Dancing On The Edge-Line

Thanks fristly to Dave, Bud & Marty. Breadline is one of my favorite Megadeath songs. The other one? Symphony of Destruction. (duh) That 2nd one? Makes me smile every time. So wide I used to laugh. Speaking of laughter, be sure to be on the lookout over at the Doctrine. Clark will surely write about “pre-emptive denigration”. Yes, it will be horrifically enlightening as to the workings within a clark’s personal reality.

Hey! Whatsay I make youtube my 2nd thankful. Makes sense to me. A virtual corn’ocopia of time capsul-ettes. What a freakin’ genius idea!! Music is always a thankful. Thinking back on the week….commuting music. Used to be if I heard Metallica on the radio, on the way to work, I could be assured of a good day. Hearing this on Friday’s return commute? Hm. In my unconsciousassignsignificancetosongsandlyricseventsmoments, “what’s that mean?” lol?

Me. Yeah. Can’t believe I’m writing this but what the fuck. The reason me? I had the idea to write a blog a long time ago. Surely, a huge personal challenge.The journey has been spotty, fraught with “life events”, maturing. In spite of not writing much any more, the jewel bestowed up me was that it put me in touch with many individuals with whom I would never have had the opportunity to “meet”. Through them, my world has gotten bigger, brighter. And it makes me feel good. You guys. You know who you are and I say “thank you“.

Faith. The ability to believe. In anything. Number 4.

5. Another day. Today. This day. Now. Whatever is outside the door. It’s mine to make of it what I will. To see the things I can’t see… to do, without doing.

Halfway to the “finish line”. This is a weekend bloghop, oui? As it turns out, I have special dispensation from the Guard Virgins (especially from the newest one) to return tomorrow to share in my next 5 things of thankful.

Look whose back?! I said I’d return today with 5 thankfuls – the balance of 10.

6) B.B. King. More specifically this album. Thank you B.B. Thank you. I read yesterday that B.B. is in hospice care at his home. He is most definitely a thankful. His music is part of the tapestry of my life.

7) Reminders. Not the ones to pick up milk or the dry cleaning. The reminders that surround us every day should we dare, deign or care to look. No, make that see. There is no second act, no second chance. This is it people. Let me tell you from experience, fuck it up and well, if you think life was a challenge before…..

8) the Wakefield Doctrine. Holy shit damn. Really. Every young clark on the planet needs to know the Doctrine. Now.

9) Beautiful weekend weather!

10) AUTOPILOT. Hm. Is this really a thankful? There are times when I’m glad my body functions on autopilot. But then….it can be pretty scary after the fact LOL Do you ever find yourself driving in your car with one destination in mind but then realize you’re on the road going in another direction because, well, you go that way so often? I think there’s a life lesson in this somewhere….now where’s that damn map?……

What are you waiting for? Get out there. It’s all yours…..

Standing At the L-Edge of Tomorrow

Ever feel as if it’s too late to catch up? I”m thinkin’ (cause that’s what I do first, being a clark) it’s too late for me. I was always up on the latest….everything. You name it, I knew about it. Maybe not everything, but pretty darned close. This Girlie was always current with movies, books, fashion trends (not that I’ve ever dressed totally by what’s in ‘cuz, ya know, clark), electronics,….technology. I knew the “buzz”.

You see where this is headed, don’t you? Yeah, I’ve known for quite some time now that I’m woefully behind in the ways of smartphones, computers and tech gadgets. *sigh* For some reason, it hit me Friday morning. In the form of an e-mail from Pinterest.  I don’t go to Pinterest. Don’t know anything about Pinterest. I just pin my and other people’s blog posts. ‘Nuff said.

OK. So the e-mail wanted me to meet my “Pin Twin”. WTH? What is a “Pin Twin”? And why after all these years I’m being told of this?! Shouldn’t I have been made aware I had a twin a long time ago?! Dammit! According to Pinterest, my “pin twin” is none other than Kristi Campbell! This made me smile. Sure, she and I like a lot of the same music. She’s a clark, I’m a clark…got to wonder. Hey Kristi! Did you get the same e-mail about me? LOL

This brings me to my first of 10. The internet. (Bite me. I can list the internet again and again or every week if I want to.) But it’s not simply the wonders of the web. It’s the reminder that my world is as large or small as I make it. I’m continually amazed when I find myself at a new blog, don’t know how I got there, but see someone I know who has left a comment. The sentence that comes to mind? “Wow, it’s a small world”.

Segundo. The love of small humans. And them inviting me into their world. Last weekend I once again got to enjoy the company of my niece’s 2 little boys. As a testament to her and her husband, they are without prejudice, 2 of the sweetest, thoughtful nephews an aunt could have.(go ahead, give me an “aww”) The coolest part of this is that I know how these little guys relate themselves to the world! The oldest, a roger. Through and through. His younger brother? A scott. So very, very scottian, lol

Numero tres is an odd one. The fact that my work week did not end on Friday. As a result, I need to quick hurry this post so I can get to work! (sorry, got to leave you hanging on the why of this. suffice it to say, it’s an opportunity to change my world)

4.) Learning new things on the computer, about the computer. Which allows me to include a post from ivywalker fka zoe

Cinco de mayo. That it’s not going to rain today like predicted. Of course that remains to be seen but it’s not raining now and that’s all that matters!

Six and counting. Weekend work commute is not the hell that the M-F commute is!

Sept. Sales on fruit. A girlie thankful I suppose, but I love when everything starts to come into season:) Sure sign that non winter weather is imminent.

8.) Cereal! As in cold, breakfast.

Nine. Pepto Bismol. The original. No generics. The real deal.

Zehn Another day.

Later people. It’s off to work. See you on the flipside! Make today count. It’s your choice.

Saturdays, Sun and GirlieOnTheEdge. What’s Wrong with That?

Nothing my friends. Absolutely, nothing! In fact, it sounds pretty darned good to me. I had a friend remind me this morning that there is nothing that can’t be written about. While conversing, I made an off the cuff comment and he said “See! Right there. That could be a post”. That was the sentence that was made.

I agreed whole heartedly and told myself that as soon as the conversation ended, I would begin that very post. Oh! I make myself laugh. Do you know that almost an hour later, a load of laundry gurgitating, dishes washed, coffee long since consumed….I forgot the most wonderful topic of which to write. Dammit!

Perhaps I was distracted by the “tasks”?. Perhaps it was the disruption of my routine? I’ve never done laundry at 10:0 am on a Saturday. Never mind the 10:00 am part, laundry on a Saturday! I’m not crazy. But wait! I’m a clark, so yeah, I qualify for the “crazy”. LOL

There’s a conflict raging like a coastal no’easter inside me this morning.  But wait! Outside of my 4 walls is the sun, full octane, now pretty high in the sky. Projected temp? 81! Wha? Seesaw, rollercoastering temps in the mid-Atlantic but I’m not complaining. No sir. Not me. But it is the source of a bit of discomfort.  I’ve somehow tricked myself into assigning worth/value/progress of my life to seasonal changes. They’re a marker of time, non? Door #1 has been opened.

In the spirit of full disclosure (“cuz that’s what I decided on January 1, 2015, that this year was gonna be about), I will tell you that I struggle now. With it all. As so many of us do. There is no one without personal challenge. On a variety of levels. How we approach those challenges, what we do “about them” is personal (and sometimes not). In the end it’s our own responsibility to deal or not deal. With life.

Lizzi, as we all know, is the person responsible for giving life to the blog hop known as the Ten Things of Thankful. As such, today I’m feeling this as my first thankful. That she reminds us of the immense value of publicly giving thanks. It serves not only as reminder/catharsis for our own damn selves but I find it is helpful to read of others’ thanks. The hop is a doorway. We open it is as wide as we are willing and sometimes able.

2) Family is most certainly a thankful. In all it’s forms. In all it’s complexities (nice word for fuckuptedness at times). I have found my own sense of family out here, on the internet. I know! What a weird thing coming from a clark who for the last 5 years has been so…shall we say “private”.

3) The weather. Truly. Right now. These last few days of burgeoning blossoming trees and flowers and budding bushes. Glorious “first” days of spring. Last night I took a short walk. Half the sky was stormy the other half breaking through with end of day sun. A few sprinkles, then not. The odor of earth, the aroma of new bloom. It was a sensory overload of springlike sensation.

4) The ability to more quickly recognize, and be aware of, the “traps” of self sabatoge and self defeat.

5) The acknowledgement that I’ve progressed on a personal level of being more aware of how others relate themselves to the world. Most of you guys know about the Wakefield Doctrine. If there’s any new folks reading, the Wakefield Doctrine, the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers is a way of looking at life. More specifically, looking at how the people in our lives relate themselves to the world that surrounds us all. It’s also the best life tool I’ve ever come across.

6) My lock in age. Since Clark brought it up earlier in the week for one of his alphabet soup posts, I’ll just say it. Frought with those traps I alluded to in #4, it’s also kind of cool. It actually provides me a sense of security. I don’t really have to wonder what I’ll be like at 80 should I reach that age. I already know:)

7) Music and film will always be a thankful. They require certain senses so in conjunction, I try never to take for granted my ability to not only look, but see. To not only hear, but listen.

8) My physical self as it is. I’m thankful not to be flat out in a bed. If I can walk. I can do much more.

9) Employment and transportation. 2 components in life that are often taken for granted. Until one doesn’t have either one. I’ve been lucky and blessed with regards to transportation. However, I have been among the multitudes who have not been/are not advantaged with employment or the ability to self-employ.

10) Another day. Now. Presently. Today.

Get up people. Right now. And go do something. Something not routine. Something different. Switch it up. You may not always have that opportunity. Experience the world….differently. 

 

Do We Give Thanks At The Edge?

Damned right we do! For all sorts of things. The usual and the…not so “usual”. Depends on one’s perspective. Define “usual” and “not so usual”? Well, you know – the usual is for glorious, spring (real spring, not the imitation spring) weather. As in bahama beach blue, smooth as glass, skies. Need a sweater? Hm…doesn’t look like I do. But wait! Looks can be deceiving. Better take one. Just in case. Waking up to that? Yes, a thankful.

So begins my Ten Things of Thankful post. I have much to be thankful. I woke up again today. That’s a good start. An opportunity to get it right, make it better, move forward, not slip any further into the abyss. What?! What? Come on now. Surely, not everyone is skipping down Life is Grand Lane? No? Really? Well, wtf! Why didn’t I get the Memo?

The typical, but not less than, thankfuls are the ones that first come to mind. Health and happiness for our selves and our family and friends. A job, if not career. Reliable transportation (that maybe someone just gave you (yippee, yay me!) thanks to a self-less, considerate sister-in-law).

I am counting the above in my List of 10 because they should never be taken for granted. Ever. So often, we sidestep (however unintentional) into a state of self-absorption that occludes our vision. We can’t see the forest for the trees as the popular expression goes. We cannot see our own value reflected in someone else’s desire to spend time with us. Or help us or ask us for help.

I’m thankful, that should I find myself with nothing else to do, I can always take up physics (not!). I delved briefly into physics in college (1 course thank God!). As a clark, how did I avoid getting sucked into that black hole?

“Henceforth space by itself, and time by itself, are doomed to fade away into mere shadows, and only a kind of union of the two will preserve an independent reality”. (Hermann Minkowski, 1864-1909)

You’ve already picked up on my not putting this in proper TToT format (yes, once upon a time there was an “accepted” format). However, I’m confident that those who read through to the end will have counted at least the requisite number of TTs. Lest I forget, a huge thankful for those who make films such as represented below. And those who act in such films. Thanks be for film and music. Otherwise, what a barbaric and boring world it would be:D

…wait a minute…what? not 10. there’s got to be 10 there…I’m sure I listed 10. ! yes! the Book! phew – how could I forget…the SBOR/BOSR…..we good………..

Who’s That? At the Edge of the Field?!

When we last left our anti-heroine, she was sitting on the bench. Grindin’ on a wad ‘o Grizzly, Girlie looks around and spits. “Yo! Jellyhead! Get the fuck outta my face!” 

“Who you callin’ Jellyhead, bitch? Why, I oughta come over there and clock your sorry punk ass!”

“Whadya waiting for old man? Next year?! *laughing derisively*

Jellyhead glares at our anti-heroine, flames shooting from the top of his head (no, not really, but he looks really, really pissed)

“We gave you a good contract, Girlie. A solid contract. Your people had every chance to negotiate during the season. And you didn’t. Your loss.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, Mr. J. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Listen, Girlie. I’m gonna tell you like it is. We get a lot a players come through this town. Some are ready made for this game. Others, like your own punk ass self, come in thinkin’ they can fuck with the rules. ‘Fraid you gotta get some perspective. You shoulda known. 3 times to bat. After that, all bets off. End of contract. End of game. You’re a free agent now. You got to leave.”

“Thought I’d hang on the bench. Isn’t that where ya go when ya strike it out? The bench? The fucking bench?”

Jellyhead’s gaze softens, his voice calmer.

“Too many players going through rotation, Girlie. Too many. Can’t have every loser taking up valuable space. A dugout’s only so big. You need to move on. Find something else to occupy your time. You had your chance. You got to make room for the younger players. See? That one? And that one over there….they’re still young. They’ve still got time. You’ve already passed the bottom of the 9th. Go on home.”

“Got no home, coach. I’ve got no home.”

“You better find one. And fast. You don’t want to get picked up by that team do you? “

“What team is that?”

“Get your damn head out of your ass! You know what team I’m talkin’ about. One of the biggest teams around, for, you know, players like you.”

“But I’m not like them! I can’t play on that team! Why, they don’t even play! They sit around, wasting away, ending their careers in the worst possible…not one of ’em has ever hit one out of the park!  Not even at the end.”

“Go on now, Girlie. Go. I’ll put in a word with the big guy for you. Honest, I will. The rest is up to you.”

 

Red is the Color of my Edge

I’ve been painting my toenails the color red since sometime in my 20’s. No particular shade except to say, on the dark side. LOL That makes me laugh. Being a clark and all, ya know, “dark side”? If you’re not a clark, can’t help ya. But you can go here.

Once upon a time a long time ago, putting on the new coat was infused with power. You see, in my mind, applying a new coat of red nail polish represented getting ready for “battle”. I removed the old polish, and readied my nails for the “new” polish. A metaphor for “watch out world, here I come“.  A metaphor/coping tool/mind trick for yet another round of “I can do this“.

“I can do this”.  Whatever the challenge. Small, insignificant, large, overwhelming… STOP! I know! My writing suffers from a lack of descriptive words. There’s an absence of adjectives and such that “real” writers, good ones, use to paint a word picture. Extra words that tantalize and cajole and make a reader want more. Words that capture their imagination.

OK. Whatever. Something I’ll work on? Up until now, the response would have been an enthusiastic “yes!“.  Not so much at the moment. At the moment I’m struggling with clarklike things. I’m struggling with the realization of my own self, lack of self, lack of accomplishment, the languishing and the recognition of zero forward momentum. I’m smelling the stench of stagnation that sets in from residual effects of the backlash associated with massive timeline changes. And lastly, my body’s reminder that the life I face might have been different. Should have been different. Isn’t and can never be.

In my experience, epiphanies occur in 1 of 3 places: the bathroom (not very romantic, but damn, if it isn’t true), the car while driving (no amount of gas and road can take you where you want/need to be) and lastly, in bed just as you’re about to drift off to sleep. (think you can hide out in the unconscious?!) One of these epiphanies occured during Friday’s evening commute. Yeah, just what I needed while driving the Capital Beltway at 65 mph.

Last Friday’s evening commute reality bite? It’s too late. There comes a time in life when it’s “too late” to live your passion. For me, that discovery, realizing the one thing that made time stop, came late in life – early 30’s, maybe late 20’s. The one thing I could totally immerse myself in. Sorry Girlie! Missed the exits. Veered a little too off course. No re-entry to the highway”Runner up? Not bad. Hit the road, drifted a tad and then, as is often the case with my people, veered wildly off course. Damn. Now what? Another option. But oops! fucked that up too.

Blah, blah, blah. I’m done. 3 strikes! Yer out! I never thought about what it’d be like spending the rest of my life on the “bench”. Guess I’d best go grab me some Grizzly and try an figure that one out.

“Batter up!”

 

 

 

One clark’s hell is another clark’s Edge and vice versa…it’s a gesture

“Saturday, March 14, 2015 9:25 am. Happy Birthday Aunt Jean. I don’t know how old you would be but if you can hear me, I love you:) You were the first of the family to say it out loud on a regular basis. Hell, the first to say it out loud! I still have trouble saying it. Take after my mother and my father in that I naturally am more a “show not tell” person. I realize now in my wizened old age that not everyone can “see” love. Not a thing appreciated. Boils down to perspective and how one relates themselves to the world. What does my action represent to someone who does not share in my worldview? Gestures as a clark, are often misinterpreted by those who are not clarks. Do I blame the other person for not “seeing” or understanding? No. My challenge is to recognize (but not always like lol) how another relates themselves to the world which is to say as a clark, scott or roger. Once I do that, it’s a whole lot less frustrating, aggravating. In fact, it simplifies life tremendously as it reduces the oft associated “negative” feelings that arise from the puzzlement of “how come they didn’t get it?!” or “WTF! don’t they see why I …?” Damn. This is turning into a post or something about the Wakefield Doctrine. Let’s get back to regular programming….One clark’s hell is another clark’s Edge and vice versa…that shall be the title to today’s TToT post. But right now….it is a rainy day before my birthday. The sky is cyin’ Stevie and I’m glad. Means I won’t have to my own damn self. Today – both my first and last day. It is my challenge to act without hesitation, to walk the path with heart, to insure I am moving forward. Not just not sliding backward but actual forward momentum. Difficult. I feel like crying and crawling into a hole. But I know that short of dying, that’s no option. Especially, for a clark.”

Yes. Yes this is a TToT post. Most of those who will read my post (and I hope that you do) are familiar with the Wakefield Doctrine. Those of you who are new, welcome. As you can see from my blog’s header this is a place of a clarklike female. That says it all.

I don’t often share my “daily words”. They’re not for public consumption. But I couldn’t help notice they were sounding more and more like a post! So I thought, why not publish that portion. “Why not?” Those 2 words need to be front and present in my brain. They need to be the revelry call to arms. And when the situation calls for it, throw in a few choice adjectives.

Ten Things of Thankful Blog Hop. Lizzi Rogers began this hop some time ago. It was a seed that has grown into a Banyan Tree.

So what am I thankful for this week?…..#1. Not dying on the highway. No, not being dramatic. When you commute everyday on the Beltway, well, you’re driving a crap shoot. #2. Having a place like this Hop to share when I want. #3. Being wanted by 2 small humans to spend the night. To have a “movie” night as only 5 & 10 year olds would have it. In other words, I’m thankful for my 2 great- nephews. #4. Understanding “identification” and having other clarks with whom I can identify. Hopefully, it works in the reverse. #5. Generosity of family. #6 To hear of such good things happening in the lives of my friends. (way to go Cynthia!) #7. the Wakefield Doctrine Saturday Night Drive Call In. #8. Transition of seasons. Yup. Seems that winter has not so gracefully nor quietly, exited the building. Until next year….#9. That Lizzi is really “Coming to “Murica”. Hey Lizzi! I even scheduled a Dr.’s appt. around your arrival so it wouldn’t interfere! Thanks for the itinerary! LOL #10 Another day.

“It may be rainin’, but there’s a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it’s too late”
(Glen Frey and Don Henley)