Lessons, Learning, Peeking Around the Edge

Sunday. Morning. Been up for a coupla hours. Morning has always been a treasure left undiscovered. Eagerly anticipated as it was the one part of the day I could completely indulge. The space between each line uncharted territory beckoning to be discovered/revealed.  When did it stop being the most enjoyable part of my day? When did sitting comfortably, pad and pen in hand, (replaced now with white screen and keyboard) cease to be that solitary walk along the deserted beach, scoping tide washed sand for shells and sea glass and driftwood?

Who do I have to thank for sitting me down, right now and asking? Christina Perri? Pinterest for sending me links that might interest me? That Pinterest shared with me GirlieOnTheEdge’s post “Of Metal and Mayhem” from 2 years ago featuring Ms. Perri singing “Jar of Hearts” is no coincidence (actually it is but let’s roll with it). Whatever the cue that illicits emotional content, I believe I owe it to myself to follow the trail. Cueing the song for the 4th time, chorus now indelibly etched into my brain for the day.

Reminders. How important are they? Very, yes? Of course. Without them we might miss that important drs. appointment or job interview or teacher parent meeting. Daily reminders. We all need them. I don’t want to talk about those reminders though. I want to explore the “holyshitIforgotabouttheohyeah,can’tbelieveIforgotIcouldIforget” reminders. Life shit. Get where I’m going? Inside of your head, reflective, self assessing, time to review, pull down the shade, find a comfy chair and…review. Remember. Remember the stuff you told yourself not to forget.

As on most Saturday nights, I call into the Wakefield Doctrine Saturday Night Call in Show. Typically, especially these last couple of years, it’s Clark (your host), myself and more recently and consistenly, Cynthia. Now wait a darn minute! Nuh, huh…it is too very enjoyable and humorfilled and….informative.  When it’s only us clarks, there is much identification going on, many reveals and “aha’s” and in general “no shits!” and yes, it can be a wild time lol. Who says a three way conversation among clarks is boring. It’s not always about the Doctrine ya know. Well, actually how can it not be?

As I suspected, I’ve veered a bit off course. Retrospection, if done properly can be a valuable tool. Recollection without the indulgence of feeling bad, can be a valuable tool. Remembering to remember can be a valuable tool. Thanks to Clark last night, I remembered some things that naturally I’d forgotten. Funny, I made a comment about being in denial (the usual life shit, where am I, what am I, why, why not) and Clark pointed out that when an individual is in a state of denial, they are not consciously aware they’re in denial. Example? If someone sees white, when it is black. They see only white. They do not know it is black because for that person, it is white. So how much of what I see or don’t see has it’s roots embedded in denial? How can I know I’m in a state of denial? Does that imply someone, other than myself, should be telling me how it really is? How’s that for a big ole can of squirming, radioactive worms?! LOL

I’m fairly certain I’ve lost most folks. In fact, I may have even lost the clarks! It’s a rambling, self indulgent kinda day today – it’s a reminder today. To look so that I can see without prejudice, that which is in front of me, surrounding me. What is it I refuse to see? Cannot recognize? When will I know, how can I know those times I’m in denial? Can I rescue my own self? Gee, thank you brother. You’ve always got my back 😀

One of my favorite TV characters, a clark, was all about finding the truth. He insisted the “truth was out there”.  Am I ready for the truth? I know this clip will totally resonate with my people. Here’s to a TToT weekend for yes, this is a TToT post. The thankfuls? They’re out there. Just have to find them.