This is No Time to Get Edgeitis!

Hey! Speaking of severance packages – I was driving the commute last Thursday afternoon ’round about 4:40 p.m. Sky alight, the few cumulonimbus above showing impressionist dab spatters of grey, I got to thinking. (Of course I did! I’m a clark and I’m driving.) If I’m not singing and seat dancing I must be wandering the old cranial landscape.

I was thinking about something I did a long time ago. Something out of character for me. Something I regretted doing. Haven’t you done something out of sheer hurt and anger? “Lashing out” as defined in Wakefield Doctrine terms is relegated to the personal reality of rogers. I suppose what I did came close, but I can’t be sure. Besides, I’m a clark and rogerian lashing out simply doesn’t exist in my world.

Why this popped into my head today I don’t know. Well, maybe I do. Excuse me a second would you?… Hey! Christine! No, this isn’t….yes, I know I accepted the double dog dare…I told you I can do it…yes, yes it’s coming…really….

Where was I? Yeah, yeah…The thing about clarks? Unlike the propaganda, we are not devoid of emotion. We simply process/express it as the Outsiders that we are. It manifests differently for us. Don’t be fooled! We of the intellect/mind first, can cry buckets with the best of rogers under the right circumstances. I now know that the “awful” thing I did 20 something years ago represented something different to the roger on the receiving end than it did for me. Except 20 something years ago, I wasn’t conscious of that very important piece of information.

Driving a companion highway in my head, I was feeling as if I needed to apologize for sending the Box. Then I asked myself: why did I think it would it make me feel better if I could tell this person I was sorry? Given the circumstances and the relationship, surely, it was within the acceptable boundary of potential reactions.

Then I asked myself: do I really want to look under that bed? Am I prepared for what’s been shoved under there? A catch fucking 22 for clarks, especially those of us who are making a conscious effort to evolve. How do we face the awful parts of ourselves, the seemingly abberrant aspects, and believe there’s any hope whatsoever of enjoying a truly happy and fulfilling life?

[Honest Christine! Didn’t plan on this post coming out. I’m gonna trying hanging with Lila more. She’s one of your people. LOL]

What do you really think? Can I turn this into a TToT? Me too! Hit it baby –

TToT1. I’m grateful I was able to privately thank the man who was an integral part of my timeline jump of 2013 before he left the building Wednesday. For good.

TToT2. Another day. No, I never tire of reminding myself that each day I wake up is another opportunity. Anything can happen. And by that, I mean anything good!

TToT3. In conjunction with #2, I give thanks for the awareness that no matter how bad a situation, it can, and very often does, get worse. I suffer no illusion that “things can only get better”. Who invented that one?

TToT4. Faith. See #3.

TToT5. Get this. I swear this is true and I only wish I’d seen the entire directional shift. Wednesday, I left work at 3:30. I was happily surprised to drive at relativly normal speeds with barely a slowdow out of Maryland and into Virginia. Until that is, I hit Tysons Corner. Electronic highway signs indicated an accident several miles up the road, coincidentally, at the exit I get off at. Yay. As I slowed down, my eyes wandered up and off to the left. There, silently, gracefully was a small flying V of geese headed in my direction. Flying west almost directly overhead. Barely 3 tenths of a mile up the highway I catch something out of the corner of my eye, only this time from the right. There! I watch in total amazement a flying V of geese…headed east! Same group of geese? Did they cross the Beltway and realize they’d taken a wrong turn? Awesome.

TToT6. No rain in a week. Sunshine every day.

TToT7. Practicing doing the scary things, the uncomfortable things. The things that take me out of my comfort zone.

TToT8. Not being forgotten. Or would that be – still being included? :)

TToT9. Having at least one person to remind me to HTFU.

TT0T. the Cat. (holy fucking shit. right after I typed “the Cat” I heard geese flying overhead the house. 8:49 am. enough said. this post is done.)

“So put me on a highway
And show me a sign
And take it to the limit one more time”

 

 

 

Show Love with No Remorse. Thank you RHCP. Thank You.

(Begun Friday, basically completed yesterday, posting today…really?? *sigh*…yes)

Can I ever say enough good things about the Chili Peppers? I think not! Their music is one of the many maps of my life’s atlas. In particular, By The Way. This collection represents a specific time when life took an unexpected turn. Yes. There were casualties.

I walk through the world with body defected. Heart pitted with the healing of life’s abscesses, holes hollowed throughout. “Time heals all wounds”, so they say. Know what’s just as powerful? Music. It heals, it hurts, it deepens the emotion of the moment. It is refuge, it is magic. It is life.

In the interim of the here and there, there are moments. Moments that can be days. Like yesterday. My car doesn’t have a serious radio LOL. Regular airwaves (I love playing this song! A simple bass line, it’s a blast to play) Last morning coummute of the week, radio on. 1st up? this. Wouldn’t call myself a fan of this guy, but today I really got into this song. My entire person. What was it that hyped me up? I was the music all the way to Rockville.

It was a bee-u-tifullll summer day. A perfect beach day (if I lived near the beach). And! It was Friday. Maybe it’s a body thing. The body never forgets. Not fully. And so, I knew on a very basic organic level that today was Friday. I could feel it. Today was a spontaneous, all music is energizing and life giving day. Today was all about emotional content. And it was good.

It’s Saturday afternoon. Do I have a 10 spot? Yeah, I think so…

One. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. In particular, Flea. Once upon a time, as a young woman, Anthony Jackson held top spot for years as my favorite bass player. (“I’m sorry Anthony. Flea. It’s Flea. I still love you but, um, when I hear Flea play my heart seizes from the sheer beauty of his expression. Forgive me?”)

Tue. Magic, stubborness and stupidity and not giving up.

3. clark, scott, roger. The Progenitors. Each are a chapter (maybe a couple or 2) in my bio.

Four. And I ain’t talkin’ cheese. Except maybe on the surprize pizza yesterday courtesy of one of the attorneys.

Five. That my test results showed the osteo not getting worse.

6. Got to go with the weather. Hope I don’t jinx anything but the weather the last 5 days has been extrodinarily lovely.

Seven. That I was house sitting again so that right at this moment I’m enjoying an absolutely perfect day sitting under a patio umbrella. Light breeze, pre-fall light, not a cloud in the azure blue sky…someone just lit up a barbeque.

8. I really get stuck sometimes. Stage fright? Sounds awful ‘cuz there are thoughts cruising in and out of my consciousness during the week that would certainly qualify as “thankfuls”. Like having my senses in good working order. That I can see, not only look. That I can hear, not simply listen. That if no words come out of my mouth at least they’re there, stumbling, maybe tumbling ’round the inside of my head.

Nine. the Wakefield Doctrine and scotts!  All I have to do is look at #8 and realize this is not all that complicated. Keep it short, simple and to the point! So next time? 10 ToT scottian style.

10. If I have nothing, I have this moment. And that’s good enough.

“Never underestimate the power in a single moment or act”

No Throw-Back. Re-Wind. Edge Style.

Welcome to GirlieOnTheEdge. It is Thursday once again. I’m thankful to be able to say that. Thursdays are quickly becoming a significant day of the week. Not only for my own self but for many writers here in the blog-spherical universe.

Who do we have to thank? Ambassador to Josie Two Shoes, Ivywalker. She hosts the bloghop event known as Six Sentence Stories. I really like reading these flash sentence posts. I marvel at how some writers are able to draw 6 sentences out with seemingly magical ease to give the illusion of much, much more material. Crazy!

And it seems Six Sentence Stories has fast become a vehicle by which some of our favorite writers are showing off writing chops the likes of which we’ve not seen before. Case in point? Dyanne Diabolica. Forgive me whoever dubbed our beloved Dyanne with this moniker, I don’t remember you but you surely hit the nail on the head. Dyanne’s Stories will amuse, surprise and shock!

I look forward to what Misspreschoolkindergartensmallhumantoschoolthere teacher turned murder mystery/thriller crime story writer extraordinaire has penned each and every Thursday. And she’s got plenty of company so there’s no excuse – how long will it take to read 6 sentences? Huh? So make the rounds, share and show your support. It’s the fun thing to do :)

When I walked the overgrown path, weaving in and out and around the ancient stones, moss covered now from ages gone by, no bodies to burnish them smooth, I let my mind wander to a time of simplicity and dare, naivete and youthful indulgence

Adult but not, we were fueled with the fire of unbridled ambition borne at 16 behind the wheel of a Ford Galaxie 500, green like all the traffic lights on the dream highway of life to come, ne’er blinking for one second to make us doubt our immortality

Drunk with youthful inexperience, ebullient in our longing and desires, we moved forward, sometimes in the haze and daze of confusion to find at minium a flickering matchstick flame there at the end of each tunnel

Trouble never came around invited and rarely made an appearance yet lurked in the shadows eagerly awaiting special invitation to shine as only the contrary can in moments of opportunity gone bad

Life then as life now, portrayed realistically for general viewing pleasure is but illusion and fools only those who do not, can not, will not, face that which is, whatever we once thought, remembered, created and believed is nothing

And everything and all but gone with the wind

 

There is Opportunity at the Edge. If You Know How to Look.

Welcome to GirlieOnTheEdge. I don’t know where I’m goin’ with this today…maybe a “regular” post? But it is the weekend after all and you know what that means! Yes! #TenThingsofThankful.

*My world did not stop a few moments ago as in the “holy shit that was cool, wtf” way but still. Here, let me catch you up to speed…

Yesterday, I went into the office. Some of you know I work in Maryland and live in northern Virginia. It’s not a bad commute on the weekend and somehow that makes going in on the weekend it a little bit better. Don’t ask me why but for some reason, yesterday I was acutely aware/mindful of routine. About the dangers and drawbacks of allowing oneself to more or less autopilot through a day…or a life.

I’d gotten off to a later start than I wanted, somewhere around 10. The weather was typical end of summer warm – low 80’s with a sky light blue, littered with soft, semi puffy clouds here and there. No sign of rain. I can dig it.

Having just crossed the American Legion Bridge (which crosses the Potomac River) into Maryland, I decided it would be a cool idea to find the French bakery a co-worker had told me about. Pouquois non, a little pastry morsel ce matin?

Supposedly it wasn’t far from our office. How long could it take? It wasn’t like I had to be to work at a particular time. Instead of hanging a left for the office, I kept driving straight. Can’t be too far…

The funny thing about driving to a place. Whether you know exactly where it is or not, it seems to take a long time. Longer than you think it would or could or should. Anticipation? Does anticipation lenghthen time? So I’m driving and looking. This part of the road isn’t overly developed – some warehouse stuff, an office building…

A few minutes later the landscape is looking more urban… convenience store, gas station. It’s also getting trickier to look at both sides of the highway what with traffic and all. As I approached an intersection, I noticed a strip mall on the right side of the highway. Very industrial looking – AC Delco Truck repair shop, pawn shop, a tire store on the far end.

On the left side of the highway, directly opposite, was another strip mall. A clean, modern looking, nicely appointed stucco shopping plaza. There! a sign for an Italian restaurant, a pet store… I bet the bakery is in there.

I drove to the next traffic light, did a u-y, hung a right and slowly perused the shops. No French bakery. Damn. I turned around at the end of the parking lot and made my way back to where I’d come in. Sitting, waiting to pull out into traffic, I glanced across the street to the “industrial park”, a casual glance not really looking. Holy shit! There! right next to the pawn shop was the French bakery.

I drove to the traffic light, made another u turn, pulled into the seedy looking (it was!) parking lot, found a parking space, got out. Walking towards the little bakery, and in spite of appearances, I tried the door. Locked! Only then did I happen to notice (duh!) that the lights were out. Yes. Closed on Saturdays and Sundays.

Bummer you say? No! Au contraire mes amis. The entire episode-ette was my “lesson”. A most wonderful revelation of how expectation and conditioning and my own personal reality “guided” me to look for the bakery in the nice looking, modern looking shopping plaza. My mind automatically chose the “nice” place over the industrial complex. Obviously, on some unconscious level, I’d had a preconceived notion of where a French bakery would/should be located. Pretty cool, eh?

What are my 10 things this week? Let me count….un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix….  another day, the Wakefield Doctrine, Carlos Castaneda, my sister-in-law, my own self, French Bakeries, “lessons”, the Cat, Six Sentence Story hop, Lizzi coming to “Murica”.

Remember…”The little things…there’s nothing bigger. Is there?”

*There was a kinda “part two” today. :)

2 for the Edge? Kindly Follow Me for 6 Sentences

Welcome to GirlieOnTheEdge. It’s my sometime place of catharsis.. release. At times my classroom…my makeshift “family room”.  Or kitchen. Come midnight, those times my parents threw a party, it was the kitchen eveyone gravitated towards. As things were winding down, people would be hanging in that, the most informal room in the house. The talk was more casual, intimate but not. And, it’s often where the best dancing took place :)

Ivywalker f/k/a zoe is the Hostess of the blog party known as Six Sentence Story Thursday. I’m thinkin’ if I keep participating in this, I might improve my writing skills. Got to do it to improve it, right?

It’s been a little over 14 months since she got the diagnosis and still there are moments, flashesbytes of memory, that light up like the last firefly of summer to remind her that yes, she is a fragile flower.

Fear is a familiar friend, always the current coursing through her being, although those who know her would say she was brave and courageous and daring.

Often she would find herself lulled into thinking and yes, believing, that in fact she was “brave and courageous and daring” like now, sitting on the crisp white, paper lined patient table in her Dr.’s office.

The young PA had taken her vitals, asked a few of the usual questions and gave the rote instructions, then left saying “the Dr. will be in to see you shortly” and immediately she thought to herself, “I can do this, if I have to go through this once a year, it won’t be that bad, I can handle this”.

The moment arrived and the encounter began, salutations, questions, answers, what you’d expect at the annual, hey, you’re old, you need to have a physical every year and besides that we need to find out if you’ve gotten better in the last year which of course may prove expensive if your insurance won’t cover the scan that will give us the results we need to see in order to deterime whether the medicine has been working.

She eagerly asked about exercising and her concerns over types and movements, what to do, what not do, because after all she said, “I don’t want to break anything” and without hesitation, reservation or emotion, her clarklike Dr. responded, “you can suffer a fracture just by sitting in your chair”.

 

One Step Leads to Another Until She Edges Out 6 Sentences

Hey guys! Welcome to GirlieOnTheEdge’s 2nd attempt at 6 Sentence Stories. Hope you don’t mind – I took a snippet of a chapter I wrote for the ongoing Detective Story from hell over at the Rag. It’s been in limbo lately which is a shame. Clark contributed a very nicely written Chapter 35 and that’s where we’ve been stalled. Gonna rectify that real soon. Real soon.

Be forewarned! The 6 sentences below contain some harsh language and some may find it offensive. But it is from a piece of fiction afterall :)

 

“Finally, a return on all those BodyCombat classes I suffered through at the Dorchester Ave. Gold’s Gym. No, I’m not talking Shaun T here, just your regular old, mixed martial arts, kick your ass kinda workout. It’s what got me up those steps twice as fast as my PI Guy, God bless his overweight soul.

I hung a quick left at the top of the stairs and nearly went head over heels trying to dodge an ill placed laundry basket of humongous proportions (Martha Stewart – my sister is not!) and stopped dead in my tracks just outside of Jenn’s bedroom.

Fuck, yeah…no kidding we needed to see this. What sick ass motherfucker….amazing what a little adrenalin will do for one’s vocabulary and, as if on cue, Roger just as vehemently vocalized pretty much what I was thinking.”

Osteo-Edge-osis. Variation on a Condition.

Welcome to GirlieOnTheEdge. Today? My Ten Things of Thankful. From last week (mostly!) and this week. “What?! You can’t do that! You can’t recycle an old thankfuls list and post it the following week! Not even hiding the fact that this is not completely fresh offa the press? What gives you the right, huh Girlie?, huh? 

The Book. You know. The Book of Secret Rules aka The Secret Book of Rules (BOSR/SBOR). This is what allows for occaisional deviation from the norm here at the hop that Lizzi built. I site an oft overlooked rule, Rule 13301, Subsection 95, paragraph 05 which states in part: “…the state of being thankful is not bound by time. Therefore, thankfuls in the context of this hop, are not required to be posted necessarily in chronological order. If one or more thankfuls are of an ongoing nature, that is to say, if continuity exists within the parameter of thankfuls and current day, then they may be used at a future date, concurrent with present day thankfuls…”

That being said, I present last week’s unfinished 10 Things of Thankfuls items 1-7 together with this weeks Thankfuls which, btw, include an item from what technically might not be considered occurring within the current, present week. But who cares! Who puts a time stamp on thankfuls. That’s right. No one. The act of stopping each week to reflect on life as it happened, as it is happening, and zeroing in on a few items that stand out in the realm of “being thankful” is nothing short of magical. Like magic, the benefits are not readily apparent, not readily “seen”. But they’re there.

Without further ado, I present the mash that is last week’s and this week’s Ten Things of Thankful, Girlie style:

Since I woke up today, I can post and finish the TToT I began yesterday last Saturday before “life” interrupted. Well, before I allowed life to interrupt. 

Greetings from the Edge. Of what today, I’m not quite certain. Woke up at 4:47 am. Had this been a work day, I would have been flying out of bed cursing that I was going to be “late”. Since it’s Saturday, I took a more leisurely approach. Pretty much same routine, only slower.

Today’s forecast: sunny, high of about 94, humid. Um, yeah…if I’m going to walk I’d better do it soon. At 7:17 am I began my Measured Mile x 2. Do you know it took me 43 damn minutes! Although pretty, it’s a grueling path of hills! The first 1/10 of a mile is the only straight away. After that? Up and down steep…. hills. Good for the body…when you’re in shape!

Which brings me to my First TF. I was reminded this week by my body that: 1) I really need to get back into a regular, more regimented routine of physical exercise, 2) that I’ve lost strength and stamina this last year (see #1). The tremendous thankful is that I can still walk. I’m thankful I can walk. (yes, there’s more that could be said about that and in my head on my walk this morning, the self conversation taking place would have made for an excellent post. But you know how it is sometimes – what’s in the head doesn’t always translate out of the head lol)

TF2 Six Sentence Stories. Thank you Josie Two Shoes and to you Ivywalker for hosting this exciting exercise! Very fun!

TF3 Fans. ( not those kind, although I think I have a couple lol) I mean oscillating, pedestal floor fans. Because….the ac went out this past week, it was in the upper 80’s and I sleep on the 3rd floor. Need I say more?

TF4 Don’t know why I thought of this. Maybe because of #3. That I didn’t go head first down a flight of stairs the other night. It was kinda wild. It was the night my landlord knocked on my door to give me the fan. I’d been asleep about 20 minutes but not too groggy to set up the fan. That done, I decided to go down to the kitchen for a snicky snack. 14 steep, narrow stairs down to the second floor.. naah.. why would I turn on the hall light? (dumbass). A third of the way down my foot “caught” (on something invisible lol). In that slow motion, outside of your body kinda way, I saw myself rather impossibly, self correct. I did not go tumbling (dice) down. Yeah. Big TF.

TF5 Hey, we’ll make it today! As in, I’m here to write and complete the post I started yesterday. Sure it looks like I’m doubling up but who’s gonna complain about being grateful for waking up! Besides, you know there’s a Rule for such “duplicate” citations (n-o-o, there’s a rule for when you don’t have 10 items – Rule 1.3. No one said anything about duplicate anything ).

TF6 Unless someone tells me otherwise, I’m pretty darned grateful I’ve still got my marbles. As far as I know, I’m still operating on all 8 cylinders :)

TF7 Music to work, weather to match. It may have been Friday, Thursday?, can’t seem to remember (uh oh, #6, was I wrong? lol) When I left it was still cool outside. Hot and sticky (no, not from my head to my feet, but…. Listen! red light, yellow light, green-a-light go!
Crazy little woman in a one man show..) hadn’t shown up yet. First song out of the box? 18 And Life. Sing Girlie, sing.

TF8 Last Saturday, I babysat the 2 nephews, 11 & Newly 6. Arrived late afternoon. It was a beautiful day even with the heat and humidity. I drove the 3 of us to Five Guys, got burgers, dogs and fries to go, returned  to the house. 11 quickly, efficiently and like he’d been doing this for years, set up the TV tray tables. Ready, set – Movie Time! A most excellent evening with 2 of my favorite young people.

TF9, Part 2 of TF8 Sunday morning some of us got up early (me!). I was sitting in 11 ‘s bed writing this post (the first half) when 6 came wandering in. He hopped up next to me – “what’re you doing?” I was in the middle of getting the vid for Def Leppard and told him so. He scooted closer. As we watched the vid, I told him the drummer had only 1 arm. “Really?!” After much stopping and starting I froze the vid on a decent shot of Rick Allen. 6 was amazed. I don’t know if that had anything to do with it, but for the next 20 minutes, I had myself a living shadow. Everywhere I went, 6 went. Here’s the thing that made my heart smile widest: since their grandfather was going to be taking them to a matinee showing of Antman, we were on a tight schedule. No time for showers. I started to gather my toothbrush, soap…before I headed to the downstairs bathroom, I reached into my overnight bag, grabbed my deoderant and promptly swiped my pits. I was wearing a sleeveless T – no harm, no fowl :) 6 never said a word. After I’d “freshened up” and was on my way back upstairs to dress, I passed the boys’ bathroom. The door was open and there was a bit of a commotion. I looked to spot 6 just as he was climbing down from getting something out of the cabinet. “What’re you doing?”, I asked. He turned with the deoderant in his hand and he promptly… swiped his pits.

TF10 Another day. Another opportunity. To live, to love.

Engage, participate. Give, be given. There is only one day.