movie. Hm…rainy day… movie. But what about the “hiding out?”. I didn’t give it a second thought! Suddenly, my rogerian self, all chatty kathyized, said sure! We settled on an ancient movie, Hook. We ate popcorn, the kid fell asleep and I had a very enjoyable afternoon.

SEVEN SEAS – eventually, I found myself in the r-o-r.  You know what?  I found that the feelings from the morning – the ones of loss, escape and imagination had been magically supplanted by rain and unexpected invitations. My desire to indulge in reservoirs of creative despair no longer had a place in the day.

EIGHT IS ENOUGH – had to write that. I don’t remember who mentioned the now late, 8 is Enough Dad in their TTOT post last weekend but how eery that Dick Van Patton died this past week. OK. Don’t know what the h dbl l is going on but I think I’m still feeling like, like, I think I’m feeling…like being social *surprise gasp*. But I’m a clark!

NINE – weight. As in I believe I have a new weight below which I won’t go. The new and improved range is 110-112. Go me!

TEN: Another sunrise, another sunset. Another opportunity.

Warning! “Forced Dump” in Progress. Please. Move Closer to the Edge.

What do you do when circumstances force you to utter/scream/mutter or otherwise say to yourself…”life has become untenable!” What does that even mean?

I spoke those words not too long ago. Not pleasantly and not without expletives. Was it simply the culmination of a day’s worth of “little things”? Or were those “little things” a gift to precipitate a needed “forced dump”? Nice term. Those 2 words appeared in white capital letters against a lovely blue *gasp* background when I turned on my laptop.

Before the screen went black I stared in horror only to spot one other significant word – “crash”. How many times can you can you endure a “forced dump”, survive a “crash”?

3 days later…..

I guess multiple times. At least I can. You know what I say to “enduring”? FUCK THAT SHIT. clarks are famous for the “endurance” thing. Let me give you youngins’ a tip: endurance is a trap. Yuppers. A trap. I’m not talking about enduring traffic on the way to the beach or the discomfort getting your teeth worked on. I’m talking about the “bigger” stuff. The “life” stuff. (thank God for quotation marks!)

What is the point of it? Yeah, yeah, I know. There are times/situations/events that require us to “bite the bullet”, “bide our time” etc. But at what point do you recognize that endurance has simply become a coping tool. Even an escape. From the bullshit that is facing you.

Damn! I’ve got to remember that most folks have “normal” lives. Living life in an orderly, secure fashion. Fortunately, for me (or unfortunately) I know of no one personally waking up each day to a seemingly impossible challenge. But hey! here’s to us! Since this is not a “regular” post but a TTandT post, I’m giving my #1 thanks to that – no one I know is “challenged” today except for the more ordinary stuff. (but if you are, know you can come to this place, the Edge, for a virtual ear, shoulder, temporary respite….empathy.) Alright, let’s get on with this thing.

Deuces wild: the incredible sky last night over the City of Alexandria, VA. Holy shit, it was phenomenally scary and totally invigorating. I swear I looked at it and saw slow motion, barely perceptible, rotation. I looked around at the stupid amount of traffic and wondered…is anybody else seeing all this? Are they even looking?

Triad: as in clark, scott, roger? Sure, wtf. Don’t know what I would be like for not having known/knowing the Wakefield Doctrine. Go check out the Doctrine’s TToT.

Quartering in the fifth (no clue what that means) The sun is shining at this moment as I race to conclude this post so that I can stand in the searing sun to watch Nephew 10 play soccer in this, the elimination round of the playoffs. Part of me does not want him to win lol. Means going back this afternoon for more sticky weather.

A fifth of vodka. No. Thank you. (Vodka was my alcohol of choice in my younger, party days. I don’t seem to imbibe much now that I’m older.) Lessee….that I’m not a Zombie. (see the “Triad”, go read the comments)

Six can be Nine, here at the TToT. Why? SBOR/BOSR. That’s why! For moments in time as in last weekend, after having done the movie/sleepover thing with the nephews and family. Sunday, out in the backyard, 6 yr old asks “Aunt Denise? Want to help me catch fireflys? Me: Sure, as long as we don’t kill them!” 

10 spot: the day that is now. Here. Where I will take a stand. Figure it out people. Figure it out. Today is the only day. Be well, be happy. Live. Now.

Fighting to the Edge.

Thanks be to this, my #1 of the #Ten Things of Thankful Blog Hop. Never heard of Rachel Platten or Fight Song prior to this past Thursday (or was that Wednesday). Why TF? It was another glimpse into a co-worker I’ve never met in person. (she works out of another office). Last week was particularly grueling with seemingly impossible amounts of work = deadlines. Over the lync, “C” gave thanks for having music and to that, I so relate. This was what got her through. Go “C”!

#2 but certainly not secondary, I’m thankful to all those readers, new and regular, visiting GirlieOnTheEdge. I’ve not been reciprocating and I thank you for understanding. I’m not one to offer excuses but sometimes there are circumstances.

Tres Amigos. Friends to remind me to look for the things I may not be seeing – opportunities often occluded by familiarity and routine.

4 qtrs = 1 the Wakefield Doctrine.

5. The local H Mart. I recently moved to a new area. This is one of the local Asian markets. The produce and vegetables are amazing! Now, if I only cooked lol

6, seven, 8 or 11? Nephew 10’s soccer team is playing in the All Star Tournament next weekend.

7. Sound sleep. I don’t know what it is about where I now reside, but I sleep so soundly it’s scary! It feels really good. I never knew how much I missed a “good night’s sleep”.

8. A new found inclination to ask for things (for my own self). I’m a huge fan now of “just ask. what’s the worst they can say, no?…..yes?!”

Nine. Ninth Gate? Inch Nails? Summer. Finally. Arrived.

#10 Today. This day.

Edge-ucation in the Ring of Life. TToT Time

Someone tell me “what” Roni is. A clark? scott? roger? This is the very first music video I watched of him. It was tough finding personal interviews. Granted I haven’t tried too hard but I did find one. Actually, it’s a combination of a 46 second clip of one interview and a longer 2nd interview. Between these two there should be enough “evidence” to determine how Roni relates himself to the world.

So what do you think? Me, I’m thinking there’s enough in the first clip. Maybe. The 2nd clip? He’s wearing sunglasses. Damn! Can’t check the eyes/eye contact. What else? Personal pronouns. Couldn’t really note those because the interviewer seemed to do most of the talking. (hidden clue!) Body language?

This morning was one of those open up the u tube and see what was “hand picked” for my viewing pleasure today. Where Roni Benise came from I cannot say. I’ve not searched flamenco or spanish guitar in, well, got to be over a year. Who does not LOVE the YouTube. It’s both amazing and dangerous, addictive and exhilarating.

Today, I’m all about keeping it simple. The thanks?:

– The TToT Blog Hop. If it wasn’t for this hop, would I write anymore?

– 1 week ago today, I left the “Room of Refuge”. There was a deadline. Deadline met. I now reside in what I now call a “Room of Re-Direction”. If I give into it, I ponder the wonder I did not grow to choose/find myself in the rogerian worldview. How much “easier” life would have been! (not really but gee, it’s how I feel sometimes:D)

the Wakfield Doctrine. Life tool extrodinaire. I’ve come to realize I can do a heck of a lot more when it comes to relating myself to the world and those around me. Because, well, ya know. Know how another relates themselves to the world and you’re halfway there!

– 8 or so miles up the Beltway! That’s right folks. The bain of driving existence (one of them lol) in NOVA is the Capital Beltway. The new digs are 1 mile off the Beltway and have cut my commute (morning only) to a more reasonable 40 minutes. On a good day. Wish I could say the evening commute was substantially better. It is, but not by much. No, really, I’m thankful for being a little further up the Beltway!

#’s 5-6 – My job and my car to get me there. I could complain that, between my commute and workload the last couple of weeks, I pretty much have no time except to sleep, but I won’t. That is for me to figure out. One step at a time.

– Clark’s contribution to the on going “collaborative” story over at Roger’s Rag. His “chapter” has risen the bar for my own self. Participating in story writing is a challenge to say the least!

– 2 Mile Run

– this weekend’s weather. We boomeranged out of a momentary lapse of seasonal confusion back to more consistent time of year weather :D

– One more day. It is the only day. It is the first day. It is the last day.

The Edge of Yesterday & 100 TToTs

Get this -my cell just started ringing. I picked it up off the bed where it was laying next to me. Split second surprise and then my mouth slowly stretched into a smile. Seems I was calling myself. No shit. The caller ID on the phone identified the number as mine. Now what is so damned important that I be calling my self? LOL Wait! Could it have been my alter ego? She could have been on the other end of the line. Guess I should have picked it up, eh?

Funny isn’t it? When life gets challeging, weird stuff starts to happen. Or maybe we’re just tuned in better to possibilities like your phone suddenly calling itself. Out of the blue. Or maybe, it’s just an anything can happen day.

Look what I found on the youtube last night! Talk about favorite movies….

Thankfuls 1-5: Youtube, the person who uploaded Desperado for us to watch free, Quentin and Robert, William Hjortsberg and Alan Parker, Micky Rourke.

Lighter? You say I need some lighter thankfuls? How ’bout these: I’m thankful to have a job that allows me to walk during my 15 minute break(s). Please note: I’ve never taken one of those 2 15 minute breaks allowed for folks in the “9-5″ world in my entire life. Until we moved to the new office.

Our new place is located in an office park with lovely landscaping and trees and a walking path. Quite nice for an urban area. Yo! Didja get that? I’m thinking there’s 2 thankfuls right there. Let’s add a 3rd one and make it a triad of work related thankfuls. Last Wednesday or Thursday I was out walking with a co-worker and as we were winding up our mile+ walk break there came a rustling sound nearby. We looked towards the sound to see a family of geese waddling out from under the pine trees and through the parking lot! One parent goose in the lead followed by a single file of 6 babies of the same size, little light brown bundles of fuzz. And then there was #7. He or she was the very obvious runt of the litter, er gaggle. The other parent protectively brought up the rear. It was so adorable! (I know Lizzi, Christine and Dyanne. No proof no credit lol. Phone is on the way real soon. Promise!)

Hey… how in the world did I get to 9 already?! Mine is not to question. Accept. Move on. Move forward. Which is what the Ten Things of Thankful blog hop has done for 100 weeks. 100 Lizzi. 100 :)

10) I’m thankful for another day. How can I not?

My phone started ringing tonight. It’s never too late for a “wake up” call….even from your self.

How Do You Say “Carpe Diem” in EdgeSpeak?

Pay attention kids! Just because this film is one of the best on the planet and next to Pulp Fiction, one of my most favorite movies is beside the point. If, when you look at how long this vid is and starting thinking “mmm…kinda too long, got to get going…”, fast forward the clip to 3:20. Start if from there. And listen. Closely.

It’s shit like this, in movies like this, coming from characters….like these that hits you. Hits you hard. Intense? I think so. If you have the stomach, look at your life. See it. And remember all the times you didn’t act.

When Retrospect holds up the biggest damned, mf’ing magnifying glass and shoves it in your face, you better be prepared to act. Because it’s true. One day you’re just too fucking old.

Right now, at 5:44 am I should be farther along in my “morning prep”. I took a moment to reply to comments left at my post on Sunday. I need to thank Christine. Something in her comment swirled around in my brain like a 2 flavor combo soft serve and made me realize – this weekend I did not act. I hesitated. I waited. And for that, I lost out. Big time. Thank you again Christine for being an inspiration today (and making me late for work LOL).

If you do nothing today, stop and pay attention. Grab the big mirror and make sure what you’re looking at is you. Who you want to be. Where you want to be. ‘Cuz one day….