Today. Yes, Yes it is a TToT.

Where do I begin? What is the starting point? Where is the starting point. Which one? My head holds a myriad of flash intros each screaming, vying to be headliner. How do/can/will I know which one is the right one for this…this version of reality? Even as I write these words, I doubt the font type currently appearing was the same font as when I opened this post. To borrow from Calderon, is everything but a dream….

Thanks to constant interrupted sleep last night, I awakened this morning at the sound of an incoming text. I’m thankful for that as I dare not think how long I may have slept. Already, the day had been re-arranged, re-ordered for me by my body. By the intermittent leg/foot pretzels that plagued me throughout the overnight. “I am an old woman, named after my mother, my old man is another child that’s grown old”. Even now, I wander the highway of multidimensional reality. Why the hell not🙂

I will, being sleep deprived (there can be very enjoyable special effects garnered from interrupted sleep), on the verge of getting sick? attempt to put some cohesive tape on this botch job of a post…it all began….last night, as I turned out the light thinking it was going to be a typical, lay in bed, go to sleep, sleep until morning kind of night, I lay, lights out listening to youtube. The last 2 songs I listened to were Don’t Speak and Someone Like You. Neither are new songs. Neither are played on the radio here (Don’t Speak I’ve heard once or twice but not in ages). At least the stations I listen to. Driving to work, I heard both these songs. Back to back. Now you might say, what’s so weird about that? Here’s what’s weird. The brief conversation I’d had with Clark pulling away from the house 20 minutes earlier. It culminated in his statement/observation that my previous (work) timeline was reclaiming it’s self proclaimed, rightful place here on this, my new timeline. What? Whatch you talkin’ bout Willis?? And so, the briefiest discussion of the re-emergence of pattern, habit, routine. Engrained like the groove in one’s favorite record. Impervious to the switch to digital media, habits and routine cannot be erased, cannot be altered sufficiently for them not to resurface to reclaim their rightful position, steering you to those places it would have you be because, after all, we’re all where we would have ourselves be. We are living in our perfect world. (go ahead Clark. I know I could never explain it. The words are not in my brain any longer lol)

This is a jumbletron of words. Like “sitting at my desk at work at 11:45 this morning, I was overcome with an incredibly strong feeling of deja vu.” The kind where you believe you know right at that moment the next thing you had done/will do. And so I thought, is this simply a facet of timeline replication? Is it the “feeling of having done this before” or was it simple resonation of familiarity of habit?

I think perhaps the lines were bleeding one into the other today. Blending, melding, criss crossing. In a way, I hope so. Otherwise, how is it I can ever discover anything “new”? How will I keep routine, habit at bay. How will I keep my body from playing in the worn rut left by the needle that has traversed the same song for 57 years.

TTOTimelines (yes! I’m stealing that from Clark! That clever Doctrine guy who plagues me, lectures me, yet manages to keep me sane). I am participating today. Somewhere. LOL

For the Wakefield Doctrine

For last weekend. Achieving goals, spending time with my favorite small humans. We had a wonderful “nature walk” on Sunday to round out the weekend.

For increasing knowledge, little by little in my new profession.

For only getting ,my face “burned” 3 times by my dermatologist.

For the sense that I will write, will complete Annaliese’s Dream, though it’s barely begun.

For the YouTube.

For my physical stamina. It’s pretty damn good.

For not totally, completely giving up participating in the virtual world. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have read Kristi Campbell’s very fine Finish the Sentence Friday post. Check it out. Her writing. It’s good. Like damn good.

For the BOSR/SBOR. No. Not quoting a rule. Just a general thanks for it’s existence🙂

For this, another opportunity. For this, both my first and my last day.

Do you know where you are? You sure?

How Big Do I Want My World to Be? A 10 Things

Yo. Valid question. I asked myself this very question while closing out my morning words. “How big do I want my world to be today?” It’s entirely up to me. How will I engage the world? The responsibility lies with me to put myself out there, to make myself available. To possibility.

As a clark, I can be satisfied to remain inside of 4 walls with a book, computer, tv… and not mind not interacting with anyone or anything. And be content. If you’re like me, and have a secondary scottian aspect, this only works for so long (albeit way longer when you start getting older lol) as you actually enjoy going out “into the world”. Sometimes.

I don’t know yet what I’m going to do today. Aside from a couple of typical Saturday activities. My challenge will be to go out and find someone to engage, something to engage me….to go out there, and participate. This begins my participation with the world as literally, folks wa-ay outside my neighborhood may stumble upon and read this, my Ten Things of Thankful post.

Always a first thankful is that I remain (as of right now) with a roof over my head, food to eat, a car to drive and employment to sustain me. With events of nature, war, crime, illness wantonly ravaging everyday life for someone, somewhere, I do not and will not take the basic necessities for granted.

Second. Health. I’ve still got it as far as I know. It’s incumbent upon my own self to promote, pursue and maintain excellence in all catagories of my health. Not an easy undertaking! But I will continue to try and do right my self😀

Third. That I caught the last 1/2 hour of one of my all time favorite movies, Jet Li’s Fearless. OMG. What a f’ing great movie. If you watch none of it but the last fight scene, then do. Powerful and moving. Brought tears to my eyes. And of course, martial arts🙂

Fourth. I’m thankful to everyone who stopped by Girlie to read the first 6 Sentence Story I’ve written in…. yeah! that is a long time lol

Fifth. I am so thankful for those who put forth into the world, the wonderous, magical gift that is music. Well, of course I need to qualify this statment😀 For those who’ve created the music I love and will love🙂 Life is incomplete without it.

Sixth. I’m thankful for being aware of gestures of kindness. Not only gestures towards myself but the witnessing of gestures towards others.

Seventh. the Wakefield Doctrine.

Eight. I am both grateful and thankful to have traveled to Europe. Not once, but twice in my lifetime. It is a gift that has few words. I now have the ability to transport myself back in time to stand inside the home of William Shakespeare, or walk the beaches surrounding Mont St. Michel, enjoy the outdoor market atmosphere in Kenmare, Ireland or, speaking adequate enough French to a bartender, in the middle of the day, because I was lost on the streets of…Paris. Yup, I’m one lucky, thankful Girlie.

Nine. I will always find a place on the list for – technology! Access to the world with a mouseclick.

10. For waking up again to make another go of it🙂

Go out today. If only for awhile and never, never forget to….

Favorite Movies, 6 Sentence Stories and a Fresh Start

Wh-h-at? At your age? Fresh start? Gaw! That’s absurd, right? In real time terms, maybe. But I’m doing virtual time at the moment and well, that’s where any and all lines may blur and blend to reappear in new configurations.  Anything is possible in the virtual world, right? Am I right?!

It’s Thursday. I’m sitting with the lapbaby typing letters and such, fairly confident they make sense. I’m totally not sure what’s coming next though. Every week for months, Clark over at the Wakefield Doctrine will ask “so. you writing a 6 this week?” And every week I give a variation on the same answer and don’t. Write a 6 Sentence Story. IvyWalker aka Zoe at the infamous portal of possibilities, Uncharted, provides a lovely opportunity for all of us to challenge and engage ourselves, to entertain each other with 6 sentences (yeah. what I said. 6. best part? the sentences can be as long or short as you want to make them!) that contain the cue word for the week. This week’s cue word? Suspect.

I suspect you’re right about what you thought you heard Mrs. Fontana, but there’s no way to be certain exactly what your husband uttered with his dying breath, it was barely a whisper of words and those swept swiftly and silently aloft by the Reaper’s attendance to a strict schedule.

But Herbert, I know what I heard,  I lived with the man for 35 years, listened to him laugh, heard him cry, cajole, yell…whisper….So what that it’s been 25 years since, you know…

Since you passed Mrs. Fontana?

I simply won’t believe it Herbert. He promised we would always be together.

Image result for afterlife highly suspect

 

Taking the Cake and Other “Misnomers”…TToT

There’s been a deficit, a drought in this sector of the universe, at GirlieOnTheEdge. I might be able to give you an approximate time (as in date) when I noticed the seeds of silence germinating, but that doesn’t matter, does it? That’s right, it doesn’t. In fact, me stopping to go back and find out when the writing stopped would be a huge distraction. A distraction that would prevent me from this moment right now, my brain working unfamiliar muscles, struggling to stretch and expand. Is there really any point in poking around the past? What does it accomplish? How often does rummaging around in the oversized trunks of what no longer is, useful to what is happening now? Yeah, yeah. If we don’t understand, acknowledge, recognize our mistakes we’re destined to repeat them, right? Isn’t that what “they”  say? I’m not convinced.

I took a chance one day and ventured outward. What would my life be like today, if I hadn’t overcome my fear (of exposure) and taken a chance? How small my world would have been. It was life altering, hitting the publish button. Thankfuls. Thankfuls. I have them in abundance. Truly.  Thank you Lizzi. This bloghop is your creation and will be in existence for perpetuity. How does it feel to be part of something immortal?🙂

Zoe. Clark. Why? Well, you have to go to Clark’s TToT in which he thanks Zoe for a certain video. I love it guys. We should all have such a clock😀

Air conditioning. Last night, at 10 o’clock, yeah, that’s p.m., it was 89 degrees, with a feel like temp of 99. What planet do I live on again?

This movie even though I haven’t watched it yet…

Encouragement not only for my constant, through time source, but for sources I may not immediately recognize. When I read of other clarks and their exploits, their struggle, their accomplishments, I feel…encouraged. It gives me hope that those things I struggle with are not so uncommon for those who experience the world as a clark. Not all “bread and roses”, ya know?

That work is coming along. Well, more like I’m coming along. I entered a field I knew nothing about. Rather intimidating going from a job where you pretty much knew all there was to know (on the practical level) to one where you have to stumble sometimes through the learning. It’s challenging and I’m in a hurry to “know it all”. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be a “student” once again🙂

Speaking of being a “student to school there“, word over at the Doctrine is that Abigail is taking a course and will be busy her own self. I hope to be joining you Abbie in a classroom near me in the not so distant, already in existence, future😀

The SBOR/BOSR. Because I’m stuck! I don’t know how to manuever pictures and such that my last item is…..not getting posted because I don’t know how the hell to format stuff. OMG! I sound like an “old” person more and more lol. Suffice it to say, I have much to be thankful for and each day I remind myself of that fact.

I’ve been missing this guy a lot lately. Not that I don’t miss them all.  I’m thankful to have had so many wonderful companions over the years to love me, teach me – Madeline, Jamaal, Harlee, Alex, Zoey….I’ve been truly blessed.

Girl and her Dog

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holy S#@! No, Really….

OK. So I uploaded a little video of myself claiming by rite of hat for the Wakefield Doctrine. Fine. Then I began this post. The opening line went something like “so who was old enough in 1973 to go see this movie”. As I was attempting to insert a YouTube clip of 2 guys talking about the place and about the end of the movie and such, my computer froze and simultaneously began emitting a deep whine. Steady, constant. Nothing to do except turn it off. When I returned to this post, blank screen. Nothing. No shit.

Anywho, today I discovered that Georgetown (cool shopping/tourist district in D.C.) is a mere 13 miles from where I live. And, I could get there without driving major highways. Sure ’nuff, I was crossing the Key Bridge and hanging a right onto M St., in an amazingly short time. In fact, I was back to home base within 2 hours after having driven around, walked around, took pictures, looked for ways to turn around from the 1 ways…. Who knew the world could get bigger a mere 13 miles away.

It’s a thankful post. Because it’s Sunday. Because I haven’t posted since last weekend. Truth be told, it was not such a good week. But the alternatives are way worse and so I can be very thankful for my “not so good week”. Truly. Dammit…now my speaker icon is going balistic, flashing on off on off…possession. Oh, its’ real alright. There’s all types of possession. Personally, I don’t like to discuss the religious/supernatural kind. No sir. Just. Leave. It. Alone. Guess you’ll have to go look up the movie clip(s) your own selves.

My thankfuls this week? I woke up each and every day. Sunday through Saturday. Always my starting point. As is today. It’s a beautiful day. And it’s incumbent upon my own damn self to see what oftentimes I don’t, to be open to that which is all around me all of the time but for the simple willingness to step forward and venture out from behind the dotted lines.

 

 

…shining stars that dot the darkness of my life

The grey insists on trying to seep through the narrow slats of the mini blinds but, luckily, is absorbed by the sheers overlaying them. The sheers, my protection today. The light cinammon colored material hangs lazily, non chalantly from the tops of the 2 windows that grace my room. And still, there is no light.

It is Saturday morning and I’m reminded that there is a Lizzi event going on. My friend Lizzi, a fellow clark, went out on a limb one day, put forth into the world this thing, this bloghop, in which I participate. I’m sure you’ve heard of it by now. The Ten Things of Thankful. It is her creation, her gift. And all of you who participate, whether writing a Ten Things post or reading a Ten Things post, give it life.

  1. Shelter. (from the storm)
  2. A reliable car to drive, to get me where I need to go, want to go. Or, simply just to drive.
  3. The occaisonal reminder of the important kind. The “hey, snap out of it!” variety.
  4. That finally! I was able to see the bird in it’s garage nest. My new parking space at work is right beside a pole in the underground garage. Up on one of the ledges is a bird’s nest. When I would go to my car at lunch or when leaving at the end of the day, a bird would swiftly swoop out of it’s nest and out of the garage. Had I had my camera in my hand yesterday, I could have caught a really good picture of him/her.
  5. Little bursts of creativity exploding like a microburst.
  6. Almira. While I am enjoying reading the story, I’m also proud to see my brother evolve as a writer.
  7. the Wakefield Doctrine.
  8. Music. From new artists, like this clarklike female. She speaks true words in her intro. Listen, clarks.
  9. That my laptop is still functioning after last week’s blue screen, forced shutdown tantrums.
  10. This grey day. Outside and inside. It is what it is. It is what I make it. It is what I choose it to be.
  11. SBOR/BSOR baby. Of course I can go to 11. So let’s add Robert Rodriguez. Came back this afternoon to publish this post and decided, what the heck, why don’t I put on the TV. Lo and behold the station I had left it on is playing the “Mexico Trilogy”. Missed El Mariachi and only caught the last 1/3 of Desperado, but now, Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Compliments nicely with the thunderous darkness gathering outside my light cinammon sheers.

Oh, and remember kids, in the immortal words of Stephen Stills,… don’t let the past remind us of what we are not now…

Saturday Bowl of Serial and Ten Things of Thankful

Why has this been so difficult? Why is it that all the “writing” has been in my head these many months? It’s turned into some sort of phobia I tell ya! You think I’m joking (and most of me is) but when I look at Dictionary.com’s definition of phobia, a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object,activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it”, well that’s me! I’ve got writeaphobia

There is a term that once was popular to describe tuberculosis, consumption. I’ve allowed all that which culminated in my developing writeaphobia, to consume me. Wholely and completely. So, having been consumed, I’m left to untangle the not rinsed nearly enough spaghetti strings of thoughts and fears and worries and self recriminations. Oh, and to make matters worse? Yup, the spaghetti is way, way over cooked. Blech!!

How does one parse each string? Coincidence I use that term, for the parsing comes with employing the 3 String Theory. It’s a bit abstract I suppose, and no, there are no sudden light bulbs of self discovery, but there is a, how shall I describe it, a sense of “calm” after using it. I suppose it’s kind of like a forced “take a step back and reflect”. How does it work? Well, whatever is “grabbing” you at the moment, whatever has you in the clutches of angst or worry or extreme emotion of the not welcome kind, stop. Stop and break it down into 3 components. To everything there is a feeling, there is a thought, there is an action.

Isolate, observe. See where it leads. Identify the emotion. Extrapolate the thought. Confront the action. I don’t know, maybe it’s nothing but maybe it’s something. All I know is that there are moments I find myself overwhelmed and in those moments I’m “somewhere not in the present“.  Let’s face it. We can’t do anything about the past. The future? It’s promise to no one. All there is, is now. The here and now, today. Why allow the residue of the past to color over the possibility of today?

Thank you Lizzi, still no relation, Lewis for planting the seed of the Ten Things of Thankful Bloghop.

Thank you Clark, for the Wakefield Doctrine and Blogdominion (better start at the beginning!) and Almira and….coming soon😀

Thank you all for your continued creative contributions, for your participation that is the conversation.

Thank you Ivywalker for sharing a very personal part of your world. Doug, the Skipmeister himself. You and he shared a most special bond.

Thank you Mother Nature for weather, while oppressive at times, is surely seasonally appropriate😀

Thanks are in huge order for the SBOR/BOSR. If you don’t know. Go find out!

Thank you RTX Records. An excellent, inexpensive resource for aquiring music and movies. While already in the Girlie film library (does me no good in Fl), I picked up a copy of Collateral, one of my favorite movies of all time, for $2. Cool.

Thank you little, growing up too quickly, Virginia nephews just for being you.

Thanks to my own self for being open to “listening to” and being “guided by” my body. Sometimes, the doing is way more rewarding than the thinking about doing.

Thanks, as always for this, another day, another opportunity to try and get it right….